D/s gifts

So you found your special someone and now want to give the "gift" of your submission. But what does it mean? Do you wrap it up and put a bow (or intricately tied rope) on top? Do you expect a gift back? And I'm not referring to an elaborate scene, although those ones are always nice.

Although I've explored the world of submission, I still consider myself a student and by no means experienced. For the longest time, I felt there was a “dark” side to me (for lack of better word), however, even when I got into the BDSM scene, I still didn’t fully realize what it was exactly. As a matter of fact, the first insight into the Lifestyle sent me out of the room screaming. So there was no huge homecoming for me. It was a shock to my system and my social programming. Everything that I knew and did up to that point was challenged, for many reasons.

The first hurdle was discovering one’s role, be it Dominant or submissive. Second challenge, and a difficult one at that, was accepting oneself and the chosen path. There are many things in life that shape us as individuals. Some made a conscious choice to be who they are, and some of us simply are who we are.

The idea of a “gift” can mean different things to different people. My definition is that it’s something very special, just for you, given with thought, consideration and most importantly, free will. It’s a way to show what that someone means to me and is a symbol of my love, respect, trust and affection. And those are just some of the qualities that make a gift what it is, rare and unique.

While I realize that there are different forms of submission and Domination, I believe that often, simply being able to find a match is a gift in itself. There is so much written about the “gift”, however, I found most of the stuff to be a bit too generalized and to a certain degree, negative. Too often they speak of why one shouldn’t give, and not often enough about why one should give. To me, personally, submission has little to do with sex but is icing on the cake so to speak. *grins* And to be perfectly honest, my submission is not a gift I’d give without expectations. So while it’s given of free will, it’s not exactly free but an exchange.

My gift is opening my soul to that special someone and being completely open and honest. It is in serving to my best abilities, and always improving. It’s pleasing and learning about the Dominant and letting him learn about me. It’s about sharing my thoughts, ideas, joy, laughter, tears, fears, and insecurities. It’s about not feeling guilty or afraid and with his help, letting go of the emotional baggage and any hang-ups. My gift is giving my heart, body, and soul. My gift is also giving him the ability to express himself as a Dominant, to be what and who he is in every way. And in that lies his gift to me.

I would say trust, however, for me trust is already established before I offer my submission, therefore a must rather then a preference. Trust must be present before I even consider that person as a potential Dom. Respect is also a must, on both sides. I don't mean just in a D/s way where you smile politely and bow your head and use titles. I'm talking about a much deeper level. Respect for views and limitations, for choices, circumstances, and all those things that shape you as an individual. There can be no exchange if any of those is missing. None.

When all of that is said and done, in exchange, a gift to me is domination, loyalty, devotion, forgiveness and understanding, acceptance of who I am, as I am. The gift to me is being able to turn to him for guidance, support and advice when I’m lost. His gift is protection, care, knowledge, wisdom and ability to help me communicate when I can’t find the right words. It’s that soft touch, a smile, a look, or a caress. It’s the choice of skill and tools used to bring me to the edge. It’s freedom when I can let go of my fears or maybe guilt or shame and apprehensions. It’s all those little things that mean a lot, and all that is unspoken - yet speaks volumes. The gift is to challenge me by encouraging me to become more then I ever thought I could be, to push myself above and beyond, gladly and willingly, safely. His happiness, pride, and pleasure are my gifts and rewards.