Jonathan walks softly in the night down the gravel road, his feet crunching the stones beneath them with every step. Ruby walks silently besides him, her expression dark and solemn.

They had been walking for 30 minutes and hardly said a word and now as the lights of the house filled the air, they both stopped and stared at each other.

Ruby looks at Jonathan. “You want to go in?”

Jonathan looks at the house, his brown eyes almost as frozen as his mothers. How does he face his mother knowing that he is responsible for the death of the man she loved? Helena killed Lucky. Jonathan knows it with every instinct inside of him. She killed Lucky because of him. It was all about him. The scars on his mothers back. The years spent on the run, hiding out. Stephanies grandparents. The detective getting shot. Even Ruby having to kill Katherine Bell to save Michael. It could all be traced back to Helena Cassadine and her obsession with him. She had killed the dog that had been his only friend and constant companion for six years. Now she had killed the only father he had ever known .

His mother must hate him. And he couldn’t blame her. Not one bit. If he could change places with Lucky, if that could have been him on that damned launch he would have done it.

What was he suppose to tell the baby when it was born? I love you but I killed your father and chances are if you stay in my life she’ll kill you too.

He’d spent the last three weeks plotting against Helena and figuring out how to run away from Wyndemere. Maybe it was time to do just that. Run away. Without him in the picture maybe his mother and this baby would be happy. His mother had given up everything and everyone to keep him safe. Could he do any less to keep her safe? He swore softly. He would be gone tonight if it wasn’t for her illness. It just made everything so damned complicated.

“Jonathan? Are you ready to go in?”

Ruby’s question brings him back to the present and he shakes his head.

“Not yet. But you go ahead. It’s getting cold out here and you’re parents need you.”

Ruby nodded, but hesitated. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” He lies. She knows he’s lying but she nods and goes in anyway.

Once she’s gone, Jonathan makes his way to the side of the house and sits on an overturned log.

He remembers the day that he and Lucky came up here to check the house out when his mom was still in the hospital. They had both fallen in love with it immediately. The quietness of the location. The naturalness of the setting. They had walked around the grounds planning all the different things they would do to the house. A basketball hoop over the garage. A play structure on the side for the baby. No tree houses, after the adventure in El Paso Jonathan had developed a dislike for tree houses. They had talked about the possibility of snow in the winter and Lucky had even agreed to consider buying snowmobiles for them to use.

They had both seen the house immediately as their home. A place where the four of them could be a family. And they had been. For a few days.

“He was a good man,” A smooth and soft voice sounded from behind him. Jonathan sighed. He had known that Cassadine had insisted on following him and Ruby on their walk, but he was hoping that he would follow Ruby into the house.

“He was my brother. I loved him.” Nikolas continued.

“Is that why you took his son away from him?” Jonathan asks harshly. “Is that how the Cassadine’s express love? You’ll forgive me if I prefer to focus on the Quartermaine side of my genetic make up, won’t you?”

Nikolas sighs. His own grief at losing his brother is almost overwhelming in its intensity. How much harder must it be for this boy who had idolized Lucky? What bad timing. He had never meant any of this to happen. All he had wanted was to get to know his son. He couldn’t go in there and face Laura or the Quartermaines or Luke and certainly he couldn’t face Emily. Not now. They all blamed him. They wouldn’t say so maybe, but he knew they were thinking it. He knew Jonathan was thinking it. If he hadn’t taken custody of Jonathan, Lucky would never have been on that launch. None of this would have been happening.

The worst part was that he deserved to feel guilty. He hadn’t believed her. Emily had stood in front of him almost in this same position on a night just like this and had tried to explain to him why she had run. Why she had kept his son’s existence from him. She had tried to tell him of the threat his grandmother posed.

And he hadn’t really believed her.

Now he did. Launches didn’t blow themselves up. Helena was behind this. She had killed his brother like she had killed his father. It could have been Emily on that launch with Lucky . Or it could have been Jonathan. Or God help him Stephanie. His grandmother had planted a bomb that could have killed anyone in his family.

No wonder Emily had been scared. No wonder she had run. God, what if she hadn’t? Could he have protected her and Jonathan if she had come to him thirteen years ago? Or would Jonathan have been raised as a pawn by his grandmother? Would Emily have taken his mother’s place on that god forsaken island?

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I loved Lucky too, you know. He was my brother.”

“You keep saying that like it forgives what you did. It doesn’t.”

“What did I do that was so horrible? You are my son and I just wanted the chance to know you, to get to know you and for you to get to know me.”

Jonathan looks at Nikolas. “The fact that you got my mom pregnant doesn’t make you my father. Lucky was my father. He taught me to fish and to surf and to ride a bike and...”

“And how to break into computer systems, how to follow someone without getting caught, how to forge a passport, and how to love someone unconditionally.” Nikolas finishes softly. He almost smiles at Jonathan’s stunned expression. “I told you. He was my brother.” Nikolas sits on the log next to Jonathan. “When we met, we hated each other. I was this arrogant overbearing stranger (he ignores Jonathan’s grumbling) and Lucky was the ultimate Spencer. We’d been taught to hate each other, although to be fair Lucky didn’t even know of my existence until we met. He’d just been taught to hate Cassadines. But we each had something the other wanted and it drove us crazy and made us enemies. Your aunt Lulu, she’s at college although I imagine she’s coming home now, she was very sick as a young child. She needed a transplant to live. Your father, he adored his little sister. He wanted desperately to save her and it broke his heart when he couldn’t. Then it tore him apart when I showed up and I could because I was a match. He hated the fact that his mother had lied to him but I think he hated me more for being able to save Lulu when he couldn’t. Plus, like I said I was arrogant and overbearing. I wasn’t particularly nice to him.”

Jonathan is silent for a moment. “Why did you hate him?”

Do you want to know the truth?” Jonathan nods and Nikolas continues. “In my mind, Lucky had everything I wanted. A home. A mother. A father. Family. Friends. I don’t know how much family history you know, but your grandmother Laura left me when I was a baby. I know now that she had no choice, but growing up all I ever thought was that she left me for them. She chose them over me. Somehow I wasn’t good enough for her and she left me. She never left Lucky or Lulu or even Ruby. But she left me and that hurt for a long, long time. When I met Lucky, all I could see was the son my mother chose to stay with and it made me angry.”

“What changed?”

Nikolas smiles. “Your mother. She was my friend and she was his best friend and she didn’t want to choose between us. She wouldn’t choose between us. So we learned to tolerate each other from a distance. Then when your mom was in trouble, we worked together to help her. We learned to trust each other. Your mom can be pretty stubborn when she puts her mind to something. I don’t think Lucky or I stood a chance of being enemies after she was determined that we would become friends.”

“My mom can be pretty stubborn,” Jonathan agrees. “Lucky used to say it was her stubbornness that kept her alive after Helena........” Jonathan swallows hard.

“Lucky really loved your mother, didn’t he?” Nikolas asks, switching the conversation to neutral ground. Thrilled that the boy was finally, finally opening up to him.

“Yeah. Sometimes it could be embarrassing. There was this time when we were shopping at this store in New Orleans and they just kind of looked at each other and then they started kissing and they didn’t care about all the people staring at them and....” Jonathan shrugged. “They were like that. They lit up a room when they were together. They loved each other. They loved me. We are were a family.” He looks at Nikolas. “Why did you have to take me away?”

“You are my son. It was the right thing to do.” Nikolas shifts uncomfortably, not able to meet his son’s eyes. After a moment, he does. There is no accusation in them, only pain.

“You hurt me. You hurt my dad. Your hurt my mom. You took me from them when my mom needed me to help her get well. And that was the right thing to do? My dad said you were a good guy. He said you were nothing like Helena. But what you did, I think that’s a lot like something Helena would do.”

“Jonathan, I never meant to hurt anyone. I know you must blame me for what happened to Lucky but...”

“Blame you? I don’t blame you. Helena didn’t kill Lucky because of you. She did it because of me. Just because of me. Just like she tortured my mom. Just like she killed Diablo. Just like.....” Jonathan pauses and looks up at Nikolas. “ I’m your son, do you know why I hate that fact? It’s not because I hate you. I don’t really like you very much, but I don’t hate you. But being your son makes me her great grand son doesn’t it. How do I go in there and face my mother when it’s my great grandmother who killed the the man she loved. If it wasn’t for me......”

“I wouldn’t have known the moments in my life that have given me the greatest joy.” Emily’s voice breaks into the conversation as she and Maxie approach. “I’m not sorry you were born, how could I be? I love you so very much Jonathan.”

“But it’s my fault he’s dead...” Jonathan whispers brokenly. “Emily kneels in front of her son and quietly takes him into her arms. “It’s not your fault. It’s not my fault. It’s not Nikolas’s fault.” Her eyes meet Nikolas’s above Jonathan’s head. “The only one who is to blame for any of this is Helena Cassadine. No one else. Okay? Just Helena.”

Emily smiles at her son. “Lucky loved you. He loved you so much. I think we both need to hold on to that thought and to try to do what Lucky would have wanted us to do. Be strong and be there for each other and for this baby.”

“I love you mom,” Jonathan cries softly against her shoulder. “Please let me stay. Don’t make me go back to Wyndemere.” Emily looks at Nikolas. “You’re not going anywhere ever again. You and I are sticking together from this point. I need your help around here.” Emily brushes the hair back from Jonathan’s face. “Who’s going to help me decorate the nursery?”

Jonathan made a face. “Good thing I’m going to be home before you stick the poor kid with some terrible color like mustard yellow.”

“What’s wrong with mustard yellow?”

“Mom, you didn’t.....” Jonathan rolled his eyes and then hesitated. “What about the judge? The courts?”

“I don’t think the courts or the judge will be a problem, do you Nikolas?”

“No.” Nikolas says softly. “I don’t see any problem.” He hesitates. “But maybe I can come visit you here? Bring Stephanie. Or you and your mom could come and see Stephanie and I at Wyndemere once in a while.”

Emily nods, her eyes blurring with tears. “I think that can be arranged.” She turns to her son. “Come on, there are a lot of people in there who want to see you.”

Jonathan quietly follows his mother back into the house.

There is silence for a moment outside.

“I think that was a beautiful thing you did,” Maxie says quietly as she moves to sit next to Nikolas. “Letting Jonathan stay here with his mother.”

“Something in the look on Emily’s face told me I had no choice.” Nikolas smiles. “But he belongs here with his mother for now.” He turns to Maxie. “Did you hear what he said? He doesn’t hate me. He doesn’t like me very much, but I can work on that.”

Maxie smiles. “It’s a beginning.”

“Yeah,” Nikolas sighs. “But the price is too high. It’s only been a few hours and the thought of being without him hurts so much.”

“He was your brother. You loved him.”

Nikolas shakes his head. “Jonathan was right. I hurt him. The last thing I ever said to him was some horrible remark that I had no right to make. None at all. He died believing that I hated him and he probably hated me too.”

“Maybe a little,” Maxie concedes. “There are times my sister Georgie makes me so mad that I think I hate her too. But I don’t. Not really. Because whatever she does, she’s always my sister and that’s a bond that kind of goes beyond liking or hating or even loving. Family just are. Always. Lucky knew that. He knew that regardless of everything, the two of you were brothers.” Maxie pauses. “I think he’d kind of be glad that you are here for Jonathan now.”

“I hope you are right.” Nikolas says softly. He turns to Maxie. “I need to get out of here and I don’t want to be alone. You want to come with me. We could go for a long drive, find some place to eat, just sit and talk. Please. I could really use the company. Stephanie’s at Wyndemere with her governess.”

Maxie hesitates and looks over at the house, she can almost imagine Jason’s eyes on her. She looks back at Nikolas. Maybe the first step in getting over Jason Morgan was getting closer to Nikolas Cassadine. She nods. “Just let me go tell Mac.”

Up in the house, Jason lets the curtain fall and steps back from the night.

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes


So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes


Sometime in the early morning

Emily stands in the doorway of her son’s room and watches him sleep. She pulls the robe closer around her as the loneliness penetrates. Monica and Alan had offered to have them at the mansion, Laura had suggested they come to stay with the Spencers. Emily had declined both offers. She and Jonathan would stay here in their home. Where they belonged.

Closing the door softly, she walks across the hall into the empty nursery. She turns on the light and stops, her breath catching in her throat as she covers her mouth with her hand.

The wall where earlier today she had put splotches of color and sat in frustration trying to pick one, was done. She touches the wall gently. The deep emerald green is a perfect choice she thinks to herself, it seems to bring the forest in from the outdoors. It’s a perfect match with the soft cream of the other three walls. She looks at Liz’s picture sitting in the corner and realizes that the green is also the perfect background color for it.

He must have done it while she was sleeping, before Nikolas called. When he was supposed to be working on his computer stuff for Jax, he had been in here, finishing this wall for her.

She closed her eyes as the tears overwhelmed her. She sank to her knees on the canvas tarp. How could she face a life that didn’t include him? How could she? She loved him so much. Had she told him that often enough?

She had been so sure earlier that he was still alive. What if she was wrong? What would she do if she was wrong?

She can’t control the quiet sobs as she sits on the floor and looks up atone of the last acts of love Lucky did for her.

A moment later two arms went around her and held her close, as mother and son mourned together the man who had meant the world to each of them.

Somewhere down the Port Charles River

A still figure lying on the riverbank stirs long enough to whisper one word and then falls back into unconsciousness, as the name Emily echoes in the silent air.
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes