(Scene one: orgy is on their way to go camping in a deserted forest area, the guys are driving on the road about 20 minutes from the campground. Jay is driving and Ryan is complaining.)
Ryan: Jay, are we there yet? I gotta pee and I need some more beer from the cooler.
Jay: Ryan I just got you 3 beers from the cooler about 5 minutes ago!
Ryan: but Jay! I want another beer! And I gotta pee!
Paige: Ryan we’ll be at the campground in less than 20 minutes, can you hold it that long?
Ryan (whines): no I can’t! I gotta pee now!
Bobby: well then Ry I guess you shouldn’t have downed 10 beers so quickly.
Amir: back when I was in rough cutt…
Bobby: Amir don’t make me smack you…I thought you said you weren’t gonna bring up Rough Cutt again?
Amir: fine I guess I won’t talk anymore then.
Bobby (mumbles): well at least you won’t talk about rough cutt.
Jay: cool it back there you two…. Don’t make me pull over.
Ryan: Jay can we stop at the rest area up there? (Ryan points to the rest area: ½ a mile sign.)
Jay: I suppose so.
Paige: if that’ll shut you up Ry, we’ll take you to the rest area.
Ryan: Yay!
(They pull up to the rest stop and Ryan jumps out of the car and runs to the bathroom. Minutes later he appears and runs to the back of the car and grabs 5 beers from the cooler.)
Ryan (getting in the car): ok now we may continue.
Bobby: good maybe we can be at the campground before dark.
Jay: Bobby, just chill
Paige: I’m sleepy, I need a nap.
Jay: you’re not the only one.
(They arrive at the campground and get a spot and get out of the car and start to set up the tent)
Ryan: does anyone know how to operate one of these things?
Jay: yeah I think I do.
Paige: I haven’t set one of those up in about 10 years.
Bobby: I never go camping, it’s not my type of thing.
Ryan: Amir do you know how to operate a tent?
(Amir shrugs and points to his closed mouth then glares at Bobby)
Ryan: oh I see Bobby told you to shut up, well I give you permission to talk.
Amir: I set one of these up about 2 years ago when I took Michael camping.
(Amir, Jay, and Paige set the tent up)
Later on that night……
Bobby: it’s ghost story time!
Paige: who wants to go first?
Jay: I will. (Jay tells a really creepy story about a guy who attacks people in the woods. By the end of the story Ry-Ry is about to jump in Amir’s lap from fright.)
Ryan: J..J.... Jay?
Jay: yes Ryan?
Ryan: was th-that story real?
Jay (thinks for a minute): well to tell you the truth Ryan, I really don’t know.
(Ryan shivers in fear)
Amir: Ryan, for god’s sake, straighten up.
Bobby: Ryan, you are such a little 6 year old.
Paige: he’s a 6 year old in a 28 year old’s body.
Ryan: no I am not, besides, 6 year olds can’t drink beer.
(They hear an owl hoot in the distance. Ryan screams and jumps into Amir’s lap.)
Amir: Dammit Ryan, you little wuss, get off of me.
(Amir pushes Ryan off into the dirt)
Bobby: yeah, Ryan, jeez it’s just an owl
(Ryan dusts himself off and sits on a lawn chair.)
Ryan: you guys don’t have to be so mean about it!!
Paige: Hey Ryan, have you ever seen the Blair Witch Project?
Ryan: Don’t remind me, that movie gave me nightmares for a week.
(Ryan grabs a beer and heads off towards the tent.)
Ryan: later y’all I’ll be sleeping since you all seem to not care about poor little Ryan.
(Ryan crawls into the tent, as Jay has an idea. He quietly discusses his plans with the others and they set to work.)
*Later on, about 3 a.m.*
(All of the guys, except for Bobby are in the tent. Suddenly they hear a loud noise from the rear of the tent. Bobby screams and comes running into the tent)
Jay: What is it, Bobby?
Bobby (panting): there…. there’s…some…thing…out..there!
Paige: did you see what it was?
Bobby: no, but I can hear it. It’s out there by the beer cooler!
Ryan: oh no!!!!! Not the beer!
(Ryan runs out of the tent towards the beer cooler. He finds himself staring at one of those Blair witch stick things and he screams in pure terror)
Ryan: Agggghhhh! It’s got the beer!
(The other 4 guys laugh hysterically as Ryan tries to find a way around the figure so he can get to his beer)
Ryan (grabbing the cooler): Guys that was not funny!
Amir (still laughing): Oh yes it was! It was funnier than that time back in the days of Rough Cutt..
Bobby (cutting Amir off): No More Rough Cutt!
Amir: Damn. OK, OK, no more rough cutt
Bobby: Thank You
Paige: Any way, that was the funniest thing I have seen in a long time Ryan, we should do that more often guys!
(Everyone high fives each other, except for Ryan who is standing there fuming)
Ryan: I said that wasn’t funny!
Jay: Ryan, give it a break, it was just a joke.
(Ryan wanders over to the Tent.)
Ryan (mumbling): I’ll get you my pretty and your little band, too!
Paige: I heard that Ryan!
Ryan: I’m glad!
Jay (mumbles loudly): yeah, I’m glad that someone can actually understand his incoherent mumbling
(Everyone crawls into the tent and goes to sleep)
*After everyone is up *
(Bobby is singing Brittany spears, while he washes up for breakfast, when suddenly he gets beamed in the head with a rock.)
Bobby: What the hell was that?
(Bobby turns around to find Ryan throwing rocks at his head.)
Bobby: oh Ryan that is so getting me back.
(Bobby laughs and goes back to the campfire, which Paige is setting up.)
Jay (cooking breakfast): How does everyone like their eggs made?
Ryan: Like this!
(Ryan smashes an egg over Jay’s head)
Jay: Ryan you little beast! Now I have to wash my hair again!
Ryan: my plan exactly! It will take you forever to get that out!! Mwahahahaha!
(Jay goes to wash his hair, while Ryan goes frolicking off into the forest, mumbling plans of victory to his self.)
Ryan: ha! They haven’t seen Ryan in action yet. They’ll never be able to compete with my great plan.
(Ryan goes walking through the woods, when suddenly he stumbles upon a shack smack dab in the middle of the forest. Ryan goes wandering up to the door and goes in.)
Ryan: Hello? Is anybody here?
(Ryan goes into the kitchen of the shack and sees a small make shift refridgerator. He opens the door and looks in.)
Ryan: BEER!!!!!!!!!!!
(an old hermit comes running into the kitchen.) hermit: who’s messing with my beer?
Ryan: aggh! What are YOU?
hermit: i was gunna ask you the same thing, what are you, a clown?
ryan: Clown?? what the hell? i'll show you who's a clown... (lunges at the hermit)
Bobby(walks in): what the hell are you doing ryan? don't do that to the poor old guy!!!!
Ryan (whining): but he said he thought i was a clown.
Bobby: thats cuz you are a clown!
hermit: damn straight!
Ryan: (sniffles): ok, i can tell when i am unloved... i'll just go, no one will notice. (ryan walks off towards the camp where the rest of the guys are)
Paige: hey Ryan, come here!
Ryan (perks up): what?
Paige: can you do me a favor? will you do the dishes for me?
Ryan: dammit, i feel unloved.
Paige: is that a yes?
Ryan: yeah, i guess, beings no one wants to be with me.
Amir: ry, quit your bitching.
later that evening everyone is around the campfire telling stories when they hear screaming coming from the forest.
Ryan: Uh-oh.
Jay: ryan dont tell me this is your revenge on us for last night....
Ryan: it's not, i promise.
(the screaming continues and gets closer)
Bobby: that can't be good. i'm gunna go in the tent. (bobby gets up and hurridly crawls into the tent.the other guys follow as the sound nears there camp site. they are all huddled inside the tent.)
Amir:i wonder whats making the noise.
Ryan: my beer!!!!! dammit my beer is out there! (runs screaming out of the tent and runs right into the hermit who is screaming. ryan screams in return. the rest of the guys crack up.)
Jay: haha! you fell for it again Ry!
Ryan: shut up! it's soooo not funny! let's go home! i'm sick of the damn woods!
Amir: you are such a wuss ryan.
jay: we'll leave first thing in the morning Ry. now go to sleep.
ryan: (pouts and goes into the tent): fine!
the next morning...(all the guys wake up to hear the laughter of ryan)
jay: ryan, have you gone mad? (he cracks open an eye, and runs his hand thru his hair. he feels sticky goo. he looks at his hand. melted marshmellows stare back at him.)God Damn you Ryan! do you know how bad this is for my hair? (he looks at the other guys's hair. paige has peanut butter in his, bobby has melted chocolate in his, and mir has butter in his.)
Paige: what the hell is going on? (the guys discover there hair. they seek revenge on ryan by taking all his beer from him and drinking it in front of his eyes.)
Ryan: nooooo!!!! my precious beer! it's all GONE! (cries) i wanna go home! (all the guys are mad at ryan, but they pack their stuff and head back home. ryan is sobbing about his beer, when suddenly the hermit pops up from the back of the car.)
hermit: here is you beer ryan! (hands him a beer)
Ryan: alright! i love you mr. hermit! beeeeeer!!!
THE END! (p.s i know the ending sucks, but forgive me it's nearly 2 in the morning, if you wanna write a new ending, please please go ahead and send me it!)
