Chapter Sixty five - The morning of a very long night
 

 **03:18 AM**

Nicholas looked at his girlfriend as if she grew two heads and said in disgust "Sharon, what are you babbling about?"
Sharon exclaimed angrily "Your sister agrees with me!"
Nicholas, upset, snapped at his sister "Victoria, it’s your imagination going crazy, mom isn’t pregnant with Brad’s child, come on! Geez, I think you should go to sleep, the more tired you get, the more insane ideas come up with"
Sharon exclaimed "It make all the sense in the world, otherwise, why would your mother act the way she did?"
Nicholas said, annoyed "There could be a thousand reasons for that"
Victoria sat down on the couch next to Nicholas, and looked at her brother, Her confusing and distress evident on her face "Do you really think there’s nothing to it?"
Nicholas nodded "Yea, I do…Come on, dad was all excited about the pregnancy, mom wouldn’t let him get so charged up about it, if she didn’t know who the father was"
Victoria looked at him, a frown on her face "Yea… It really doesn’t make a lot of sense…but…"
She bit her lip and asked questioningly "She never actually told dad that this is his baby, right?"
Nicholas rolled his eyes "That part was suppose to be obvious! If it wasn’t his baby she wouldn’t have told him at all"

Sharon raised her eyebrows in disbelief; they were totally ignoring the fact that Nikki never come out and told Victor about the baby on her own free will, but seeing how Nicholas reacted, she didn’t think she should bring it up again.
She looked at Cole and he glanced back at her, both feeling there is more to the story than their spouses are ready to believe in.

Victoria looked at Nicholas, he was so convinced it wasn’t true… maybe she was just overreacting.
She said to Nicholas, sighing, "You… you’re right, I’m just blowing the whole thing out of proportions, mom and dad will get here eventually and explain everything, I know they will"
Nicholas said firmly "Yea… and things will be okay, for all of us…come here, give me a hug"
Victoria, trying to smile at him, wrapped her arms around him. Everything was so chaotic since he returned home, they spent very little time together… but at those moments she realized just how much she had missed her little brother.
Nicholas heard her sniffing, and asked "Now what? You just said you think you’re making too much of this thing with mom"
Victoria wiped her tears and pulled back "No silly, it isn’t that… I’m just glad you’re home"
Nicholas smiled at her "Me too Vick"

Victoria sighed as she rose from the sofa "I think I’m going to fix myself a drink"
Cole looked at her worriedly "Vicki, don’t you think you had enough?"
Victoria retorted "No. Nick you want anything?"
Nicholas sighed "A new head, this one is killing me, I can already feel the hangover"
Sharon said worriedly "I will go get you some aspirin"
Nicholas groaned "I already took two"

Victoria headed toward the bar when they heard the ring of the phone.
Victoria turned sharply and stared at the phone, it was ringing, and ringing…
Cole said to her "That had to be your parents"
Nicholas looked at her "Should I answer?"
Victoria shook her head determinably "No, I’ll get it"

She reached out her hand and picked up the receiver and said "Hello?"

On the other side of the phone, Victor draw breath as his heard his daughter’s voice, maybe grasping for the first time how hard all of it is going to on his children.
He said softly "Hello my sweetheart, you’re not asleep?"
Vicki breathed out a sigh of relief "Dad! Hey…"
She looked at the rest of the family as she continued "I’m so glad you’ve called, it’s late, we’ve been worried, it’s so cold outside, and you never came back inside"
Victor sighed deeply, he guessed that they would have" I know and I’m sorry, I just called to tell you we’re both fine"
Victoria, her fingers playing nervously with the fringed quilt, asked "You’re with mom, then?"
Victor responded "Yes, I am, so you needn’t worry"
Victoria asked him "Where are you?"
Victor took a deep breath, and bit his lip and said quietly "Sweetheart… I just called to let you and Nicholas know we are alright"
Victoria tensed up "Which is your way of telling me you don’t want to tell me where you are?"
Victor sighed, "It’s something you don’t need to know right now, we should be back in the early morning"
Victoria asked emotionally, standing up "Why can’t you just tell me? Why the big mystery?"
Victor paused and then said "My sweetheart…" He closed his eyes and spoke in effort "I know you must have a million questions, but all of that is going to have to wait till we get home"
Victoria, angry tears in her eyes said "Dad, Why is it so difficult for you to tell me where you are?"
Victor said, shaking his head "Because I can’t. I need you to trust me when I tell you this"
Victoria retorted "Why should I?"
She gasped as she realized what she said and immediately apologized, "I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say this…but I don’t understand what’s going on here…are you and mom back together or not?"
Victor fought the urge to slam down the phone, he loved his daughter with all of his heart, but he simply could not deal with her penetrating questions right now.

He replied quietly " I know you think you’re asking a very simple question but I have nothing but complicated answers to give you"
Victoria swallowed her tears and said, "Where’s mom? I want to talk to her"
Victor looked toward Nikki’s hospital room, she was probably asleep and he didn’t want to wake her up, so he said slowly "She can’t come to the phone right now, she’s asleep"
Victoria frowned, and asked him "Are you at the apartment?"
Victor responded "No"
Victoria couldn’t control the little, hopeful grin "A motel?"
Victor shook his head and softly said "Sweetheart…I promise you that we would both talk to you tomorrow...I have to go now, I love you"
And he hung up.

He walked to the lounge and sank on the nearest sofa wearily.
The woman he loved was lying in a bed, mere feet away from where he was standing, and yet it felt to him like they were miles apart.
He was angry, he tried to deny that, but he was angry with her for putting their future in danger, for putting their dream to reunite their family at risk of dissolving and never reappearing again.
And he was angry with himself, for not being truly able to put all those feelings aside and lend Nikki the support she needed.

"How I want this child to be our, mine and Nikki’s" Victor thought as he recalled those amazing moments they shared when they finally gave in to their passion and love to each other, barely a couple of months ago… but at the same time – a life time away.

This was his chance. Their chance - to be truly happy at last. He didn’t want this hope to be lost again.
 

**03:30 AM**

Victoria stared at the phone, completely confused.
Nicholas asked her "No dice?"
Victoria slammed the phone down and shook her head "He didn’t tell me anything. He wouldn’t even tell me where they are, but he is with mom, and she’s asleep…But they are not in his apartment, and I don’t think they are staying at a hotel, there were weird background noises"

Cole frowned, "What kind of noises?"
Victoria shook her head and sank back on the couch in front of Nicholas "I have no idea, but if he was talking from an hotel room, it should have been quiet and not noisy"
Sharon suggested "Maybe he was speaking from the lobby"
Victoria shrugged "That’s possible, but still…I don’t think he was talking from any sort of hotel, he sounded…so… tired and sad"
She looked at Nicholas fearfully "I really don’t like this Nicholas, I really don’t"
Nicholas looked at his sister worriedly, he could tell what she was thinking of, and he didn’t want to even think about it.
 
The silence was broken by Sharon’s loud yawn, she put a hand on her mouth and apologized "Sorry"
Cole looked at her "Sharon, don’t you need to get home eventually?"
Sharon called out, alarmed "Oh my gosh, I told my mother I’ll be back by two or three at the most"
Nicholas groaned and snuggled against her, burying his nose in her neck "Oh, come on baby, can’t you stay?"
Sharon pushed him away and looked at him appalled "Here? Your parents will be home at the morning, I’m not staying here, not without telling my mother"
Nicholas complained "But she knows I just got out of jail"
Sharon scolded him "Hey, she looked the other way yesterday when you stayed over, she won’t do it again, you know her, and I bet your mom wouldn’t be overjoyed.

Victoria, taking a sip from her white wine, added "Nick’s she’s right, now is a really bad time for you to start having girlfriends over to sleep...I mean not to be rude or anything, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for her to be here when mom and dad gets home, they are only going to want the family here if they have something to tell us"
Nicholas protested "Sharon is family"
Victoria said "I’m not sure mom sees it that way"
She turned to Sharon "Really, Sharon, it’s not personal, but they are going to want to talk to Nick and me alone"

Sharon, a bit offended, said haughtily "I need to get going anyway"
Nicholas sighed, and than said, "Okay, Cole, do you mind to give her a lift? I probably shouldn’t drive"
Cole smiled and got up, "I was about to suggest that"
Sharon sighed in relief "Thanks Cole…"
She looked at Nicholas "You’re coming with us?"

Cole looked at Victoria, he didn’t want her to stay home alone in the mood she was in.
Nicholas saw Cole’s expression and got the hint, he said to Sharon "Baby, I’d love too, but I’m afraid I’ll throw up in the car"
Sharon smiled understandably "Oh, that’s okay…go to sleep, you parents won’t be home for a while"
Nicholas wrapped his hands around her and gave her a hug, and whispered something in her ear, Sharon giggled and nodded, and then kissed him goodnight.
 
As she and Cole were headed out the door, she looked at Victoria and said, "Have a good night Victoria"
Victoria, not looking at them, her expression blank, said back "You too Sharon"

Cole discreetly gestured to Nicholas to walk them out, when they got outside, he said "Try to get her to go to sleep"
Nicholas shook his head "Forget it, she’s going to wait up for mom and dad, don’t fight her on this, you won’t change her mind"
Cole sighed "I just hate seeing her doing that to herself"
Nicholas said, "I’ll see what I can do, but don’t count on that"
Cole nodded "Thanks"

Nicholas bid goodbye to Sharon and than got back into the head and sat next to his sister, wrapping his arm around her.
Victoria leaned her head against his shoulder sadly.
She said to Nicholas after a long pause, her eyes growing misty and hazy "You know I remember mom and dad’s wedding?"
Nicholas glanced at his sister "You can’t remember it, you were what? One year old?"
Victoria replied calmly "Nearly two"
Nicholas sighed and shook his head "Vicki, you can’t remember things that happened when you were two years old, even if it is mom and dad’s wedding…"
Victoria was not to be deterred "Well, I remember that, not all of it, but a few moments… when mom walked down the alter, when they danced"
Nicholas sighed "You remember the pictures, Vicki, there has to be million pictures from the wedding"
Victoria slowly shook her head "Nope, I remember the wedding, not the pictures. I remember how dad gave me the pearl necklace in the morning of the wedding, he gave mom the exact same thing…that wasn’t in any of the pictures. You can choose not to believe me if you want to, but I know what I remember"
Nicholas decided it would be best to say nothing, just said "Enough with the wine, Vick"
Victoria put the glass down and asked him "So, what did Cole want when he dragged you outside?"
Nicholas smiled at her perceptiveness "He wants you to go to sleep. Vicki, don’t be so hard on him, the guy really loves you, and you’re acting like a total bitch to him"
Victoria glowered at him "Hey, watch it! He should have told me about mom and dad"
Nicholas sighed "Come on, Vicki, you know that if things were different you wouldn’t have been mad"
Victoria asked him "What you mean?"
Nicholas said "If mom and dad just came and told us they were getting back together, you wouldn’t have cared that he didn’t tell you before, because you would be too happy to care. You’re only mad at him because of the way we found out, and you’re worried that it won’t work out for them"
Victoria exclaimed "And you’re not?"
Nicholas said defensively "Of course I am… but it the fact we didn’t know about it doesn’t change anything"
Victoria said emotionally "But if I had known about mom and dad, maybe I could have done something – change what happened tonight"
Nicholas sighed "Like what? What could you have done?"
Victoria said sadly "I don’t know…something!" She said quietly "That depends on the problem"
She and Nicholas looked at each other, neither daring to even bring it up.

After a pause, Nicholas looked at her "You’re staying up, then?"
Victoria nodded yes and then looked at Nicholas "But you can go to sleep, if you want to"
Nicholas shook his head "No, I’ll stay here with you, just give me a little bit of that quilt…"

    **07:05 AM**

A ray of gray, dull sunshine moved slowly from Nikki’s nose to her eyes…
Her eyes fluttered and slowly opened, and she was startled as it took her a moment to remember where she was.
Her throat felt dry and sticky, and she still felt a bit lightheaded, but she was feeling much better. There was a glass of water near her bed, and she emptied it in one gulp.
She slowly rose to sit up, moving her still moist hair away from her face, and looked around the room.

To her surprise, Victor was lying on the sofa on the other side of the room, wearing what looked to be a surgeon’s scrubs, asleep.  He spent the night in her room after all.
But she could see from the expression on his face as he slept, that he wasn’t having a good night at all.

Feeling the strong need to go to the bathroom, Nikki tried to get out of the bed, but stopped as she realized the IV was still attached to her arm, with the needle in her vein "Great" She softly muttered "What do I do with that thing?"
She looked at the bag, it was empty, and no longer dripping.
In a decisive motion, she removed the small band-Aid that held the needle in place, and pulled it out, grimacing, expecting pain, but feeling barely anything.

She put the band-aid back so she won’t bleed, and slowly lowered her legs to the floor. Yea, she was still a little dizzy, but it was the usual lightheadedness of standing up after lying down. Nothing like the night before.
Tiptoeing next to Victor, she got into the small bathroom attached to the privet rooms.

As she got out of the bathroom she looked at her watch, 7:08, and she thought that if it weren’t for the nagging need to go to the bathroom she wouldn’t have woken up at all.
She slowly moved toward the sofa, and watched Victor asleep. She wanted nothing more than to cuddle up against him, and sleep a little while longer. Like they did the last time they were in a hospital.

Victor’s sleep was light, and feeling eyes resting on him, woke up, startled.
Nikki said apologetically  "Oh, I didn’t mean to wake you"
Victor stretched, his necks filled with kinks from sleeping on the sofa, and said "You didn’t, I wasn’t really sleeping." He said softly "You look much better"
Nikki said in a small voice "Thank you, for bringing me… "
Victor said softly "You welcome"

Nikki asked him "So, how’d it go with the kids?"
Victor rose to a sitting position and sighed  "Don’t ask"
Nikki looked at him frightened "Don’t tell me they suspect!"
Victor shrugged "I don’t know what they think, they are obviously very confused. I don’t think they really know but I bet they have their theories, I practically hung up on our daughter, I couldn’t answer her questions"
Nikki sighed painfully and asked "What did our daughter said?"
Victor said "She was upset I didn’t tell her where we are..."
Nikki asked him "Why didn’t you?"
Victor glanced at her "Because I don’t think that we should tell them what’s going on here, I didn’t think you would either, it’s going to be difficult enough for them to deal with at home"
Nikki looked away and stated bitterly "And that’s all my fault, I know"
Victor gestured her with his head to sit next to him "Sit down for a minute"
Nikki shook her head, tears in her eyes "What’s the point? You can’t help the way you feel"

They were silent for a minute, and then Victor said earnestly, in a quiet voice "You have no right to be mad at me, I’m entitled to being upset and I am trying, I'm trying very hard not to let that show"
Nikki continued not to look at him, but set down as she replied "I never said I was mad. And yes, how could you not be upset? I might be having another man’s child"
Victor started "Nikki…"
Nikki broke his words, looking at his this time "You don’t say anything and it frightens me, you barely talks about it, and when we do talk about it you shut me out, like last night"
Victor shook his head, upset and frustrated "I needed to be by myself for a while, to think about things. I thought you’d understand"
Nikki whispered "I do understand…that’s just the problem"

Victor got up and said "I don’t want to talk about this until we find out what we’re dealing with, I haven’t made any decisions yet about what we’ll do *if*, I don’t like speaking theoretically, you know that"
Nikki sighed, and said tearfully "I need to know what you’re feeling in your heart"
Victor sighed heavily; he didn’t want to talk about it.
Nikki continued "I’m sure you thought about what you’ll do if the baby is Brad’s, and I need to know…I have to know what you’re thinking, and I have to know if you’re going to make me choose!"

Victor didn’t have enough time to answer her as the door opened and both Doctor Noah and Doctor Lasky walked into the room.

Realizing they came in a bad time, doctor Lasky apologized and said, "Oh, if we’re interrupting I can come back"
Nikki glanced at Victor, who seemed to be relieved at the interruption, and quickly wiped the tears away and said "No, no...There won’t be a better time, come on in"
Doctor Lasky, looking troubled, greeted both Victor and Nikki good morning and said, "I understand you wanted to see me, Nikki"
Nikki looked at Doctor Noah questioningly and he said "I filled him in, I hope you don’t mind"
Nikki shook her head no "No that’s okay"
 
Doctor Noah said "Well, I will leave you three to talk, but before that, I want to check you up"
Nikki said, "I’m feeling much better"
Doctor Noah said firmly "I’ll be the judge of that, how did you disconnected the I.V?"
Nikki bit her lip and raised her eye brows at him "Hmmm….by calling the nurse and have her do it for me?"
Doctor Noah smiled "That’s a good answer Nikki, completely false, but a good answer…"

He pointed toward the bed and ordered "Sit, so I could take your vitals"
Nikki sat down and let him examine her, when he was finished he said "Good, everything is satisfactory, your blood pressure is still a bit on the high side Nikki, but within the ranges of normal"
Victor asked him, "Does that means she can go home?"
Nikki looked at Doctor Noah hopefully and he nodded "Yes, Nikki, you can go home"
Nikki breathe out a sigh of relief "Thank god, for a minute there I was worried you’re going to chain me to the bed"
Doctor Noah added "But…"
Nikki smiled "How I knew there was going to be a ‘but’"
Doctor Noah said, "I’m not releasing you until to give me your word you’re going to take care of yourself from now on, that means no more skipping meals, proper rest at night, and no more midnight strolls in the snow"
Nikki nodded "You have my word, I promise, thank you for everything"

Doctor Noah sent a look toward Victor as to warn him that he better take care of her, and said "Than I’m off to sign your release papers. Nikki, Victor…John, we will catch up later"

Doctor Lasky nodded his head, and waited till Doctor Noah was out of the room to say "Okay, doctor Noah filled me in generally, but I’m going to need a few more details from you"
Nikki sighed and moved restlessly on the bed, not saying a word.
Doctor Lasky misread her silence and said "Nikki, you don’t need to feel embarrassed, I’m your doctor, and it’s strictly a medical issue for me"
Nikki looked from him to Victor helplessly, it was harder than she thought

Victor, who up till then sat on the couch, looking preoccupied, got up. Without looking at Nikki said, "It’s not you’re presence that’s bothering her, I think I’m going to wait outside"
Nikki called out after him "No, Victor… don’t go, this concerns you too"
Victor turned to look at her and said, "You’re obviously uncomfortable with me being here for this so maybe it would be bes…"
Nikki hushed him "I want you to stay, please…"
Victor complemented that for a moment, and then sat down next to her on the bed and taking her hand with his, squeezing it.

Nikki looked at Doctor Lasky and then started explaining "I was involved with a man, we slept together, and then me and Victor got back together and… "
She sighed and then continued "It was maybe two weeks apart, think, maybe a little less"
I was on the pills but it was on and off, I really wasn’t strict with taking them the way I should have…"
She continued, helplessness in her voice, "And now I found out I’m pregnant, and I have no idea who the father of the baby is"
Doctor Lasky asked her "And no other birth control measures were used?"
Nikki shook her no sadly, and added, "You can tell me I was being stupid"
Doctor Lasky smiled at her "I think you have enough lectures from doctors in 24 hours Nikki, you don’t need me to tell you what you know yourself, and it doesn’t matter now, all that matters is to give you the answers you are looking for. Tell me something, when was your last period?"
Nikki sighed "That’s just it, I don’t remember, my life was in such chaos while my son was in jail. I do know it was suppose to be right between those two times, but I don’t remember if I got it, no matter how much I try… I’m drawing a blank"

Doctor Lasky sighed, pondering the situation… after a moment he said "Well, Nikki, the way I see it, there are two options, one is for me to do an ultrasound, and try to estimate the age of the pregnancy – and the date of the conception"
Victor said, "That sound very simple"
Doctor Lasky shook his head "I’m afraid it isn’t, Victor, there are a numbers of factors that might mislead us if we’re going to try and determine the fetus age at this point. Had you said there were three weeks apart between the dates it would have been easily detected, but less than two weeks…"
He sighed "It’s not easy to determinate a pregnancy’s age at this point, a number of things can influence that, the fetus can appear older or younger than it really is, and the only way to make sure is to repeat the test again and again, throughout the pregnancy… I assume you wouldn’t want to wait with that"
Nikki shook her head "No, I want to know as soon as possible…"
Victor asked quietly "You said there is another option"
Doctor Lasky nodded "Yes, a paternity test, while Nikki is still pregnant, that is by far the most accurate way of testing a paternity"
Victor said in amazement "I never knew this could even be done so early until Nikki told me about it"
Doctor Lasky said "Before we get into more details, I need to know how pregnant you are, roughly"
Nikki replied "Around 8 weeks, or eight and a little bit, that depends"
Doctor Lasky looked thoughtful, so she asked, "Is that going to be a problem?"
Doctor Lasky replied "Well, you’re on the bottom of the scale, a paternity in the first trimester can be determinate as of the 8 week, but I don’t think there’s going to a problem, if you’re already eight weeks pregnant, we will do an ultrasound before anyway."
Nikki asked "So, tell me about it"
Chorionic Villus Sampling, which is a relatively new procedure, and it enable me to check paternity as early as you are, when normally you would have to wait until the 14 week"
Nikki asked him "And how exactly do you do it?"
Doctor Laskey replied "I’m going to have an ultrasound, to check the location of the placenta, and then I will insert a catheter through the cervix and and take small sample from the outside of the gestational sack by gentle suction"
Nikki flinched at his description "Oh you’ve got to be kidding me, does it hurt?
Doctor lasky said reassuringly "Most women feel very little discomfort"
Nikki wrinkled her nose "And what about all the rest?"
Seeing the expression on Nikki’s face he smiled "I’ve never had complains before"
Victor asked him "So you have done this before?"
Doctor Lasky nodded "Many times"
Nikki asked fearfully "Doctor Lasky, is there a risk, to the baby, I mean?"
Doctor Lasky said reassuringly "Yes, a minimal risk, 0.5 percent chances of a miscarriage"
Nikki exchanged looks with Victor who said seriously "We have to know, one way or the other, we have to know, and it can’t wait 8 more months"
Nikki took a deep breath and then nodded her head "Fine…when can I have it done?"
Doctor Lasky replied "I trust you want it done as soon as possible?"
Nikki nodded "Yea"
Doctor Lasky said "How about tonight, in the evening, it would give you a chance to rest properly"
Nikki buried her face in her hands and said in a choked voice "I don’t know how I’m going to do that"
Victor sighed and looked at her, a lump in his throat.

Doctor Lasky said firmly "You’re going to have to relax, Nikki, you can resume normal activity after the test, but I do want you relaxed before that"
Nikki nodded and Victor put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him, Nikki looked at him, drawing strength and comfort from his support, knowing how difficult it must be on him.

Doctor said "Well, I think we’re done, if you have anymore questions…"
Victor said "Actually, I have a question, I assume you need blood from the possible father, do you only need mine, or…"
Doctor Lasky cut him off "Yours would be enough, if there’s a match between the baby’s DNA and yours, you will have your answers, it’s a very accurate test, Victor, you needn’t worry"
Victor said bitterly "It’s not the accuracy  I was worried about, Doctor"
Nikki looked at Victor guiltily, and he said to her "You won’t even have to tell him, then"
Nikki whispered "I just hope I never be in the position that I should"
She asked doctor Lasky "How long till we have the results?"
Doctor Lasky said "between 3 and 5 days, but I will put a rush on it at the lab"
Victor said somberly "We would apprichaite it"

Doctor Lasky said "Well, before I sign off your discharge papers, Nikki, Doctor Noah had me feed you before you go, so that’s for you"
He pulled out from his bag a tasty looking turkey sandwich, with all the trimmings"
Nikki made a face "He wants me to eat hospital food? I don’t have enough problems, he wants to add food poisoning too?"
Doctor Lasky got up and smiled "Don’t worry, it isn’t from the cafeteria, he had it ordered special"
Nikki smiled "That was nice of him… So…If I eat I could go home?"
Doctor Lasky nodded and looked at Victor "You’ll make sure she eats it all, I trust"
Victor nodded and said "Thank you, doctor… we will see you tonight"

Doctor Lasky left the room, and left Victor and Nikki sitting there, looking at each other"
Nikki said quietly "We should get going... "
Victor said "Well, there is no reason to stay here anymore now, eat your sandwich, and I will take you home"
Nikki said blankly, not looking at him "Yea...home..."
Victor said softly "Nikki..."
Nikki shook her head tiredly and said "You know, lets just get out of here, I’m sick of this place"
Victor paused, then said "Okay... I don’t blame you, I just want to get a cup of coffee before we go, get organized, and I will meet you outside, you want coffee too?"
Nikki shook her head slowly and said "No, no, I’m fine, but you go ahead, you still need to drive home"
Victor got up and headed outside, stopping to give her one last look, and then left the room.

When he left, Nikki let out a groan and leaned back on the bed.
 She wanted to go home, but the thought of the confrontation with the children filled her heart with dread..."They wanted me and Victor together for so many years" She thought "How could they not hate me for putting that dream at risk? What could I possibly say to them?"