... * archive ...
... * quotes of the week ...
this came to me via a homemade birthday card:
a note to consider on this your birthday. people are like flowers. some are like the beautiful rose which drives its admirers away with its sharp thorns. others are like the glistening sundew: seductive and deadly with its globs of honeylike substance. and yet others are like daisies. they smell aweful and are swarming with insect life.
always remember .... people are like flowers. skeletons on the other hand are more like rocks ...
For one hundred dollars you can buy sex, drugs, or murder. You can buy another human's dignity. You cannot buy shoes.
If you shouted at your plants instead of talking to them would they stop growing because they felt troubled and insecure?
why do some documents have pages with 'this page intentionally left blank' written on some pages? surely these pages are not blank when they have 'this page is intentionally left blank' written on them?
the probability of someone watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.
~ flynne bondolini
If I was in a room with you and two werewolves and I had a gun with two silver bullets, I'd shoot you, twice.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. If you give a man a stick of TNT, there will be little unidentifiable fish parts all over the village.
~ Jack Handy
A warning label is just a cheerful way of saying that stupidity is the most lethal weapon known to man.
It had to be a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.
"everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."~will rogers
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
~ Helen Keller
"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."
~Aristotle
tammy sucks
-courtesy of me
I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."
Jar Jar Binks makes a daily routine of stepping in animal feces, being a worse shot than both a battle droid and a stormtrooper, uttering incoherent but ridiculous babble at the most inopportune moments, and helplessly giving up when things start looking grim. To top it all off, he's not even very attractive.
The awful truth is that, deep down, Jar Jar reminds each and every one of us of ourselves, and that is why we hate him.
You know its love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness.
~Jean Zheng~
"Nunc scio quit sit amor."
Lat., "Now I know what love is."
-Virgil
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The black market for human organs is growing every day. For this reason, never forget that even the dumbest and most infuriating people who wear you down on the internet have an inherent value as human beings that makes them eminently worthy of your respect and compassion -- especially when sold for parts.
Humiliation: The harder you try, the dumber you look.
Something you never want your college professor to tell you (in front of everyone): "This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Seinfield of all papers: it's about absolutely nothing!"
- courtesy of joseph crapo (pronounced crape-o . . like grape with a 'c' at the beginning and an 'o' at the end)
Ineptitude: If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.
"That's against the honor code . ."
- wendy & kevin
"Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face."
Dave Barry
"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'"
-Erich Fromm
"If at first you don't succeed, then parachuting is not for you!"
-mr. luva luva
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
-Will Rogers
"Asking, 'Who ought to be boss?' is like asking, 'Who ought to be the tenor in a quartet?' Obviously, the man who can sing tenor."
-Henry Ford
"If all else fails, lower your standards."
"Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"Friendship is constant in all things save in the office and affairs of love . ."
-William Shakespeare
"Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."
“Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love.”
-Charlie Brown from Peanuts by Charles Schulz
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