i'm suffering from music attention deficit disorder today. i've been sitting here dancing around between songs and downloading new stuff since i got home from work a few hours ago. this is matching my "what am i going to do next?" attitude that i've had for last week or so. or better... "what am i supposed to be doing?"

go download Coheed and Cambria songs.

i'm supposed to teach a class tomorrow, and i'm nervous. i don't really like being the center of attention. call it lack of self confidence, stage fright, whatever, i freak out. i guess i'm not really good at conflict. by conflict i mean personal conflict. i have no problem telling somebody what i'm thinking, and for the most part i don't give a shit what people think of me. i have an uncanny way of seperating myself emotionally from someone and burying the resulting feelings. occasionally, someone i do care about will resurface a couple of years down the road, mainly my father, but it will just get buried again.

what i do have issues with is me against me. i have to basically force myself to do some random things that might seem silly to other people. i have anxiety attacks sometimes at restaurants, movie theaters, airplanes, in roller coaster lines.... and when i have to speak in public. once whatever i'm doing is over, or even a little bit into it, i'm usually ok. but it tortures me before. nausea, rapid heart beat, mind racing.... this can be before a fucking disney movie.

i promise the photography section will be up soon. and there will be more reviews up shortly. (thanks don)

i'm supposed to go to a birthday party tonight and i don't really want to go. i don't know if it's more rude to not show up or to just show up and not have a good time. it could be fun i guess, it's just the same old shit. i really need to clean my apartment. i also need to pick up my pictures from the film place.

there's been a lot of shit that's been going on lately. and most of that i'll get to in a little bit. there's something on my mind right now though. i just dragged a girl home from a bar. and i mean dragged. the thing i'm pissed about is that her friends didn't seem to give a fuck about the fact that she was passing out in the bar. i showed up....and she was tanked, with a guy trying to stick his hand down her pants. to me, that's unbearable. so i seriously had to get strangers to help me carry her up the block to get her home and in bed. i don't know what my point is here. but i'm pissed that her friends she was with didn't take care of her. if my friend was that gone. he would of been home hours ago.

she loves me yeah, yeah, yeah........... i don't know why that line keeps dancing around in my head. i can't seem to shake it for some reason. i'm not even giddy. mostly, i'm a little hungover. had a few people over for the world series last night, and of course, there were celebratory jager shots involved. sigh. nothing that a big breakfast and a long shower won't solve though.

go to the edible site. thanks, annie.

ok... getting motivated...............now.

i come home from work today and somebody stole my fucking door sign off of my door. fucking savages. i loved it, it was a wooden plaque with old tattoo flash glued onto it. i bought it at a tattoo convention in hollywood for 30 bucks. and i debated putting it on my front door, but i said to myself "it's ok, no one would take your door sign, that would be really fucked up." well, i guess people are fucked up. my downstairs neighbor got his took also.

so i went to providence to get a coat. i was going to all these second hand shops and they didn't have shit. and anything i did like was like 80 bucks... more than i planned on spending. so i just decide to go to a skate shop to window shop and low and behold i see a snowboard coat that i love. so i fucking buy it, and it's $160 bucks, and now i'm broke this weekend. but i got a sweet jacket.

went skating after that and did alright. a lot better than last time at least. landed the big rail and i got switch 180's and 360's pretty high on the almost vert ramp, so i'm content with that. as long as i land some shit nowadays i'm pretty much stoked. so now i'm super dehydrated and tired. looks like an early night tonight.

as you may have noticed, i am officially ad free. way to go me. sorry that took so long. also, there is some new content in the music and written sections.

i thought today was friday all morning. i hate that. i went skating yesterday and didn't do to well, but what are you going to do? it's getting colder here. it's already colder than it ever got in san diego while i was there. i think i'm in for a shock this winter. i haven't even turned on my gas yet. besides the whole gas thing, i've been being very responsible lately. paying my bills the day i get them and such. i'm going to go to providence tomorrow and try to find a winter coat at one of the second hand shops.

well overall it was a nice weekend. got 3 days off. friday i went out with mike to aidan's and saturday i went to worcester to the massachusetts tattoo convention. that was pretty cool. there was a booth for avalon there but no one i knew was there. (avalon is the shop that did my sleeve... among other tattoos i have.) i mostly stayed home the rest of the weekend, trying to fix the place up. built and put up my new book shelf, so i got rid of most of the leftover boxes.

talked with emily recently and i'm glad she's doing well. it's weird kinda when i talk to her because i don't know if she knows how much i value her as a friend. i was very casual with her when i saw her every day, and now that i don't get to see her i realize things i didn't realize before.

i also chatted with alli last night and that didn't really go well for me. i kinda feel like i'm always the first to say hi, or call. i said "you should come down to rhode island" and she said "what for?". she said she didn't mean it to sound mean...as in "is there something coming up in RI?"... but this is just me being over-sensitive. i moved way the fuck away from my friends, but i still expect them to be able to read me and be constant cheerleaders for me. i know that's unfair.

once again i had to help rich move today. he bought a couch, mattresses, headboards, and yes another dresser. so i got called two days in a row. this was right after i went running for 3 miles. so i got my workout in today. whew.

i'm really excited because i got another birthday package today from emily. well, actually it came like a week ago and my landlord picked it up because it wouldn't fit in my mailbox... then she decided not to tell me for a week that she had it. well emily sent me a badass cd i've been looking for for about a year. it's by Ambrose, and they're from denmark and she had to order it online i guess. this band rocks. new review up soon after i listen to this thing all weekend.

i've decided that tyler thinks he's a dog. he acts like one at least. he likes tummy rubs and comes running up to me when i get home and tries to tackle me. and he will bring me his friskies treats when he wants one. right now he's lying on his back in the middle of my room asleep.

i'm going to be sore tomorrow. i helped a guy from work move all day. tip for people about to buy furniture..... you should buy one or two big dressers, instead of collecting small ones. they clutter and they're heavy and it was a pain in the ass. i'm pissed off because in my review section i can't get the bueno picture and text aligned like the rest of the reviews. i did the same thing i've been doing and it still isn't working. i'm guessing it's because i had to change the size of the photo. whatever.

i dreamt last night that they had caught the person doing all the shooting in the DC area. it seemed so real that i couldn't remember this morning if they really caught him. (i say "him" because that's who i think is doing this.... i can't see a woman up and shooting kids for no reason. sorry for the stereotype.)

i'm seriously exhausted. went out with sarah last night and ended up having one too many and staying up way too late. i was seriously ready to kill my alarm clock this morning. i went to work at 8:30 and i left before 10. i need a nap. took tyler to the vet today to make sure he's alright. the vet stuck q-tips in his ears so far and i seriously thought they were jammed into his head. his eyes were bugging out, it seriously sucked for both him and me. they should warn you before they shove something into your pet right in front of you. so he's traumatized now and i'm feeling like shit. i have to go find a mail box.

a lot of stuff happening lately. went to boston this weekend and had an awesome time. edwin was in town from san diego and i hung out with him and six or so of his friends. it was so nice to actually hang out with a group of cool people. i haven't done that in a while. highlights include a friday night downtown drunkfest of beer and jager shots that left a blurry impression in my head the rest of the weekend. chaos and mayhem. there was a party on saturday that i pretty much slept through, and we cooked enough grill food sunday to feed a small nation.

i went to work in the wrong uniform today, that was a little embarrasing, but it's delt with. there's also a new review up in the music section. check it out.

say hi to tyler. i adopted him from the pound today. he is currently under my bed, trying to get used to the place. i figured it would be nice to have some movement around the house besides me. i'm not supposed to have a cat at my new apartment, but my landlord said cool as long as i keep it on the down low.

went skating with mike yesterday, got home and i fell asleep at 6 and woke up 12 hours later. guess it's wearing me out quicker now. my friend edwin from san diego is going to be in boston next weekend. so i'm going to go check out boston for the first time with someone i know, that should be fun. today is also my little brother's birthday.... i hope he got a shit load of stuff 'cause he's a cool kid.