DISCLAIMER: The Young Riders is the creation of Ed Spielman, and the property of Ogiens/Kane productions in association with MGM/UA television. This Story is created for entertainment purposes only, no infringement intended. Not to be copied without permission from the author.
Buck opened his mouth to tell her several times, not knowing how to form the words to tell her that he was losing his mind. It didn't matter how many times he tried he just couldn't tell her, he couldn't hurt her that way.
Lou could feel the rapid beating of his heart and knew that he was struggling with something, she could feel his breath on her hair as he started to talk to her several times and knew that something was bothering.
Something that he thought he couldn't tell her. Something that he thought would upset her.
She pulled out of his arms and sat up, lifting his hand to her lips she kissed his knuckles and then held his hand in both of hers knowing that she needed to know what was troubling him so badly, even if it hurt her, even if it broke her heart she had to know what was causing him so much pain.
"Buck, what is it?" she asked him softly "what is troubling you?" she looked deep into his eyes trying to understand what concerned him.
"Lou I nearly died" he spoke softly his eyes cloudy with memories of the event
"I know Buck, but you didn't you are here" she spoke thinking that his own mortality had been what upset him
"You don't understand me Lou" he spoke struggling to sit up. Lou helped him to move until he was propped upright against a mountain of pillows.
He had been laying down for so long that the rush of blood to his head when he sat up caused his head to spin, shaking his head to clear the light-headedness he felt as he took her hand in his again. "I know that because I could see it Lou"
She frowned confused by his words, "But how?" she murmured "I don't know Lou" he spoke softly "I think I may be going crazy" he paused unsure how to continue.
Lou cupped his face in her hands "You're the sanest person I know Buck," she murmured "do you want to tell me about it?" she questioned him "Maybe I can help?" She spoke softly.
He looked into her velvet eyes and knew in his heart that if anyone could understand him and what he knew he had seen, it was the loving, compassionate woman at his side.
"I could see everything Lou, I could see you crying in Bills arms, I could see how much you were upset, I could see tears on Bills face. Doc Barnes was trying to stop my chest bleeding" he paused closing his eyes as the pain of what he was about to say hit him "I was with Jenny Lou" he spoke and opened his eyes to look into her tears knowing that he was ripping her soul out with his words but she had to know. "It all came back to me Lou, I'm so sorry, I love you Lou, you know I love you but I realised when I saw her how much I missed her, how much I had loved her, how much I needed her" his tears overflowed "I'm sorry Lou, I didn't have the strength to turn away from her. I loved her so much. I was happy to be back in her arms, to feel her lips on mine. God it was like coming home, I didn't want to ever leave her again"
"You're here Buck" she murmured her tears wet on her face "You must have left her" Lou tried to understand what he was telling her, cut to her very soul that he would have left her and her unborn baby behind. She could not blame him, if she had been given the same choice he had, she was not sure that she would be able to leave her beloved Kid.
He shook his head almost wildly "No Lou I didn't leave her, she and Kid sent me back" he stated flatly and looked deeply into her eyes
"You saw Kid?" she murmured her eyes softening as she spoke of her first love
"He told me to tell you he loves you, and he is waiting for you" he spoke watching the love and tenderness he saw in her eyes knowing that he could never have kept this from her, not if this little piece of news brought such joy to her soul.
"He also wished us a long and happy life together" he spoke softly knowing that Kid's blessing meant everything to Lou.
They sat in silence for what seemed the longest time, neither really aware of the passage of time, both lost in the thoughts of what they had lost and what they had gained. Their hands gently stroked the other; almost absently content to just have the others touch for the time being. Eventually Lou sank tonelessly against him, curling her arms around his waist and melting against his body, needing to reaffirm her feelings for the loving, tender man in her arms.
"I don't think you are crazy Buck" she murmured against his chest trying to reassure him that she believed everything he had said to her "They would want us to be happy Buck" she tilted her head back to kiss him gently "I want us to be happy Buck" she settled back against his chest "I want us to grow old together and raise more babies. Make this ranch something Kid and Jenny would have been proud of." she spoke softly placing his hand on her belly "First you have to get well and help me raise this one"
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