i just made mac'n cheese. it's best if i throw the extra away. i could ship it to a 3rd world country. the impurities on my plate will probably be considered a sin. at least they have their priorities straight. the realization that drugs and sex our considered a sin by my "world" upsets me. when self control becomes an addiction. my motabalism is slowing down. and you thought this was about society. HA! i fear i am as selfish as the next. but shallow is as deep as they come. typing is easier because perfection makes my hand shake. is the colored marker in my grip... ironic? i thought i taught myself not to exspect happiness. i remain optimistic. it's friday. ditched for sex. but i'm optimistic. as people pair off i'm punished for being different. or not different enough. struggeling not to fit into a group of conformists. the worst type. conforming to non-conformity. nobody else will admit justin timberlake's new single is saved under "track 11" on their P.C.. i forgot we had to be origninal. if you weren't the first, you will never be considered real. waiting for that last kiss from somebody whom i've never had a first. funny how i always say goodbye before i say hello. what!? because i'm not liberal my thoughts don't matter? i'm surrounded by flower children making me stupider each minute. i'm only noticed when i offend another. FuckYou! have i got your attention yet. smile. smile. smile. damn't they saw my lip quiver. i fear everyone of my sins is visible in the way the black lines my eyes. i fear i have strayed off topic and shared too much. i fear i will never be paired off. i fear if i do, i will lose my identity. the one not even i have discovered. i read over my prose and laugh. in one month i wil be just 17. too young to experience real pain. i'll deny what i've lost. after all, i have all my life to witness my...