(This Chapter is dedicated to Jessica, that had to put up with me talking about this chapter without really knowing what I wrote for the past three months, and for always giving me her honest opinion on my story, Jess, that's one is for you....)
Chapter Thirty Three - A Sleepy confession
While waiting for their dinner Nikki went to the bathroom to freshen up, when she got back she found Victor adding more woods to the flames in the fireplace, he felt her looking at him from the other side of the room and turned around and asked her "What?" with a smile.
Nikki said tenderly, approaching him "You just look so tired, your eyes are red..." she asked him, touching his cheek softly "Did you sleep at all last night?"
Victor shook his head "No, I couldn’t fall asleep" He looked at down at her "I don’t know if it was because I was tense about today or due to the state our conversation last night left me..." he added with a smile "A little of both, I suppose..."
Nikki’s eyes gleamed as she slide her arms on his silk rob, from his belly to his waist...drawing nearer to him "You started that route of conversation last night, so don’t go on blaming me for the *state* you were left in the time we finished out talk..."
Victor raised his eye brows to her "From what I recall, you were very responsive in our little trip down memory lane.."
Nikki said with a smile "Hey, I’m only human, if you start something, it’s hard for me to put an end to it...even if it... did require us both to take a cold shower afterward..."
At that time Nikki’s arms were already wrapped around his waist and she was standing very close to him, her lips not far from where his robe didn’t close properly and his bare chest was revealed....
Victor’s hands rested on her shoulders as he looked yearningly into her eyes, he leaned down and placed a kisses on her forehead, on to her cheek, jaw line and chin.. .
Her breath got shorter and shorted with each kiss he planted on her, their lips sort of brushed against each other’s, his eyes closed as she slide her hands along his body and he whispered to her "I need you so much"
Nikki sent her hands to hold his face and whispered "Oh god... you too but..."
Victor opened his eyes "But what?"Nikki stoked his cheeks "Didn’t we promise to ourselves we shouldn’t rush it? This would be rushing it, as much as we want each other right now, we probably shouldn’t, it wouldn’t be right, we are too sad and depressed and looking for comfort...."
Victor whispered back "And that would be so wrong?"
Nikki shook her head "It wouldn’t be right...I need some stability right now, with everything else that is going on, and I know that you need it too, we need each other right now, and we don’t need to add
making love to that equation, I’m afraid it would complicate things"Victor asked her "That we do things too soon, you mean?"
Nikki asked him "It’s not that I don’t want you, you know I do...or that I don’t like what is happening between us, I think it’s perfect, I think it’s perfect from the reason we are taking it slowly...."
Victor, with a pained expression on his face pulled away from her and adjusted his rob..."It would be easier if I didn’t agree with you, I know you’re right... I enjoy what we have, it’s just so damn hard sometimes, especailly now..."
Nikki, taking a deep breath said "For me too, but I think it’s best we’ll practice some abstention, at least for a moment when we will know that we’re doing it only because of each other, and it had nothing to do with the pain we’re experiencing..."
Victor said quietly "I just hope that time would be soon, especailly for Nicholas’s sake,
Suddenly the door bell rang...They both closed their eyes and Nikki leaned her forehead against his chest and mumbled "That’s probably the delivery, I better go get it..."
Victor sighed "Yes, you should..."
Nikki slowly broke contact and approached the door as Victor looked after her with an almost frustrated expression.
A minute afterwards she came back with a tray and put it on the table, she smiled sweetly at Victor "After you..."
Victor smiled and sat down, she sat down next to him.
Victor picked up the trey to discover all kinds of good stuff underneath...he inhaled on the smell of the food and said "I think I was hungrier then I thought..." Nikki smiled at him and said "I thought you
might be..."They started eating and Victor asked Nikki "So, how is Victoria?"
Nikki smiled "Better, I think it was a 24 hours virus because she went to work"
Victor asked "Do you know if she and Cole talked?"
Nikki shook her head "No, I have no idea... I didn’t want to upset her with too many questions because she wasn’t feeling well, I hope they are talking and working it out, because otherwise they would have a miserable new years eve"
Victor nodded "I know..." he sighed "They are good together, and most of the time very happy, I just hate to see what is happening to them"
Nikki said sadly "I had a talk with Cole about them on Christmas... he said things were generally okay but that sometimes they have some problems, I think things deteriorated ever since, Victoria is taking Nicholas’s situation hard, and Cole is busy with the new novel..."
She looked at Victor and said "I tried to warn him not to make the mistakes we did...letting go of each other, I hope he heard me..."
Victor asked her "Did you tell Victoria that too?"
Nikki shook her head "I thought it was too dangerous to get anywhere the subject of you and me with her, because Cole saw right through me and Victoria is usually much more suspicious"
Victor looked at Nikki with surprise "You want to tell me Cole knows?"
Nikki moved uncomfortably on the couch "Not exactly, I’m not sure how much he knows, he guessed there was something going on between us... " She looked at Victor "I guess I’m really transparent..."
Victor asked her with a smile "So what did you tell him?"
Nikki shrugged as she drank a bit of water as she finished eating "Not to try to speculate and not to say a word to Victoria..." she paused and said "I don’t think he said anything to her..."
Victor commented "Maybe he should have...it would have solved our problems of how to tell her..."
Nikki shook her head "No, Victoria has got to hear that from us..." She took his hand in hers and said "I want to tell both her, and Nicholas... together if that’s even possible, when the time is right" her expression darkened.
Victor said sadly "I know, it’s important for me too..."
He looked at Nikki, who looked at him back and thought how beautiful she looked, he liked her in purple... and said "You know you look beautiful tonight?"
Nikki smiled a dazzling smile to him, and yet that smile was clouded by sadness "Thank you.."
Victor sent a hand to her cheek "Again, I am sorry about the dinner..."
Nikki cupped his hands with hers and brought them to her lips and shook her head "Don’t... there is no
other way I rather spend tonight then here with you, the only thing I would change is that Nicholas would be home right now, where he should be...but we can’t change that, at least not tonight...so right
now this is where I want to be"Victor looked at her and said sadly "But what a way to spend your new years eve..."
Nikki said, sending a hand to run her fingers through his hair "I’m spending it with you, that all that matters"
Victor sent a hand to her cheek and when he winced slightly, Nikki eyed him with concerned "What’s wrong?"
Victor reassured her "It’s nothing"
Nikki looked at him and said "No it’s not... are you okay?"
Victor paused, seeing there is no way he can sidetrack her he answered "Sweetheart, it’s nothing, really, I worked out on the bag when I came back home today ... I hadn’t had a chance to do it much in the last few weeks and I blew off some steam and...I might have strained a muscle, it’s nothing
serious"Nikki said tenderly "Well, there is no reason for you to be in pain... turn around"
Victor looked at her questioningly, Nikki explained "Turn around, let me see what I can do" She smiled at him "I do give a pretty good massage...as I’m sure you can remember"
Victor eyed her and commented "You just said you didn’t want to rush things between us"
Nikki nodded in agreement "That’s right"
Victor looked at her with a slight smile "Well?"
Nikki smiled at him "Why do you automatically assume anything more would happen?"
Victor looked at her and said "Because in the past, whenever you gave me a massage, one thing
always led to another...and we had enough temptation for one night...I know I had"Nikki tried to keep a serious expression as she smiled at him and said in a firm voice, bringing the
conversation to an end "Would you just turn around?!"
Victor argued no further and turned around.
Nikki propped herself higher on the edge of sofa and slid her hands under his robe, pulling it down his
shoulders and chest as it was left to cover him from the waist down... A shiver ran through both of them as she placed her hands on his upper back, and she was beginning to wonder if Victor might have had a point..She slid her hands up his back and reached his shoulders, and began massaging his shoulders and the back of his neck gently, afraid of causing him pain, not knowing exactly which muscle was hurting him.
Victor smiled at her gentleness "If you keep going like that we can stand here for hours and there would be no improvement whatsoever..."
Nikki protested "I’m just afraid of hurting you... "
She began using more power, rubbing the back of his neck, trying to dissolve the tension of the last few weeks... Victor’s eyes closed and he let out a deep sigh, Nikki smiled in satisfaction and asked "Better?"
Victor nodded silently, stifling a moan as Nikki eased away the tension in his shoulders, he hasn’t gotten a good massage in ages...
Suddenly Nikki stopped and reached out to her bag, Victor looked at her sideways as she was looking for something in her purse...
A smile spread on her lips when she found it, one of those sample body lotion bottles, she showed it to him with a smile of triumph "There..."Victor couldn't help but chuckle "I can’t believe you carry this around"
Nikki said "I went to buy the new Brash and Sassy perfume today and it’s one of those Jabot free samples that comes with it on the first few days of the sale..."
Nikki rubbed her hands together so the lotion wouldn’t be too cold and put it on Victor’s back, and began rubbing his back again, not missing an inch, Victor eyes were closed shut and sighs of pleasure were all he could utter as he enjoyed the sensations she was creating.
She worked her way up from his lower back as he arched his back toward her...
Suddenly Nikki felt him stiffening and backing away from her touch as her hand pressed a spot just below his shoulder blade, Nikki commented "Looks like I found it..."
Victor said in annoyed frustration "Yes I guess you did...I can't even remember the last time it happened to me"
She gently moved her hand over the place and said with slight concern "Oh...No wonder it’s hurting you, you have a huge knot right there... "
Victor asked her, grimacing slightly "Well, can you get it out?"
Nikki frowned "Well, I can try... I just don’t want to hurt you"
Victor smiled softly, turning to her "I promise you won’t, I have pretty high endurance"
Nikki rolled her eyes and said "Oh Yes...I know, I know, fine.. but tell me if I’m hurting you"
Victor nodded and Nikki put some more lotion on his back, and carefully massage the era, not too
weak, to actually make a difference but too strong to avoid causing him pain.
Her hands worked their magic as they slid down to his lower back and the sides of his body, and back up again.
Slowly the tension in his body begin to dissolve and Nikki goes back to massage the painful era,
noticing it is less painful as Victor no longer tensed as she touched it, after a few more minutes she whispered "Better?"Victor, with closed eyes says "Yea.. much better...I forgot how good you are"
Nikki smiles at the compliment as she comments "You’ve been working out harder those last few years haven’t you?"
Victor shrugged "Yes, a tad more, why?"
Nikki smiles as she run her hands on his well-built arms "Well, I can tell now when I’m taking a better
look..."Victor smiled slightly as he said "Well, you should have noticed before..."
Nikki moved to massage the back of his neck and the front of his shoulders as she said with a smile "If you are referring to our night in the shower, I was way too distracted to notice..."
She ran her finger nails deliberately along his spine and enjoyed seeing him tensing as she excited him once more...
She continued a little more and then asked "Do you mind terribly if I’ll stop, my hands are getting tired"
Victor, eyes closed shook his head no.
Nikki stopped the massage and was about to pull her hands away from his shoulders but Victor made a grab for them, causing her breath to stop...still holding her hands he turned to her... he looked deeply into her eyes and took her hands in his, taking them to his lips and kissing the fingertips softly, he whispered to her "Thank you..."
Nikki smiled at him, affected by his warm lips touching her fingers "No need..."
Victor told her "Not just for the massage, which has been absolute heaven, but for putting up with me and my mood tonight" Nikki said with a smile "You have been there for me so much during everything that has been going on, and it’s nice to feel I can return that favor"
Nikki smiled sadly "Today our son is 19, can you believe that?"
Victor shook his head and said "It’s hard to believe isn’t it? And somehow, the last few months look like those 19 years all together..."
He looked at Nikki and asked her "Do you remember the time he choked on that dime?"
Nikki trembled "Oh, I think someone stole 5 years of my life the moment I raced down the stairs and found you performing CPR on him, I’ve never been so scared in my life"
Victor said "Yes, me too, the only exception of it, is now"
Nikki looked at him worriedly "You are really concerned about Amy aren’t you?"
Victor nodded "I’m afraid she would never recover"
He shook his head as he tried to make the thought go away, and looking into Nikki’s tear-filled eyes he embraced her warmly.
Suddenly they heard the clock rings twelfth, they gazed into each other eyes...Victor said "A brand new year....May it be better than the previous one"
Nikki whispered "Somehow, I have a feeling it will, and that everything will work out, for Nicholas, and for us... Happy new year"Victor reached out and pulled her to him, and they kissed tenderly, savoring every moment of that kiss...
Suddenly the phone rang, Victor with a grunt sent a hand to pick it up "Hello, yes Miguel, yes she’s here"
Nikki took the phone from Victor and answered "What’s wrong Miguel?... Oh.... She did? Well what did you tell her?...Tell me something Miguel, did she look like she was out tonight? She did? Was she out with Cole? Are you sure? Oh, that’s good... Yea, look if she asks for me again tell her you don’t know where I am, okay? Thank you for calling"
She put the phone down and looked at Victor "Victoria was looking for me..."
Victor said "Oh, well what did he say to her?"
Nikki replied "That he doesn’t know where I am, he didn’t, he just guessed I was here..."
Victor asked "What did he say about Cole?"
Nikki answered with a smile "They went out tonight, together, I’m so glad, maybe it means they made up"
Victor sighed "I hope you’re right"
Nikki looked around the room and said to Victor "Well, I think I better go home..."
Victor looked at her with disappointment "Can’t you stay?"
Nikki said "I’m afraid Victoria would come looking for me again, she will get worried if I won’t be
home, I didn’t tell her I was going anywhere...And you look like you can use the rest"Victor looked at her and said "Well, if you have to go..."
Nikki said with a reassuring smile "I will see you in the morning"
Victor nodded and said "I will drop by the ranch before going to see Amy..." He shuddered "I have to tell you I dread what tomorrow might bring"
Nikki buried her face in his neck as he put a hand over her hair, smoothing it...
At last she rose up and wiped away the tears and said to Victor "Get some rest..."
Victor smiled "I promise" They kissed lightly and she grabbed her jacket and headed out the door, looking back at him as he left....
The moment Nikki was gone he looked around the lonely apartment and leaned back against the couch with a sigh, he couldn’t go to sleep, not now, it wasn’t that he wasn’t tired, he was, but he was haunted the night before with images of Nicholas never getting out of jail, and Amy telling him she was there that day but left too early to see anything... he tried to shake the images away but they kept coming back, even when he was awake, and it was even worse when he fell asleep.
He grabbed a file that was lying on the table and opened it and occupied himself with reading the printed words but not really reading them just sort of gazing in the print, he was so deep in thought he didn’t notice Nikki came back to the room to take her purse which she left behind and found him sitting there, instead of up in his room...
She crossed her arms around her and said "I*thought* you said you were going to get some rest..."
Victor turned sharply "I *thought* you left"
Nikki commented "Evidently..."
She sank next to him on the couch "I don’t understand you, you’re going to need all your strength and be as clear minded as you possibly can, and instead of going up to get some sleep you’re sitting here staring at a report..." she looked at him, confused.
Victor got up and walked away, a bit annoyed, he had no intentions of telling her about his apprehension of going to sleep, he was usually very capable from disconnecting the problems of his work or personal life when it was time to go to sleep, he simply didn’t think of it.
The one time he found It difficult to do was when she was going through her back surgery, it was the same kind of helplessness, of feeling nothing you can do.Nikki felt he was struggling with something as he didn’t say anything and didn’t look at her and walked to him and he turned to her and he said "I just don’t feel like resting, I got a lot on my mind and you shouldn’t be so over protective"
Nikki frowned at him "Oh, like you are of me?"
Victor said frustrated "Don’t start"
Nikki, even more frustrated said "Why don’t you want to tell me?"
Victor threw back "Darling, would you just let it go? And weren’t you concerned about Victoria
worrying about you just a minute ago?"Nikki, hands on her hips said "Oh, first you wanted me to stay and now you’re so anxious to get rid of me? Why, so you can go back and spend another sleepless night? Well, you’re not getting rid of me so easily"
She went to the couch, sat on it defiantly and looked at him with an expression of determination on her face.
Victor couldn’t help but start laughing at the expression on her face, Nikki half yelled "What?!"
Victor chuckled as he shook his head "You have got to be the most stubborn woman I know"
Nikki’s anger did not subside "And you have got to be the most stubborn man *I* know! Why won’t you just tell me what the problem is?"
Victor took a deep breath and said "Okay, if you must know..." he moved uncomfortably in his place "I can’t stop thinking about what might happen if we won’t be able to free Nicholas, and the thoughts about that are haunting me even in my sleep, that’s way I rather stay awake, I can stay more focused on the hope and the possibilities rather on what happens if we fail, if I fail..." he looked up at her for a moment and asked "Is that what you wanted to know?"
Nikki plainly answered "Yes"
Victor rolled his eyes "Why?"
Nikki, seated on the couch looked at him and said with a note of tenderness in her voice "Because I want to know what you’re going through, and by the life of me I can’t understand why you didn’t tell me, especailly since you know the same thing happened to me"
Victor answered "Because it would have gotten you all worried about me too, and I want you to take care of yourself, and need I remind you, that when you had nightmares I found that out through Miguel"
Nikki said "Victor that was totally different, we were still very confused then and unsure of what was going on between us, I’d like to think we’ve made some progress since"
Victor said softly "I agree...I just didn’t want to get you worried about me, you would have insisted on staying and I know secrecy is still important to you, so you can’t stay away all night long"
Nikki looked him and asked "Is that it? You want me to stay?"
Victor said to her "You know I do, but I know you don’t want Victoria to find out yet"
Nikki said "I can stay for a little while longer... " She gave him a smile "Until you’ve fallen asleep..."
Victor snorted "What? You’re going to sing me a lullaby now?"
Nikki rolled her eyes and reached out to him to sit next to her, which he did "Darling, the idea is to
make you fall asleep, not make you deaf..." Victor smiled at her and kissed her lightly on the lips and
said "I can think of one thing that would make me sleepy"Nikki glared at him but said with a seductive smile "I bet...but that’s not quite what I had in mind..."
She paused thoughtfully and then said "Put your head on me..."
Victor said "Sweetheart there is no way I could ever fall asleep like that" Nikki insisted "Just try.."
Victor said with a smile "With my head in your lap the last thing I’ll be able to do is sleep"
Nikki looked at him and said "I think you’re tired enough to sleep just about anywhere" and reached out her arms to him, Victor looking at her for a moment... nothing seemed more inviting to him than to put his head in her lap and relax, and somehow he had a feeling nightmares would not come to him that way, so after looking at her for a few moments, he lied down on the sofa and leaned his head on her thighs, she was warm and soft and his eyes closed almost instantly.
Nikki’s hands started playing with his hair, sending shivers of delight down his spine...her hand playing with the hair at the base of his neck, she asked him "So, are you feeling sleepy?"
Victor answered, opening his eyes "Sleepy, maybe, but I will never fall asleep" Nikki said with a smile "Well, we’ll see" and rested her hand over his eye lids which closed again.
She said, wanting to distract him and herself from the bad thoughts "I really wanted to come last night"
Victor answered, his eyes closed "So did I..."
He slowly felt the heavy fog of sleep falling over his exhausted body as he didn’t even try to fight it..."Nikki?"
He said slowly... Nikki answered "What?..."
Victor said, half asleep "Nothing in the world meant more to me then you staying just now, I love you"
It took Nikki a few moments to register what he just said and looked down at him "Oh Victor..."
She paused mid sentence as she realized from the pace of his breathing he had fallen asleep, she tried to call out his name "Victor?"
She looked at him with almost teary frustration "You can't say this to me and fall asleep!"
She bent down and kissed him on the lips.
Nikki took advantage of that moment to watch the love of her life asleep, she hadn’t had the chance to do that... in... oh god, ever since they got divorced, they had made love a few times in between but she never got the chance to watch him asleep as they never spent a full night together...
She traced his features with her finger tips, his dark brown hair that only in the last few years started showing signs of gray, his eyes that looked so tired now, and had more lines on them then she remembered. his wide shoulders...
He looked so calm and peaceful, she sat there, just looking at him and caressing his face for 10 more minutes and then looked at her watch, it was getting late, no matter how much she didn’t want to, she had to go.
She moved a little to see if Victor would wake up, he didn’t even stir...She reached out for a nearby pillow, held up his head and slowly and carefully got up from the couch, placing the pillow beneath him, She was amazed he didn’t wake up.
She went to the guest room and got a blanket and put on him, and then sat on the floor next to him and whispered to him "Oh Victor, we have to make it work this time...we have to... because I don’t think that I could bear losing you again... oh god.." a tear rolled on her cheek "I love you so much..." She almost wished he would wake up to hear her confession but he didn’t....
She planted another kiss on his lips, straightened the blanket and got up... she sent a look toward the phone and fax machine and with a slight smile disconnected them, took her purse and bag and left....
The Next morning at 9 AM Victor slowly woke up as the sun from the windows rested on his face, waking him up.
He stirred and blinked and set down on the sofa, for a moment not realizing what had happened, until he remembered the night before... and smiled, he *had* fallen asleep, and it was a blissful, dreamless sleep.
He looked at his watch, it was 9 AM... he didn’t understand it as he stood up slowly, he gets a wake up call every moment at 6:30.... that was, of course, until his look fell on the phone and realized it was disconnected , he shook his head, she was impossible as ever, and he had to go and see her, He already missed her.
He headed upstairs to get dressed....
30 minutes later, in her drive way, Nikki was about to head to Victor’s apartment, she thought he hadn’t woke up yet and wanted to wake him up, if she could... and wish him good morning.
She stepped out to her car and got in, pulled out her keys and started her car, getting the gear into reverse, She pulled out of the drive way fast.As the ranch drive way was always abandoned she didn’t bother looking at the side mirror and didn’t notice the car - a very familiar Rolls.... until a few moments before it was too late.
She screamed in horror and pressed the brakes, but it was, indeed, too late and both cars collided forcefully....
