MEET THE POLICE
SHIT! IT'S THE POLICE!!!!
PUDDING:
he's cuddly, he's loveable, he's pudding. he chats to you about his hobbies before big cunt throws you in the van. voted nicest member of
shit! it's the police
two years running by
the boys.
comedy value:
6/10 he's really rather dull. a bit like a brown brick.
fear factor:
1/10 less scary than a day in bed. in fact, he's more likely to chat about slippers.
chance of promotion:
3/10 he's just chilling.
chance of resorting to violence:
0/10 there is no chance. none at all.
efficiency:
1/10 he is absolutely shite at being a policeman.
BIRD:
a lesbian. she drinks bitch cum and eats cheese out of hermaphrodites' arses.
actually, she's never caught us because she has a comedy, penguin-like waddle (probably.)
comedy value:
10/10 a gerrrrrel policeman!!! a flaming gerrrrel!!!! whatever next, male women??!!
fear factor:
0/10 a fecking gerrrrrel!!!!!
chance of promotion:
0/10 what the fuck is the world coming to??!!!
chance of resorting to violence:
10/10 yeah!!! and then she'll probably crash the car and do some cooking.
efficiency:
0/10 ever heard of make-up?
(this review of bird's services is
in no way
sexist)
BIG CUNT:
this man is an absolute shit. he kills men and eats dogs and will undoubtedly rape your wife if you have one.
comedy value:
0/10 there is nothing funny about a 6 foot 8 mutha-fucka with a club. unless he can't see you and you have a nuclear bomb.
fear factor:
10/10 brown pants are a common problem during the nights of naughtiness, as all members are extremely cowardly.
chance of promotion:
0/10 ever since that affair with the surplus dead child, pc mutha-fucking crowther has spent every waking hour making sure that big cunt stays exactly where he is.
chance of resorting to violence:
10/10 the day that big cunt fails to maim someone is the day that matthew seddon stops thinking about boys' bottoms.
efficiency:
10/10 he is good (credit where credit's due), and yet there's something that's not quite right about him. it's probably the way that he clubs you first and then asks you if you have seen any criminals.
JENKINS:
this man is the future of the police force. young, attractive and hardworking, this policemachine is on his way up. and soon (as long as he doesn't let the bitterness of the evil big cunt get in his way)
comedy value:
3/10 efficent, clean-shaven and streamlined. jenkins is not a figure of fun.
fear factor:
6/10 not usually scary, but if ever jenkins needs to put the frighteners on someone, trust me, he can.
chance of promotion:
10/10 this boy is going straight to the top.
chance of resorting to violence:
3/10 only when necessary, and even then he'll use it sparingly, so as to cut down on work for the cleaners.
efficiency:
10/10 fuck me does this boy go.
BEARD:
since 1984 it has become no longer illegal to have bearded constables in the police force. this man has taken liberties and grown five.
comedy value:
8/10 the man has a beard.
fear factor:
10/10 the man has a beard.
chance of promotion:
4/10 the man has a beard.
chance of resorting to violence:
2/10 the man has a beard.
efficiency:
5/10 the man has a beard.
BIT O' PUFF IS IT?:
he's bad, he's streetwise, he knows the score. he's 'bit o'puff is it?' and he's incredibly inept.
comedy value:
10/10 he's perceptive, cool, and oh such a kipper.
fear factor:
1/10 he is pathetic.
chance of promotion:
1/10 he's awful, pointless and fat.
chance of resorting to violence:
7/10 this man does not like to be made to look silly. violence is always a possibility.
efficiency:
0/10 oh no no no.
PC MUTHA FUCKING CROWTHER:
the big daddy. he runs the police and all the local drugs cartels. he has a finger in every pie, and he has the power of night-vision. don't fuck with this bastard.
comedy value:
0/10 woh baby!
fear factor:
10/10 he looks like the devil and he can smell your guilt.
chance of promotion:
n/a you can't get higher than the top
chance of resorting to violence:
0/10 he does not have to. he can kill you by just looking at you.
efficiency:
10/10 fuck.
Email: wapper@usa.net