Wesley "The Caulk" Shumucken, protector of the Caulks, defeater of the Cerks, Champion of Justice, was defeated by a fatal poke to the ribs last Friday. The Vile Matthew Croix appeared from a forest and asked Wesley Shumucken how a life of good was working for him. Wesley began a very long speech about how important it is for everyone to get along and how people must value truth and justice, where then Matthew pulled out two wooden poles and stabbed Wesley in the side. Wesley, with his eyes full of tears in the middle of how important it is to stay in school and not do drugs, was not prepared for this brutal attack, and fell to the ground in pain. Matthew then ate a banana and held a red light to his face while watching him flail around in pain, and now Wesley's mind has been shattered. Now Wesley spends his life completing his homework and doing his chores. His violent friends mourn. "He used to be so violent.." says Patrice Darbi, close friend of Wesley. George, another close friend of Wesley, comments, "Yeah, i don't really care about him."
