*If Cliff is smiling, run.
*Don’t eat the cheese, it’s produced by Pentex.
*Because of the laws of Paradox, the full Narration staff will never meet.
*No…you don’t get experience points for that.
*I don’t care if you’re playing the entire Red Army, you can’t have that many guns.
*No…you can’t play Cain.
*The entire mortal population of Swarthmore has been killed seven times…in the course of one night.
*Houses regenerate a week after being destroyed, limbs do not.
*It’s never wise to give the middle finger to the Justicar.
*No…you can’t play the Wyrm.
*Everyone has Heightened Senses on all the time, yet cannot detect an army of drunken, rowdy, Sabbat sneaking up on the house.
*The only place in the world where bitching and moaning can, in effect, change history.
*No matter where you are in the city, Dave Turner is behind you in Obfuscate.
*Well, are you vigorous?
*Roll your Dex.
*William Blair is the only one in the city with Nipplescate.
*Adam is the master of Frotean.
*Go ahead…answer the phone in-character.
*Swarthmore, the only place a paper-cut can do aggravated damage.
*When in frenzy, try to avoid brick walls.
*When in doubt, bitch about the rules.
*No one has their copy of Laws Of The Night, everyone has someone else’s.
*Try not to assassinate the Prince when you first get to the city, try waiting a few minutes.
*Don’t look into Cliff’s eyes, he’s a fomori.
*No…Animal Ken does not let you talk with tapeworms.
*If it isn’t in the book, fake it.
*No…we don’t carry disputes out-of-character, we don’t take anything personally, of course not.
*If you come to a LARP and just make out on the couch, yes, you might have scored, but you don’t get any experience points.
*Unlife isn’t fair.
*Cooking isn’t an ability.
*Watch out for Giovanni ninjas.
*It’s just a game.
*’You’ll have to spend a blood point for that.’ ‘I’ll spend two!’
*Are you Ruggedly Handsome?
*When in frenzy, try to avoid breaking the brick walls.
*It’s never wise to put the moves on Satan.
*Go ahead…kick the city victim.
*The light at the end of the tunnel is just the on-coming train.
*‘The Days of Our Unlives’
*‘As Swarthmore Turns’
*‘The Young and Kindred’
*‘All My Childer’
*Well, you didn’t win, but you didn’t die.
*'Do ghouls taste different?' 'What?' 'Well, what do they taste like?' 'I can't believe we're having this conversation.'
*Stupid ghoul tricks.
*Vomit...it's a Command.
*No, corpses don't get Status.
*::knock knock:: Black Hand calling...
*Ye olde cyber punk.
*Well, dying kind of takes a lot out of you.
*No one cares about the Brujah.
*Shut up and talk.
*Well, if all the other little boys blocked their colons, would you do it too?
*Grrrr...no, I don't mean Mike.
*He has a FISH!!!
*'Gee, this Flaw really sucks!' 'Yeah, that's why it's a Flaw, what did you expect?'
*'When I grow up, I wanna be undead.'
*You can take the Sabbat out of Jersey, but you can't take Jersey out of the Sabbat.
*'Allez' 'What does that mean?' 'It means go do what they said.' 'What did they say, I wasn't paying attention.' 'Some gypsy spy.'
*I don't even let myself up on the couch in Lupus form.
*Part-time prostitute.
*World of Dimness.
*Big Storyteller is watching you.
*Staff: the Bitching
*"If only I had my stick with me!" "Oh, I've got one up my ass if you need one."
*"Opps...didn't mean to bump into you." "Well, my character wouldn't have jumped like that, but you startled me, I thought you were furniture."
*And we all pause as the Prince blows his nose.
*Don't fuck with a vampire's car.
*"Hey Toreador, where'd you get that necklace?" "Oh, this thing? Well, it was dug up somewhere in Mesopotamia, I believe, a quite valuable relic from the late Broze Age." "Oh, 'cause I saw one like that in CVS last week."
*"Hey, Nosferatu, what's the word down in the sewers?" "Well, it smells, what'd you expect?"
*And if the ducks are confused, you know it's got to be bad...
*Rat-Rage
*Rat-Rape
*Gee, it really must suck to be a formori...
*Mummy: the Embalming
*Wraith: the Unpopular
*Wereduck: the Quacking
*Don't tell them that it's goat cheese.
*'You two are really starting to annoy the both of me!'
*'Which anime was it?' 'Oh you know the one, Neo-Tokeyo blows up, there are all these aliens with robot suits, and that girl's shirt falls off.' 'Oh yeah, um-hum, that one.'
*Roll Saving Throw against Cute...
*I'm coming!!!!!
*Yeah, the Humane Society wants to like, kill her or something.
*Wow, you mean he's a Sidhe?
*'That was a cow!' 'Shh, this is the best part of the movie.' 'But there was a cow, I saw it.' 'Shhh, you're going to miss this part.' 'What was with the cow? Is it an important plot thingie?' 'Forget the cow!'
*When playing a blind character, don't try to go up or down the stairs, trust me.
*Well, with the +3 difficulty, it's really hard to make a butterfly frenzy.
*"Can we GO now?!?"
*'I want to buy a cow.' 'What are you going to do with a cow in the Underdark?' 'It's a pocket cow.'
*Whatever you do, don't attack the chickens.
*Don't take advantage of a feverish Storyteller... 'Hey, can I play Caine?' 'Sure.' 'Ooo, can I be a 6th Rank, 4th Generation Bastet Abomination with True Magick?' 'Sure.'
*If this sounds familliar, that probably means you've heard it before.
*"It was terrible...I was running around in the streets...doing...things!" "Oh no! Not things!"
*"Why aren't you attacking?" "Because I want to be your friend." "But the point of the game is to kill the other mage." "Can't we all just get along?" "Yeah, but you'll be dead."
*Beware the plastic Nazi spider.
*"Where are Bob and Sue?" "Oh, they're 'studying genetics'." "Oh, you mean 'drawing Punnet squares'?" "Yup...'charting the human genome'."
*Uncle Cain wants you!
*"Yeah, what's with that, I mean, a yeast infection? What are you doing, baking bread in there?"
*"If I answer the phone, that mean's it's me."
*"That's not how Obfuscate works, the person isn't really invisible." "Well, they sure look invisible to me!"
*"You ordered a shake, ooooh, you get a doillie!"
*"Hey, this isn't a descending staircase!"
*"I want to hit you, but I can't because I'm a Quaker." "Wait a minute, you've hit me before!" "I never said that I was a GOOD Quaker."
*What's he building in there?!?
*1835
*"Of course they'd know I'm a werewolf...I'm a Metis!"
*Well, you'll get through it, we all did...
*Would you like some cheeeeese with your whine?
*Gabriel says, 'No, of course not, what were you thinking?!?'
*Brother Belemonte says, 'Well, perhaps.'
*"You're in a huge church..." "What religion?" "No religion, just big and impressive, oh yeah, and real dark." "Oh, a Gothic church, are there heads of vampires on pikes in the isles and industrial playing instead of a hymn?" "Shut up....it's all World of Darkness and stuff!"
*Oh no, not angst!!
*"Well, you don't have to be Ventrue to have a sitck up your ass."
*"The twenty hunstmen, armed with swords, bows, and flaming brands approach you." "Do they look dangerous?"
*"He holds out his hand, which is burning with blue flame." "Ooo! Is it magic fire?"
*"I'm sorry for appologizing!"
*"I wanted to whimper and curl up on the floor, but there was laundry everywhere!"
*Wraith Dinner Theater
*"Man, those skinless cats are really disgusting!" "Um, don't you mean 'hairless'?"
*"Yeah, plants are good because they give off carbon monoxide." "Think about that for a minute..."
*Do it again for Jar-Jar! (Marching Band humor)
*"Well, it's a hard-knock life, Ani."
*"He's got issues." "What, he knows Eshus?"
*Darth Moth
*"Yeah, I was really upset that the Sixers didn't make it to the World Series."
*"No one's too lazy for sex."
"I guess it's a girl thing...I mean, you don't ever hear, 'This chocolate's going to go straight to my breasts!'."
*Gabrielle says, "Do I make you horny? Do I? Randy?"
*Brother Belemonte knows he doesn't.
*"Barbie's a rubber whore!"
*When there's more of a Jyhad out-of-game than in...
*"You'll know where we're going when we get there."
*"You know, when I find out, I will frenzy."
*The death of Wang Chung...
*"Please, have a seat." "So, can we sit?" "No you idiot, you need 5 dots of Sittis to do that!"
*You got mail but your posters fell down and so did your board, twice...
*"This is the caern. It is where we fight, where we live..." "Where we wolf?"
*Night of the Long Bathrobes
*"I let out a bloodcurdling scream. Ahem! I said, I scream, blood-curdlingly!"
*Brujah Crowd Control
*"Were they like, Chinese?" "No, they were all pretending, you fool!"
*Smurf
*Swarthmore Kindred Deathmatch
*"Curb-stomp the hedge mage!"
*"You can't have sex...you're a mouse!" "I'm a very big mouse..."
*"Yeah, what's with that...senior citizens? I mean, what are you graduating to, death?"
*"Yeah, I'll join PETA, I love those Chia-Pet things!" "Where are you getting that from?" "Well, you know, PETA, Chia, they rhyme."
*PAPT
*"I wanna go back to Pennsylvania! There's something wrong with this state!"
*"Aw, you're just clutching at streads..."
*"Would you like some angst with your fries?" "Hmm, sure, but hold the side of rough childhood."
*In memorium...Rosie
*"I might look stupid, but I am."
*"Yeah, there's just something about the closing mechanism that bothers me."
*"Oh God, my liver!"
*"Man, we've got the sociables..."
*"Hey, don't eat that dessert, it's cheating!" "Huh?" "You're eating a Twinkie!"
*"Yeah, all the shit I swallowed because of that has really come back and bit me in the ass...and that a really weird mixed-metaphor and I'm sorry."
*"Bacon pizza is not Italian!" "What, there's no pigs in Italy?"
*"I think I need to change my Demeanor to Stoic Asshole."
*"I've got a big sword, I can hit you with it!" "Oh, yeah, then I'll crash my Skyrigger into you!" "Well, I've got points in Dodge!" "What're you gonna do, fall?"
*"Nein is the only German word I know, I'm gonna have to tell them not to kill us with pitchforks with it...nein, nein, nein, nein!" "Deleate all files!"
*New Bloodline...the Sabbat ditches the Blood Brothers in favor of the Blond Brothers.
*"Yes, he was kicked in the assular region."
*"You're not supposed to sing it the way it should be sung!"
*Premeditated science
*::sticks two carrots in her mouth:: "Look, I'm a vampire!" "No, you're just stupid."
*"We'll always have Nebraska!"
*"Which anime was it?" "Oh, you know! That one where a really powerful NPC comes and tries to take over Swarthmore, and the player characters are powerless, and then Reese or Zane or Dylan kills them in a really dramatic staged fight. That one!" "Oh. What happened to the alien robot suits?" "They're still converting the stats to live-action."
*"No, that only means you have to give aid to any Ventrue that come to your domain." "Eight what?" "Not eight! Aid! A-I-D, you know, like help?" "Oh."
*"Eww, misteltoe! Avoision!" "Avoision?" "No, aversion." "Who's a virgin?" "Never mind."
*"Man, her taste in music is so bad!" "Yeah, but what do you expect, she's Toreador."
*"Yeah, but you're taller than you are."
*"They're covalent bonds, that's why when you're immersed in water, your molecular bonds don't all come apart." "Not unless you're having a really bad day."
*My soul is an island, my car is a Ford.
*"I'm Commanding enough to make you see my illusions!" "Oh yeah, well, I'm Charming enough so that you don't even think of challenging me!"
*"Ding dong, local Anarch!"
*Gangsta Noddists
*"No, killing her is inhumane, sending the body parts to a Giovanni, now that's just cruel."
*"Wow, I'm nimble!"
*"I *am* a big of chips!" "Huh?"
*"I'm king of the world! Oww!" (hits his arms on ceiling fan)
*"Yeah, they had some other Stephen King books, like 'Misery', but I didn't get it 'cause I saw the movie and it was depressing." "Hmmm, the movie 'Misery' depressing, imagine that..."