Every Jew who down in Whoville liked Hanukah a lot But the Grinch who lived just outside of Whoville did not! The Grinch hated Hanukah, the whole Hanukah season! Don’t ask why, no one really knows the reason. It could be, he accidentally spilled his last jar of crack It could be, while watering his plants he threw out his back! But I think the most likely reason of all, Was that his weed stack was just two sizes too small. But whatever the reason, his crack or his weed, He started down from his cave, planting a seed. He grabbed his dog Dubie, then reached for a joint, Stared at the Whos, and began to point. “Look Dubie!” he said with a pant, “One of those bastards must have the bigger happy plant!” “Tomorrow is Hanukah! It’s nearly here!” He sat on a rock, with his hand on his head. “I have an idea!” he finally said, “I’ll steal everything they got, Then I’m going to trade all of it for pot!" Then he thought about everything he would need And his final prize, a cave full of weed. He knew he had to do this, he knew that he must. He wasn’t going to spend this Hanukah in a cave collecting dust. For if he didn’t… He knew that all the little Jewish Who-boys would try on their new yam micas, While he sat in his lonely cave smoking marijunica. As for the Who-girls, he knew just what they’d do. They’d go shopping for things they don’t need, While he watched from his cave craving more weed. The Who-Moms and Dads would gather to chant. Then they’d all get to puff some of the Hanukah happy plant. He looked at Dubie, then said with a grunt, “You’re no good to me!” then gave the dog a punt. “Who could help me?” he thought “They must be evil and love the smell of pot” And with that he finally said “I know just the guy!” Then called his friend Osama, who lived in a cave near by. “Hello Grinch!” Osama spoke “You want me to fix you up with some more coke?” “Not this time dear friend, I want you to help me bring Hanukah to an end.” Osama and the Grinch decided they had nothing to lose And tonight would be the night they’d rob the Whos. Osama and the Grinch met that night, They decided to have one last light. Once the Grinch and Osama were good and high, They tied Dubie to a giant shoe and told him to fly. Dubie tried hard to get the shoe off the ground, “You worthless dog, I’m sending you to the pound!” Dubie felt shame, his tail went between his legs. While the Grinch and Osama drank from the kegs. As the two of them loaded up the shoe, They quickly noticed that it didn’t seat two. Osama patted his lap and said “Sit here.” The Grinch agreed, but grabbed another beer. As Dubie began pulling the shoe, he couldn’t help but say: “What the hell guys, are you gay??” Osama and the Grinch looked at one another And Osama promptly declared the Grinch his new lover. As poor Dubie found out his masters were gay He landed the shoe and ran far, far away. Since the Grinch and Osama were both high as a kite They got into the world’s most pointless fight. “Praise Allah!” Said Osama, showing no shame. Grinch looked surprised “How’d you know my middle name?” Osama looked at the Grinch, very, very pissed. “Allah’s my god, stupid, what have you missed?!” George is what the Grinch thought Osama had said “Oh, never mind, let’s just get to bed.” Osama proclaimed, grabbing his harmonica “Holy shit!” said the Grinch “We forgot about Hanukah!” Both of them got up as quickly as they could And grabbed some more sacks, as they thought they should. Grinch packed up the rest of the weed, Then both hopped in the shoe traveling at full speed. When they finally reached the town of the Whos, Osama realized that he forgot the booze! “Damnit!” he said, shaking his head side to side. “Don’t worry,” Said Grinch, “there’s more inside.” They chose the first house that they would pillage, Figuring they had to start, to get through the village. Osama got stuck in the chimney, then fell to the floor. Grinch hissed at him, “You moron! You should’ve used the door!” The grinch spotted the menorah giving off its glow. “This stupid candle thingie is the first to go!” He blew out the flame and stuffed it in the sack, Then he found Osama humping a coat rack. “Stop that Osama, there’s time for that later!” and continued their hunt For humping coat racks was quite an odd stunt. They took all the candy, presents and shoes, And consumed all the drugs, meds and booze. After everything had been put in a bag, They went to the garage and stole the new jag. On they drove to rob the next house, Only leaving some shit that came from a mouse. At one of the houses, Osama was in the can, And the Grinch was confronted by a slightly tall man. The man said his name was Allen Iverson, And he was followed closely by a small son. “Daddy, what’s up with all these strange men?” “I don’t know son, but they have my new pen!” “Hello dear child,” Osama said to the small boy, “Your daddy here just became my new toy!” With that Osama stuffed AI in the sack, Planning to use him all the way back. The boy shrugged and went back to his room, While the Grinch and Osama grabbed the last shroom. With all of the distractions out of the way, They cleaned out the town ‘til the start of the next day. Everything was tightly packed in the shoe, Osama kicked AI, “Quit moving foo’!” Finally spotting the Hanukah happy plant, The Grinch got out, snatched it and began to rant. He jumped back in the shoe, causing it to shake. “Let’s go!” he yelled to Osama, “before they awake!” The shoe flew back to the caves, deep in the mountains, And the grinch turned on the toxic waste fountain. “Time to celebrate this, our greatest victory!” Grinch said, reflecting on his pot smoking history. Grinch looked through all the things they’d collected, Osama watched, feeling rather neglected. Then something caught Osama’s eye, a sack that started to wiggle. HE opened it to find a helpless AI and began to giggle. “BAZEED!!” Yelled the Grinch, smiling at all the weed. “Let’s smoke, Osama, no need to save.” “Later grinch, I’m going to spend some time with Allen in my cave.” The Grinch glared and pouted, He then scorned at the next cave over and shouted: “I don’t need you!! I still have my bong!” Then he passed out. He later awoke finding he’d slept six hours too long. Grinch looked for Osama in front and in back, Who was once again humping the coat rack. “Stop that, Osama! Let’s see what trouble we’ve caused” The Grinch and Osama peered down the mountain at the whose. They looked and they listened for screams and “boo-hoos”. But they didn’t hear anything, not a single who-sound. “They’ve got huge bags of crack on the ground!!” The Grinch knew what happened. “Damn that Santa for giving them pity!!” “What do you expect, Grinch,” said Osama, “You robbed the whole city!” Grinch nodded and said, “Yeah, we left whoville pretty trashed…” Osama smiled, “Let’s forget Hanukah, grab Allen and go get smashed!” And they did. The End