Delicate art of submission

Submission. There are some of us out there that want nothing more then the ability to give ourselves to that One and to serve in love. It’s intoxicating, exhilarating, exciting, erotic, and the list goes on. It fills that part within that so very few can reach or even see. In some ways, it completes us. But in other ways, it tears down right into the very core or our being and brings about chaos and disorder. All that laid dormant comes up screaming. Under the right Guide, this stage simply becomes a learning ground, where you grow and develop as a person and as a submissive within a D/s relationship. Make no mistake, the “right Guide” is so very important.

The initial submission is very sweet and pretty. The hard part starts later and often, if there is any work to be done, that’s when it comes up to the surface. What you do with it is all is up to you and yours, and what you do can also make or break the relationship. There are endless opportunities and options and of course, it’s all up to you which you will exercise and where you will take it.

There are very deep emotions that a submissive may go through as she gives more of herself to her Dominant. It is very important that the Dominant is aware of this and once such situation is identified, works closely with His submissive. I use terms “she” and “He” for simplicity’s sake. Of course, D/s relationship is pansexual. Whatever works for you and yours. And herein lies the first obstacle.

There may be times when a submissive comes under scrutiny to defend her choice in a Dominant. While her loyalty is to Him, it is not to say that the pressure and urge to justify is absolutely overwhelming. Both parties need to work on that, demonstrating strength as a couple and devotion to one another. It is not OK for the Dominant to push the submissive to take a stand while she’s struggling. It is not OK for the submissive to sit back and expect the Dominant to deal with it all either. The Dominant, as the submissive, are both under a microscope and there are always tons of “those” people that somehow, for some reason, knowing nothing about either, all of the sudden KNOW what is right or wrong. If you’re ever confronted with such situation, walk away fast and work with your partner. Stay and listen and you’ll be allowing doubt and insecurity in. It is a carcinogen, corrosion of a cohesive process that is absolutely imperative to survival and growth of a relationship. Don’t ever let anyone tell you who to be with or without. It is your choice and in taking a stand on that, you take a stand for yourself.

Another area where the submissive may encounter struggle is the fine line between being self-sufficient and independent, and yet, submissive and compliant with her Dominant. The guilt is terrible, as the submissive may at times feel torn as if she’s going against all that she learned and built over the years. She may feel she’s loosing herself and who she is to the unknown. She finds herself relying on blind faith, trust, and the love of her partner. She may also rebel and try to pull away to show that she can stand on her own. I can’t stress enough how important it is that the Dominant stands by her at that crucial time. Not over her, not behind her, but next to her in love and support. This may not be the best time to dominate, however, it is a good time to lead while stressing that she is safe, she is loved, and that her feelings are valid and acknowledged. Amazing things flow if that is done properly, patiently, and with care.

To the submissives of the world, there is no greater antigen to love, then self-deprecation. We all have love within, so much of it. It’s like a virus that lies dormant until the right person comes along and acts as a trigger, a catalyst, awaking the love within. But, before you even think of giving it to someone else, become infected and love yourself. That will be the most important part of your submission and your relationship. Don’t run off to please anyone just to be pleasing, stand your ground, stand for you, believe in yourself by accepting who you are and what you’re all about. You cannot give someone something that is not yours. Therefore, own yourself first. Only then can you fully share, and appreciate that part of you. And only then will you be able to find, and give yourself, to that right One, not a day sooner or later.