The Thong Skit
Setting: Vitaleny and Matty are sitting on the brick wall in front of the school. Vitaleny’s looking at the sky, Matty’s looking at her front toes.
Vitaleny: You’re brother’re really cute.
Matty: Didn’t care last time you told me, don’t care now.
Vitaleny: He is thought! The way he does his magic thingie, the swish of his tail, it is sooo hot!
Matty: {rolls her eyes} Why does everybody have a crush on Mistoffelees? Why not someone else, like Munkustrap? No, we all have to like Matty’s big brother… And if it’s not him it’s his twin brother, or Alonzo or Mezoa or Boxer…
Vitaleny: Good God child, how many brothers do you have?
Matty: {hesitates and thinks, counting to herself} Six.
Vitaleny: Whoa…
Matty: Ya know, you don’t know the real Misto.
Vitaleny: What?
Matty: I mean, you only know the cute, magic-making tuxedo boy he is at school.
Vitaleny: What the hell are you talking about?
Matty: I mean, I see the bickering, knowitall, I-never-have-enough-mousse-on-my-fur Misto.
Vitaleny: That’s not what Misto’s like.
Matty: You haven’t seen nothin’ till you seen him in the morning.
Vitaleny: I think I’d like that.
Matty: Not if you had to sleep on the same bunk wit him.
Vitaleny: I’d REALLY like that.
Matty: {hits Vitaleny upside the head} You are a true dingaling.
Vitaleny: I know. {grins}
{sit in silence for a minute or two, when Pouncival comes and climbs up on the wall at the end, next to Matty}
Pouncival: Hello ladies.
Matty: Could you not call me that?, please and thank-you.
Vitaleny: Hello Pouncival.
Pouncival: {grins} Guys, you gotta see what happened to Misto…
Vitaleny: Oh my gosh, what did you do to him? Pouncival, I’ll kill you if you did something to him! I will! Don’t think for a minute that I won’t!
Pouncival: {puts one paw forward and shakes head with a broad grin} I didn’t do nothin’ to ‘im. He’s just dressed very… uniquely today.
Matty: That’s horrible!!!
Pouncival: What’s wrong with being dressed uniquely?
Matty: Cats don’t get dressed at all, that’s what!
Vitaleny: I demand to see him! Where is he?
Pouncival: In my basement, cowering from the shadows of all Jellicles, drowning in embarrassment.
Vitaleny: Well then what are we waiting for? Let’s go! {grabs Pouncival’s and Matty’s paws and runs towards Pouncival’s house, and crawl through the window to his basement}
{Misto is nowhere to be seen}
Matty: Well, he’s not here, guess we can GO now…
Vitaleny: No, I must see what Pouncival has done to my sweet Mistoffelees.
Travie: {enters} Hey guys!
Matty: Yo Travs, whatcha up to?
Pouncival: I told her too.
Trav: But he wouldn’t tell what he did to my sweet Mistoffelees.
Vitaleny: YOUR sweet Mistoffelees? What are you talking about! He’s MINE!
Trav: He most certainly is not! We been dating for over a year now!
Vitaleny: Well, he really likes me… {growls lowly}
Pouncival {has disappeared behind the couch, and his voice is heard, muffled}
Come on, Misto… We got guests.
Misto: {muffled from behind the couch, still cannot be seen} I can’t.
Pouncival: But we have to lovely ladies waiting for you and one eager beaver to see you… in your… NEW outfit.
Misto: I cannot believe you’re doing this to me. I can’t let Vitaleny and Trav see me like this…
{Matty is digging in a pile for a camera}
Misto: … and Matty prolly has a camera, ready to catch this all on tape…
Matty: {pokes her head out of the pile} Not yet!
{Trav and Vitaleny are still fighting over who Misto likes more, whether it’s his girlfriend, Travie, or his secret crush, Vitaleny}
Pouncival: Okay, he’s gonna come out, I think…
Vitaleny: Don’t worry, Misto, we won’t laugh.
Matty: {pops out with a video camera} Sure we will…
Trav: {elbows her}
Matty: Or not..
Trav: Come on Misto… gimme a hug…
{All the cats wait anxiously, Trav and Vitaleny fixed seriously to see Misto, and Matty with a big grin holding up and video camera, Pouncival urging Misto to come out from behind the couch}
Matty: Pounce, I think something’ peekin’!
{little by little Misto crawls out and stands up—he is wearing nothing but his black bowtie and a pink thong!—imagine this!}
{Vitaleny and Travie, who are holding their arms out for a hug, start laughing and fall all over the floor laughing. Matty is laughing hysterically trying to hold the camera up, and Pouncival is on both feet, laughing his fool head off}
Misto: {looks hurt} You said you wouldn’t laugh!
Trav: We didn’t know you were in pink underwear!
Vitaleny: Yeah!
Pouncival: {in between laughs} Besides… we’re not… laughing… at you… we’re.. laughing… with you.
Misto: I’m not laughing!
Vitaleny: Then you haven’t looked at yourself!
Misto: {looks in a full length mirror and still just glares at all of them, not even cracking a smile} It’s not funny!
Matty: If it wasn’t funny, we wouldn’t be laughing!
Travie: My question is… how did you manage to get in a pink thong?
Misto: {pouty} Pouncival MADE me do it.
Vitaleny: {teasingly} Aw, poor Mistoo-baby…
Misto: {suddenly, Misto takes off the pink thong and sticks on top Vitaleny’s head}
Vitaleny: {stops laughing} Hey, I can’t see!
{Everyone, including Misto, laugh harder and harder}
{since Vitaleny cannot get them to stop laughing, she starts laughing too, and falls over Pouncival’s foot, rolling around on the floor}
Trav: Heheh, too bad we didn’t have a camera right?
{everyone stops laughing}
Matty: Trav—we DO—have a camera.
Trav: Well then… how are we suppose to end this skit?
{everyone shrugs}
Trav: {sighs} Screw that… {walks off stage, THE END}
note: Vitaleny is a good friend of mine that you've probably heard of on RPGs around... her other name you might know her as is MistoffeleesKit. I'd like to give her a big thank you for letting me use her character in this skit, it was pretty fun using someone else who was in love with Mistoffelees in this one, and I don't think I could have made it as good as it is without her character. THANK YOU VITALENY!!!
