It was our first night home in four months. Me and my brothers were so busy promoting our new album, that we hadn't even had time to call home to talk to our grandmother.

We ordered pizza from Pizza Hut, and sat around watching baseball. I don't remember the teams that played, but I do remember the bet I made with Isaac. He won that bet. Our dad was into the game. He was the only dad I ever met that loved baseball as much as he loved his wife. I remember him inviting his friends over one year for the World Series. The mess they made took my mom two days to clean up. There were chip crums smashed into the carpet and beer stains in the sofa. She was mad, but we all knew that it didn't matter. My dad would sleep outside for days, just to get to watch baseball.

After the game, Isaac went out with his friends. I felt bad when he didn't invite me. His friends were my friends, and I had more fun with them than he ever had. Zac and I sat reading fan mail. Almost all the letters said the same thing; We inspired them, we made their lives more worthwhile, we were so cute. They were fun to read though, and I am convinced that Zac and I had more fun reading those letters, than Isaac ever had with his friends. One letter talked about nothing but my hair. The girl was from Columbus, Ohio, and she had cut and dyed her hair to match mine. I was flattered.

The night ended when Zac fell asleep in the pile of envelopes. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen, and I wish I had a picture of it to show to any of his future girlfriends. I got him awake long enough to get him up to bed. He insisted on sleeping in the upstairs rec room. I didn't argue. I had the room to myself. I didn't waste any time in getting in bed. I was tired and sore and there was nothing more I wanted than sleeping in my own bed.

I guess I'm lucky my bed is on the opposite wall of the window. The window has a week set of white blinds on it. The light shines in the room at night, and in the morning, you're lucky if you don't wake up to the blinding sun in your eyes. But you can also see shadows pretty well.

That night I watched the shadows dancing around before I fell asleep. I'm a bit scared of shadows, I always have been, and I always will be. So in this case, the shadows to me were beautiful in a kind of unpleasant way. I could see the trees from our front yard dancing in the wind, and the moon light trickeling through each movement.

I finally turned to face the wall and closed my eyes. I was on the verge of sleep when I heard scratching. My first thought was that it was our ever absent cat, but when I looked to the window I saw two figures. I then heard a low whispering and a ripping sound of the screen being cut. I quietly and slowly got out of my bed and walked to the door that I had left open. I walked out into the hall and looked around, I didn't know what to do. This had never happenen to me.

I ran as fast as I could through the house to my parents' room. I shook my dad awake and told him what was happening. He instructed me to grab my other siblings and get out of the house. I did as I was told. I got Zoe, and Avery first. Then Jessica. Last, I got Mackenzie and Zac who were both asleep on the hide-a-bed in the rec room. I rushed them out the sliding door as I heard the stomps and yells of the intruders. In my last minute thinking, I grabbed the cordless phone out of its cradle and quickly dialed 9-1-1. It was only a moment before I was given instructions to get as far away from the house as possible.

We all ran to the back fence, and with the help from Zac, we got each of us over the fence and to our neighbors yard. I turned and looked back. There were no lights on in any of the rooms I could see. I started praying that my mom and dad would be alright. I flinched and felt a tear streak down my face when I heard a gunshot. I tried my hardest to be the big brother. I tried to keep everyone from crying, but Zac was doing a better job of it than I was.

We got to the back door of our neighbor's house and Zac started banging and screaming. I held Zoe, silently cursing Isaac.

The door finally opened and I could hear the siren of a nearby cop car. The neighbor lady didn't understand what was going on. Like six kids frantically crying didn't give any indication either. I pushed my way into the house past the lady. I had only talked to her a few times on occasion, and I think that to her, we were out of control rock stars. I got to the front door and unlocked it, with Zoe still in my arms. The sirens were getting closer. I ran out onto the lawn and into the street. The car stopped in front of me and the officer got out.

Zac explained to him what was going on and the man ran to our house.

I was so scared. Phyllis, the neighbor lady, was calming Jessica and Avery. Zac had Mackenzie, and I was clinging to Zoe.

I didn't understand how one second I could be peacefully drifting off to sleep and the next there were gunshots going off in my house.

Another cop showed up and did the same as the first cop. Soon, there were ambulances and fire engines all up the street. Everything was going on, but nothing was happening. I watched the house and hoped and prayed that my parents were all right. Officer Thomas held us back. He wouldn't let any of us go into the house, or onto the yard.

I finally decided to call Isaac. Phyllis was still trying to get the girls to sleep when I asked her if I could use her phone. She kind of nodded and a part of me wanted to jump on her and scream at her. I held in my anger though, and went to use the phone.

Isaac answered on the fourth ring.

"Ike, come home. Someone came into the house, and I got them all out, but they won't let me in and the gunshot and the kids are okay. Come home!," I frantically said to Isaac.

He answered confused. "What gunshot?"

"The one in the house, and the police came, but they won't let us in. The guys just came in Ike!" I cried. "Right through the window!"

"I"m on my way," Ike said.

I hung up the phone and held my face in my hands and cried. Zac came up to me and put his arm around me.

"It'll be okay," he muttered, almost to himself.

Zoe sat on the floor at my feet and Phyllis came and picked her up. "I'll put her in bed with the other girls," she said to Zac.

"I don't know how it happened," I said to Zac. "I was laying there and I heard something. I thought it was Janet, Zac. So I turned, and there were these two guys standing out there ripping at our screen."

"It's okay. We're alright. Okay?" Zac tried to assure.

I felt a little better, but not entirely. There had still been a gunshot. And they still hadn't got the guys out. I wanted to go back into my house! I wanted to see my mom and dad! I felt like they were hiding something from me. I felt like something terrible had happened and they were trying to protect us. Sitting there next to Zac, I tried my hardest to keep it all in. I wouldn't allow myslef to break down. I had to be strong for my siblings, and for my parents who were still in the house.

"Your older brother is here," Phyllis said coming into the room. I stood up and wiped my face. I couldn't let Isaac see me like this. I walked outside, and the second I saw him, I started crying again. What can I say, I'm sensitive. He ran to me and half-heartedly hugged me. His mission was to find out what was going on. Which was a good thing, because those cops didn't seem to know, and my parents lives were at stake because of them.

I watched as Ike talked to some police officers. At my front door three police officers dragged out the two intruders. My mother was close behind. A police officer had his arm around her and she was crying. My heart sank. My poor mother had been in there, probably more scared than the kids and I could ever have been. I stared at her mane of blond hair. She had left it down and it covered her face as her head was bent. Every part of me wanted to go and wrap my arms around her. I was her Taylor, she always said. If anyone can make it better, it's you, she used to whipser to me at night time. I wanted to do that for her. I wanted to be my valiant eight year old self again who knew how to make everyone smile and laugh after something bad happened. But it had all vanished, and I tried desperately to grasp anything that was still remaining.

I sat down. I wanted everything to go away. I wanted yesterday to come back and we could live this all over and do everything right. I hated that I hadn't made my parents come with me. There was enough time. I could have, should have, would have, done so many things different. But it was over, and my mom was crying, and I was crying, and nobody seemed to care.

When Isaac walked back to me with tears in his eyes, I knew it was bad. Something was bad. Something bad happened and through the simple process if elimination, I knew it was my father. My whole family's life-blood. The real reason Hanson was where it was.

It was as I suspected when Isaac uttered the words, "Dad's dead." I watched in a daze as Isaac cried out. He kicked Phyllis's potting plant and broke it. They let my mom go and she came running over. Isaac and her stood there hugging for a good seven minutes. I dried my eyes and walked into Phyllis's house and laid down on the floral couch. I couldn't make this better by a simple kiss on the cheek. My worst nightmare had come true. And every thing in me told me it was my fault. I was to blame. I was the first to see the intruders, and I was the one who told my parents about it. I couldn't fathom how any of this could even be true. I curled into a ball and let myself drift off to sleep. I was too depressed to do anything else. I wanted nothing more than to just drift off and never awake again. I couldn't imagine going on with that wide gap, where my father should be. My dad. My life.

Nothing compares to the guilt I felt the night my father died. I've been told every day since that night that it wasn't my fault. I've been told that there was nothing more that I could have done. I don't believe that though; I know there was something I could have done.

It was my window.

I'm just writing this note to tell you all that this is my least favorite storie. I wrote it a few weeks back and I haven't had the balls to put it up. I've re-written and revised and this is the best I could come up with. I'm sure it could be written better, but . . . I'm not going to complain anymore. I just hope you like it, because after all I've been through with this one, I need positiveness.