I recently found my school diary from 1994. every week, or nearly every week there was a comment that i had written at the end of the page. some are funny, most are sarcastic, but i thought i'd save them here for prosperity before i throw the diary out altogether.
If I ask you a hypothetical question, will you answer it?
If your mother in law and a lawyer are drowning and you can only save one of them, do you watch TV or have a beer?
Isn't it a nuisance that you have to work to aquire knowledge?
If a tree falls in a forest and no-one hears it, does anyone care?
Sex without love is an empty experience. But as far as empty experiences go, it's one of the best!
Why is abreviation such a long word?
Once upon a time there was a non conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to the earth in a barnyard almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought this was the end but the manure warmed him and defrosted hid wings. warm, happy and able to breath he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and hearing the chirping investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure and found the bird and promptly ate him. This story contains three morals.
1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.
3.If you're happy and warm in a pile of shit, don't sing about it!!!
If a man says something in a forest and there are no women around to hear him, is he still wrong?
Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?
If teflon is non-stick then how do they get it to stick to the pan?
why is that when you get a box of coloured pencils you get a white one?
Great sun above me in the sky
so golden glorious and high
my petals see are golden too
they shine but cannot shine like you
I scatter many seeds around
and where they fall upon the ground
moremarigolds will spring more flowers
to open wide in sunny hours
It is because i love you so
I turn to watch you as you go
without your light no joy can be
look down great sun and shine on me.
*****
And it would be my luck
she only likes me when she gets drunk
and lately she's been thinking
of giving up drinking
unreliable
She's so unreliable
*****
Do you give yourself to me utterly
body and no body
flesh and no flesh
not as a fugitive blindly or bitterly
but as a child might
with no other wish?
Yes Utterly
then i shall bear you down my estuary
carry you and ferry you
to burial mysteriously
Take you and receive you
in the huge cave my belly lave you
with huger waves continually
And you shall cling and clamber there
and slumber there
in that dumb chamber
beat with my bloods beat
hear my heart move blindly in bones that ride above you
delve in my flesh dissolved and bedded
through veiwless valves embodied so
Till daylight, the expulsion and awakening,
The riving and driving forth,
Life with remorseless forceps beckoning–
Pangs and betrayal of harsh birth.
Well that was it!!! maybe i'll find my 1994 diary some time!!!!!
