Physical Discipline

The key to healthy social interaction at childcare/school begins at home. Therefore, how you treat your children at home determines how they will behave in public.[1]

· Have overly high expectations (lack of understanding of how child is able to act/behave at their age)

· Have been physically disciplined themselves as a child and therefore the only form of discipline that they are familiar with.

· When nothing seems to work and your child loses control, give them space to collect themselves.

· Stand between them and the rest of the world - but at a safe distance. Don't try to move them.

· Don't confront them. To keep them from feeling trapped, stand sideways, compose your face, and don't look them in the eye.

· When they're calm, talk to them quietly. Help them to name their feelings ("You were pretty angry") and to distinguish between feelings and actions ("It's okay to feel angry, but it's not okay to throw chairs"). Let them know that you love them, and help them to think about how they can solve the problem next time.

The research evidence now available permits us to move beyond the debate about whether physical punishment is harmful to children and youth or is even effective as discipline.

· Few parents believe that physical punishment is effective; most believe it is unnecessary and harmful, and a majority thinks the most common outcome is parental guilt or regret.

· There is strong evidence that physical punishment places children at risk for:

· There is no clear evidence of any benefit from the use of physical punishment on children.

· Parents are more likely to use physical punishment if they approve of it, experienced it themselves as children, feel anger in response to their children’s behaviour, are subject to depression, or are burdened by particular forms of stress.

Positive parenting and alternative forms of discipline reinforce the values you want your child to learn, without physical punishments.

Positive discipline gives children the structure they need to take control and become responsible for their behaviour.

Parents need to provide structure in order to parent effectively. Steven McCracken, family support worker at The Children's Aid Society of Toronto, is part of a team that helps families do that. "Problems occur when there's no clear structure, no consistency in discipline," he says, "Children feel safe and secure when they know what to expect from their parents." If parents are consistent, children understand that no means no, not maybe.

McCracken's team also helps parents manage behaviour instead of emotions. Parents need to be able to put away their feelings of frustration or upset and address the behaviour that's causing all those emotions in the first place.

Although structure and routine is key, balance is also important. Parents shouldn't be too rigid or too flexible. If it's your child's birthday and she's grounded, you should waive her punishment for the day and resume the grounding the next day. And as with anything related to parenting, you must look at a child's development, to see if they may have an emotional or learning disorder that explains the challenging behaviour.

Something as simple as positive language can go a long way toward setting boundaries. Don't focus on the negative. "Parents must set targets, give positive feedback and always redirect the negative behaviour into positive reinforcement," says McCracken. Try saying yes, instead of starting each answer with no. If your child wants ice cream before dinner, say 'yes, you may have ice cream after dinner.

Positive discipline is reasonable in nature. If physical punishment results in injuries like bruises, burns, head injuries or fractures, it is not reasonable discipline, and it's unacceptable. "If a parent hits a child with an object, they are losing control," says Carolyn Ussher, Telephone Intake Supervisor at CAS of Toronto, "At that point, it's difficult to gauge how hard you're hitting, and you may hurt your child severely." Physical injuries caused by a parent or caregivers may be considered abuse under the Child and Family Services Act in Ontario and require a children's aid society investigation.

Physical abuse is any deliberate physical force or action (usually by a parent or caregiver) that results, or could result, in injury to a child. It can include punching, slapping, beating, shaking, burning, biting or throwing a child. It's stronger than what's considered reasonable discipline.

They believe that physical punishment is an unsuitable means of discipline because children should be free from all forms of violence. The law, however, presently allows parents to use "reasonable force" to discipline children.

· Many forms of physical punishment that were acceptable in the past are no longer permitted, such as tying or locking children up.

· Any form of physical discipline that requires medical attention, or results in bruising, welts or broken skin, is not considered reasonable discipline. Using belts, electrical cords or other objects to discipline a child can cause serious harm as well.

· Physical discipline of babies is unacceptable. Handling babies roughly - whether in anger or playfulness - is extremely dangerous. Shaking can cause serious injury, including brain damage, blindness and even death.

References

[1] Elaine Lowe

[2] Lowe, E. 2004 “Hitting Hurts: A Parent’s Guide to Positive Discipline” Article in The ECE Exchange, (Winter Ed.). AECEO, Toronto Branch