At heart, I'm a writer.  I've been writing since the eighth grade.  My reading teacher, Mrs. Gardner, assigned the class to write a short-story.  I found that I very much enjoyed writing, so much so, that I wrote the sequel over the following summer vacation.  I have been writing ever since.

Fundamentally, I'm just a very creative person.  My writing was the ultimate expression of my creative mind, but I was always thinking up all sorts of things.  Some things could not be expressed or marketed through the written word.  I have been drawing since long before I ever started writing.  I used to sit in study hall and just doodle the whole time.  It was probably in some ways an early form of escapism for me.  I doodled when I was bored, I sketched when I had another creative idea that I just had to express, and I drew whenever there was no other avenue of expression. 

My drawing never took a marketable form until I took my first CAD class my freshman year of high school.  I absolutely loved it.  I had by this time developed a real passion for Architecture, especially Collegiate Gothic style architecture (castles).  From that time until graduation, I just knew that I wanted to be an Architect.  I had not a shadow of doubt.  As much as I loved writing, I knew the only way I could assuredly make a living would have been through Architecture.  As it happened, I only looked at schools with Architecture programs.  I immediately dismissed Christian colleges, because Christian colleges do not have Architecture programs.  I had it narrowed down to three schools by my Junior year and was about to begin the application process.  It was then, without ever requesting any information about the school or even having ever heard of the school, that I received a small pamphlet in the mail about the Architecture program at a small, liberal arts, Christian college called Judson.

Needless to say, I ended up going to Judson College.  I basically had a full ride.  Financial aid covered everything.  In fact, financial aid covered everything except $475.00 that first semester, so the Architecture department kicked in that extra $475.00 to ensure that I would come and study with them.  There is a certain sense of irony that I ended up leaving the Architecture department and entering into the English program my second semester.

I loved Architecture, and I know I could have succeeded at it.  I could have been a great Architect, but I knew that I was meant to be in a trade where I would be writing.  My first semester, and every semester thereafter, every paper I wrote, not just in the English classes, was an A-paper.  Every professor, without fail, not just the English professors, complimented on how good my writing was.  My Creative Thinking and Writing (which I was allowed to skip ahead to my first semester because of my ACT scores in English) professor actually once said of me that if any employer were to come to Judson looking for a writer, he would recommend me on the spot.  I had no choice about it.  Writing chose me.

I lied when I told people that I went to Judson for Architecture.  I didn't go to Judson for Architecture.  I didn't stay at Judson for English.  I don't need an English degree to be a writer.  I went to Judson for the people, because I needed it, because I was lonely and destroyed and dying inside.  I went to Judson because I was desperately seeking that which I had never had before, friendship, unconditional love, and acceptance.  And, to a large degree, that is something that I found at Judson.  There is, then, an even greater sense of irony that I left Judson after only two years.

I loved Judson and its people.  It is like no other place on earth.  It is what a utopian society, composed entirely of people who believe in God but who are also independent thinkers, would be like.  But, once again, the circumstances of my life left me no choice, and the ultimate consequence was positive.  Once again, I made a very big change.  I moved from the only homes I'd ever known 2500 miles away to Oceanside, California.  I had never even been to the west coast until my parents and I moved out there.

I still love Art and Architecture.  I am still writing, nearly finished with my first book.  It is an ultimate irony that I am now a design engineer, not in a trade where I am writing for a living.

These days the only drawing I do is when I need concept artwork for the stories I write (well, and designing my own dream home).  I want to return to Chicagoland one day and build it.  People think I'm nuts when I tell them I want to move back to Chicago away from SoCal.  I miss thunderstorms.  I miss weather in general.  I miss wide open spaces and being able to truly get away from people for a while.  I love SoCal, but it is unbearably crowded.  I can't complain about the weather, because there is none.  It's not like I'm heart-broken and homesick, but Chicago and the Midwest in general will always be home to me.

I still have a great interest in art.  I am a huge fan of Pre-Raphaelite art, especially the works of John William Waterhouse.  I like realism in art, but intrinsically it is energy conveyed in art which most appeals to me.

I love movies for the sake of movies.  I couldn't pin down a favorite.  I most enjoy movies that touch me emotionally, but I can also do with the intelligent ones that are merely there to entertain.  I very rarely watch television (anymore, that is.  I was a couch potato as a child).  The only stuff I can stand to watch anymore is the intelligent stuff, Law & Order and CSI, that sort like.  I guess that is a recurring theme for me; I really like things that are intelligent, stimulating, thought-provoking.  I can only abide intelligent, meaningful conversation.

I love my family, although I have an awkward relationship with every member of my family.  I am only out to my parents, and they cannot abide it.  Consequently, my relationships with my family are very superficial.  I still love them though.  I have a special place in my heart for my Aunt Diane, my cousin Danny, and my cousin Jarred.

Friends have always been the most important thing in my life, since for most of my life I had none.  The few that I have had have been precious to me.  I value friendship above the air I breathe.  Friends have always been an expression of God's love to me.  I have had a relatively goodly number of friends walk out of my life for no good reason, especially considering how few friends I have had, and have consequently lost a lot of faith at times.  But, God is always good to bring new friends into my life, and on the rarest of occasions, He even brings old friends back into my life.

In his book, "The Five Love Languages," Gary Chapman describes what he believes are the ways in which people communicate their love.  He is not a very good writer, and I think his ideas are a bit two-dimensional.  Still, I have to say it rings true for me.  I have no doubt in my mind that my love language is touch.  Most of my life, I was never touched.  Even my parents did not touch me very much during a period in my life.  Despite the fact that I was abused for so long by my peers, I never really even got 'beat up.'   I remember times when, as sick as it was, I used to wish someone would beat the tar out of me just so that I could feel someone touch me.  My peers made it self-evident that they hated me with a unilateral conviction, and I believed that the reason they never did 'beat me up' was that they didn't want to touch me even to hit me.  Alone in the dark when the demons came, I used to wish they were really there and would molest me just to feel touched.  I still sometimes tremble when people touch me, because of the PTSD and the Social Anxiety Disorder and perhaps in part because of how unfamiliar it is, but I have desired nothing more and find no greater fulfillment than in the affectionate touch of another man.

IMPORTANT THINGS FOR PEOPLE TO KNOW SHOULD THEY EVER MEET ME IN PERSON:

If you haven't already read the annal section, you should probably do that first.  That said, I tend to be pretty shy and awkward in social settings.  That may be an understatement.  I have post-traumatic stress disorder, social anxiety disorder, and cognitive dissidence.  I'm borderline agoraphobic.  I'm extremely paranoid and distrustful.  I'm a consummate concealer of my inner thoughts and feelings, so you will never be able to tell what is going on inside my head.  Don't even try.  Moreover, I am perpetually quiet, so the only way you will ever get inside is to ask questions.

Those are the negative side-effects of my history of abuse and social estrangement.  The positives are a super-human sense of awareness, super-human intuition, and the patience of the rocks and the trees.  I also am innately intuitive, compassionate, and insightful.  I am perhaps the worlds best listener, I am known for dispensing sage advice, and I make it a practice to never reject anyone for any reason.

I have a resoundingly strong sense of civic justice.  I'm a goody-two-shoes.  I roll over all the speed-bumps, I drive the speed limit, I own over 130 CDs, all bought and paid for legal-like, and I never rip the labels off of mattresses. 

I always try to be as blunt and direct as possible.  I have no time for beating around the bush.  I cannot stand small talk and chit-chat.  I despise purposeless conversation; it delays genuine intimacy.  I always aspire to be as open and honest about my life as possible.  I desire nothing more than sharing my life with others.

I am a gay man, and I don't apologize for it.  I don't go to clubs or bars.  I don't look at anything more pornographic than an Abercrombie & Fitch ad.  I don't have illicit sexual encounters in parks, nature preserves, or public restrooms.  I very much believe in monogamy and am desperately seeking a partner with whom to share the rest of my life.  I don't appreciate one night stands, and I'm very put off by the sexual advances of much older men.

My integrity is unrivaled.  I'm not trying to be arrogant or self-righteous, here.  I never look down on or reject anyone for any reason.  I never judge others for how they live their lives.  I have the utmost respect and reverence for other cultures.  People's decisions in life are their own.  I don't avow responsibility for other people's actions, but I take responsibility for my own.  This is how I choose to live my life.  I'm not saying it's right for everyone, but it's who I am.  That's just a little bit about me.

CONTACT INFORMATION:
E-Mail:  eneph@juno.com
AIM:  OceansideThan
 

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