I'm watching the crowd out in front of me and wondering if all of them really care about us. Or me. Three thousand pairs of arms reaching up for us to take their hand. That's all they want. The mere touch of our fingertips to theirs is all they want, and I'm busy standing behind a microphone singing to them. I'm wondering if I decided to stop just to touch their hands if they would care.

If all of the music stopped, they wouldn't care. If I went out and touched every single one of them, I could walk off the face of the planet and they wouldn't care. It's all so flattering, but I wonder if they realize how hard it is to keep going. They don't know that I wake up to Taylor hacking in the bathroom at midnight, or how Zac falls asleep everywhere he sits down. They don't realize that we haven't been in our own beds for four months. They don't care either as long as we touch them.

They think it's cute that we cut our hair, but they don't realize we did it just to spite them. We got sick of being associated with nice hair. We got sick of being asked at every interview what shampoo we used. But as soon as our hair was off, the fans went crazy. "It's so cute!" They'd scream. "It looks so much better!" And then we realized no matter what we did to our hair, they wouldn't care, as long as we touched them. As long as we went up on stage and sang their favorite songs and then took time to stick our hands out.

Sometimes, we feared for our lives when we stuck our hands out there. They don't realize that it isn't easy when you're two feet above them and they're all pulling down on you. The security guards don't even have control. The fans are like an army set out to accomplish one thing, even if it does cause someone to be injured.

I wish I could stop, for my brothers sake. It worries me that they won't be able to go on a few months down the road. But there's nothing I can do about it but hope. I watch Zac and hope that he won't wake up grumpy for the interview we have to do. But I know that's inevitable. He'll wake up and put his fake smile on and pretend to all the fans out there that we're having the times of our lives. That everything is just fine and dandy. Fans wouldn't even understand all the bullshit we go through.

So as I'm playing a song, (a favorite to someone out there) I begin to wonder what would happen if I just decided to stop and start talking about it. I would tell them what bitches they can be first off, or maybe I would save that and start off with how Taylors' gay. But what about Zac, or me? I know, how about we hate half the songs on the new record, but we didn't really get much of a say in what was put on it. Therefore, if they like it, they have unbelievably horrible taste in music. Maybe I should just smile and tell them all they can go to hell as I shake each and every hand. Telling them they're all fakes would make them think.

Kindness sucks, because as I finish thinking all that, I realize I don't have the balls to tell them anything. I couldn't embarrass myself like that, or my brothers. I just wish I could tell them somehow. I want my privacy back. I want my normalcy back. I want you all to smile as we walk past you, not shriek and scream. But most of all, I want my brothers to be happy. I'm doing this for them. I was the first one to write a song, but they were the first ones to want to sing that song. I may be the oldest, but they are far more responsible.

It just bothers me how some people disregard our feelings for their own. We are just three boys from Oklahoma doing what we love to do even if it does involve putting on a mask for the sake of the record label. We have feelings like every other person. Some people might be surprised by that, but I get just as self-conscious about things as everybody else. I hate the way I look sometimes, but I still get up each morning, good day or bad, and smile for the camera. I do it for the fans who just want me to acknowledge them. I wish I could personally thank every single one of them, but I can't. The best I can do is smile and sing their favorite song.

I wish I could touch all of them. It's humanly impossible, but I still wish I could do it. It's kind of ironic though, because what they don't realize is that they've already touched me. Regardless if they have met me or not.