* Drunk fans who toss Hostess Ding Dongs towards the net.
* Players at parties who want to turn mask upside down and fill it up with bean dip.
* Pads give appearance that they have really big butts.
* T-shirts that say, "Goaltenders do it with their glove hand".
* Every day, for the rest of their life, they will not have a good reason for dropping anything ever again.
* Frostbite caused by leg split.
* When trainer replaces normal water in bottle with sparkling Folger's Crystals.
* Goal judges at away games who constantly make wisecracks about "burning out the goal lamp".
* When jealous back-up goalie follows them around in locker room screaming, "Hey, glove THIS, pal!!!".
* Smart-Asses that toss beach balls at the net.
* Letting those beach balls in.
Jealous back-up's that hide your cup, causing "puck castration".
* Always annoying death threats from opposition upon stopping a 2-1.
* Always annoying death threats from teammates upon letting in a 2-1.
* Always annoying death threats from fans upon stepping onto ice.
* Paternity suits from the mother of the uniroyal man.
* Being a top-rated NHL goalie, being traded to a cold Canadian city, not getting the money you deserve, and having to play in Las Vegas (Curtis Joseph only).
* The opposite sex just doesn't understand why you have to wear a mask to bed.
* When you flip the ref the bird behind the blocker, they can't even tell.