Have you ever wondered....?

I’m an editor of my high school newspaper, the Arrowhead (or as SOMEONE once misprinted, and NOT me, the Affowhead). As an editor, I created a page, similar to this here web page, which I call “And Now For Something Completely Different” (from Monty Python). This here is a column I started in the first issue of the Arrowhead, and it seemed pretty popular. I didn’t edit the page for two issues, instead I did the “Entertainment” page and let the former entertainment editor do my ANFSCD page. The result was not a pretty one. And in the end I was convinced to take back my page and restore it’s reputation. (All this proves I just kick ass, right?) So to start things off I wrote another series of “Have you ever wondered...?” questions. So here ya go. Enjoy please.

• Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
• If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make it stick to the pan?
• If you are in a vehicle going at the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
• Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
• Why isn’t “phonetic” spelled the way it sounds?
• Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
• Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?
• Why do we sing “Take me out to the Ball Game” when we are already there?
• If “pro” is the opposite of “con”, then is progress the opposite of “congress”?
• What is another word for “thesaurus”?
• What is the speed of dark?
• Why are there Braille signs at drive-up ATMs?
• How come you never hear of “gruntled employees”?
• What are “free gifts”? Aren’t all gifts free?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?
• Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
• Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
• Are there seeing-eye-humans for blind dogs?
• If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
• Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
• If knees were backward, what would chairs look like?
• When you are sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
• If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don’t they wear a pair of bras?
• How can there be “self-help-groups”?
• Which bathroom does a hermaphrodite use?
• Why are there locks on the doors of the 7-11 if they're open 24 hours a day? (courtesy OrangeJulius)
• What cruel person put an "S" in the word lisp? (courtesy Screamer!)

  Here’s some food for thought.

• Hermits have no peer pressure.
• There’s a thin line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
• I live on a one-way dead-end street.
• It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.
• When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. But when a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 per minute.

© 1999 ~*~ mel ~*~