Role Modeling
Tips
What to avoid
Modeling Listening Skills
Modeling Emotions
Clear Expectations
Setting Rules
Seven strategies that parents can follow
Role Modeling
Role models come in all shapes and sizes; they do all kinds of job; they come from any country or city. Some children view athletes as their role models; other children look up to authors or scientists. And, believe it or not, many children see their parents as role models.
Children learn as much, if not more from their parents’ actions as they do from the parents’ words.
Parents should model their own behaviors to provide a consistent, positive example for their child.
Parents might want to be the kind of role model who does the following:
Do as you say and say as you do: children want to act like their role models, not just talk like them .children learns as much, if not more from their parents’ actions as they do from their words. Don’t just tell your child not to shout at you; don’t shout at your child or at others. This kind of consistency helps your child form reliable patterns of the relationship between attitudes and actions.
Show respect for other people, including your child: for many children the word respect is hard to understand. It’s not something they can touch or feel, but it’s still a very important concept. To help your child learn about respect, you may want to point out when you are being respectful. For instance, when your child starts to pick out his or her own clothes, you can show respect for those choices. Tell your child, “that wouldn’t have been my choice, but I respect your decisions to wear that plaid shirt with those striped pants.
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Find things that you wouldn’t want your child’s role model to do, and make sure you aren’t doing them.
For example, suppose your child views a sports player as his or her role model. If you found out that player used illegal drugs or was verbally or physically abusive to others, would you still want your child to look up to that person? Probably not. Now apply that same standard to your own actions. If you don’t want your child to smoke, then you should not smoke. If you want your child to be on time for school, make sure you are on time for work and other meetings. If you don’t want your child to use curse words, then don’t use those words in front of your child. Reviewing your own conduct means being honest with yourself, about yourself. You may need to make some changes in how you act, but both you and your child will benefit in the end.
Model good listening behaviour:
Parents can model good listening behaviour for their children and advise them on ways to listen as an active learner, pick out highlights of a conversation, and ask relevant questions. Sometimes it helps to "show" children that an active listener is one who looks the speaker in the eye and is willing to turn the television off to make sure that the listener is not distracted by outside interference.
Modeling Expression of Emotions:
Be honest with your child about how you are feeling:
Adults get confused about emotions all the time, so it’s no surprise that children might get confused, too. For instance, you might have a short temper after a really stressful day at work, but your child might think you are angry with him or her. If you find yourself acting differently than you usually do, explain to your child that he or she isn’t to blame for your change in “typical” behavior; your child can even help you by lightening your mood or altering your attitude. You can prevent a lot of hurt feelings and confusion by being honest with your child about your own emotions.
Make sure your child knows that being angry does not mean, “Not loving.”
Disagreements and arguments are a normal part of most relationships. But many children can’t separate love from anger; they assume that if you yell at them, then you don’t love them anymore. Even if you think your child has a solid grasp of emotions, you may want to be specific about this point. Otherwise, you run the risk of having your child think he or she is not loved every time you have a disagreement. Most of all be alert to changes in your child’s emotions so you can “coach” your child through moments of anger or sadness without brushing-off the emotion or ignoring it.
Clear Expectations
“As preschoolers misbehave or step beyond their limits, guide them to take responsibility for their behavior” [1]
There is in fact an almost universal belief that parents and teachers should be consistent in their application and implementation of rules. This has been called” putting up a united front”. This belief is based on the idea that, if adults have differing styles and opinions regarding behavior, children will perceive this as weakness and” divide and conquer”.
(Guiding Young Children, p. 185)
How can adults help preschoolers following the rules?
Adults can maintain children’s interest in rules by making very few rules but making sure that children know and respect the rules that are given. Rules always mean more to children if they played an active role in developing them and in deciding on logical consequences that should be enforced when the rules are broken.
(Positive Child Guidance, p. 63)
Seven strategies that parents can follow to help them with their preschoolers:
1. Decide where to set the limits and make sure your child understands them.
2. Draw her/his attention to the results of her/his behavior when the child breaks the rules. Talk about how much it hurts, for example, when she hits another child, or how much work it creates for you when she makes a mess.
3. Reject the child’s behaviors, but not the child.
4. Confirm and respect her/his feelings: tell him/ her that you understand that he/she is angry because you were busy with his/ her sister and you did not pay attention to what he/she wants to say .in this way, you help the child express the anger, show that you understand her/ jealousy, and prove that you do not envy her/his those feelings.
5. Suggest another behavior. For example instead of hitting another child, he/ she should kick a ball or pillow or a punching bag.
6. Allow the child to become involved in the solution by offering two good alternate behaviors and letting her/him choose the one she will do.
7. Avoid delayed "discussions" of what went wrong and why it happened.
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