Suicide.
NOT AN OPTION.
Hospital.
NOT AN OPTION.
Burning.
NOT AN OPTION.
I know I am getting better each time I add a word, a weight, a burden to the list. The "Not an Option" list It means that I am winning, that there is one less thing threatening to destroy me from within. A triumph of hope over despair.
Sometimes I wonder if the time will come when I won't need the list at all. When my heart is so far removed from these things that I will not need a mental note to remind me that they are not a solution. I would like to be so free.
But I would hate to forget. Where would it leave me, if the path I had taken were forgotten? How would it be to arrive at the destination, and have no story to share of the journey?
I cling to the memories. The darkest of them I hold tightest of all. They taught me to be strong.