Allison's Journal
January 11, 2003:
Allie the slacker
I've been so lax in writing in this thing lately. Tonight I was wondering if I sometimes upset Haley by being affectionate with Aidan. I wasn't gonna write about this, but then I figured I should...cause it could only make it better if she sees it, right?
At least I hope so. Cause I really don't intend to make her uncomfortable...it's just how Aidan and I have always been, ever since we were little. I mean, yeah we did date, but that was only for two months, and it was 8 years ago almost.
Blah. Now I feel like I'm just trying to justify my actions to myself. Well, Haley...let me know if you DO feel uncomfortable, and I'll try to tone it down.
Not much else going on in my life. Same old crap...work, home, work, home. There's a woman at the hospital who is getting on my LAST nerve, but I'll get into that later. Right now I think it's bedtime.
January 12, 2003:
I can't believe this...
It's about 2 AM, and I just walked in the door at 1. I went out with the girls to see a movie earlier this evening, but that only lasted until 9:00. When I got home, Aidan told me that one of my friends had died. I decided to go for a drive...I wanted to be alone.
Somehow I ended up at the truck stop. I saw some old friends from high school, and they motioned for me to sit with them. Didn't wanna be rude, so I did. They had some friends w/ them that they didn't bother to introduce, but one guy was really nice. I was sitting next to him...he asked why I looked so down and everything. I told him what happened, and he asked if I wanted to take a walk and talk about it, since the truck stop isn't exactly the most soothing place.
We didn't walk very far, cause it was kinda cold out and he didn't have a jacket, only a long-sleeved shirt. I opened up a lot though...cried and such. Felt kind of weird, him being a stranger and all.
Anyway...we are almost back to the truck stop, when he kisses me. At first I was thinking, okay, this guy is trying to take advantage of my vulnerability..but then I just stopped caring cause it felt very nice.
Well, eventually, we ended up at his place. I'm still kind of in shock about what happened. Is something I have never done before. I mean, I've had sex with guys and then not had a relationship w/ them...but at least they have been friends..and not complete strangers. But...I have no regrets. He asked for my number and said he'd call, but I won't feel bad if he doesn't. It was kind of what I needed, ya know? Not that I'm starved for affection or anything...but for some strange reason it was just more comforting than anything my friends here could offer me. Does that sound completely crazy?
At any rate, I left shortly afterward, cause I didn't want him to be thinking "Okayyy, so when is she gonna leave?" He asked me to stay, but eh I just wanted to come home. When I got here, only Eilan and Aidan were still up. They both gave me hugs and consoled me, and I cried some more. Then I took a shower and was sneaking past Aidan and Haley's room cause she was asleep, but she was already up and I ended up laying next to her crying for quite awhile. Got Aidan's pillow all wet, but I'm sure he'll forgive me.
All in all, I feel a lot better now. My head is clear..and I think I may even be able to sleep.
January 15, 2003:
Most annoying bitch in the world!!!
No, it's not me, it's a woman at work -- Yael. She HAS to be right about EVERYTHING. Even if someone proves her wrong, she goes through all these elaborate steps to prove that what she did was, despite the evidence, in fact correct. And God forbid you disagree with her on a subject as important as, oh say, music. She LOVES country music, and hates anyone who doesn't. I, therefore, am on her bad list.
She also dates one of the janitors -- Tom. He has always been a friend of mine, ever since high school, and has always been able to make me laugh. Now...she has turned him into the sort of whipped guy that he used to hate (and make fun of). And of course, no matter how long we have been friends, if I have a fight with her, I can expect a fight with him as well because he always has to get his word in about how mature (I have frequently called her childish) and beautiful his woman is. UGH!
Well, I'm going to bed.
January 17, 2003:
Let's do some math...
An ex I broke up with 7 months ago came into the hospital today with his girlfriend. She is 8 months along. Isn't that just lovely?
The breakup with Chad (the guy) was particularly hard on me since we were supposed to get married 2 months from the time he announced he'd found that he didn't really love me. Having to undo the plans for what you thought was gonna be the best day of your life is never fun.
But hey, that's fine. I'm not gonna be bitter. I'm better off without him. Just thought I'd share that interesting bit of info with everyone.
January 19, 2003:
Am depressed...
Dunno why. I hate mood swings.
January 21, 2003:
Well that was odd.
Just talked to a guy on here I spoke to maybe twice before, and now we are no longer speaking because I do not meet people from online or speak to them on the phone. He doesn't pursue online friendships, apparently. Crazy me for having safety precautions, I guess. I just don't want to get hurt again. Oh well.
January 21, 2003 (cont.):
Should I be offended?
Okay, so, Haley and I were talking this morning, and she told me that she and Aidan are going to be having an open relationship while she is in Europe, since she'll probably be there 6 months or more. She said to me "I just wanted you to know, I won't get mad if something...happens...between you two. In fact, I'd rather it be you than anyone else."
Should I be offended by this? It kind of seems like Haley expects me to sleep with Aidan while she's gone. Does she really trust me that little? I don't know, blah. Going to go clean now.
January 23, 2003:
Blah.
The hospital is undergoing serious budget cuts. They may have to close the nursing home portion altogether, leaving a lot of people without jobs, and a few without a home (I have no idea where they'll put them. Probably in other homes throughout the state). They also may have to let me go. I am the newest nurse in labor and delivery, and they may not be able to afford to keep me on. Dunno what I'll do then.