salina's story

She lies on her bed thinking of all the problems she has had in her life, all the heartache and longing. She wishes for someone to take care of her, someone that would love her and make her his. Someone she could tease and please, to do for them whatever they wished, not out of a sense of desperation, but one of need, the need to please someone that would appreciate her for herself.

She turns onto her stomach and sighs deeply, knowing that this can never happen to her, it just isn't in the scheme of things. Again she sighs, and lies her head down upon her pillow, then gently drifts off to sleep.

Suddenly she awakens and finds herself at her computer, in a chat room talking with old friends. She can't remember getting up and connecting, then going in there. She shakes her head, to try to clear it, and then answers the question of a guest in the room. She settles into the familiarity of the room. Comfortable with these people she calls friends.

A new guest arrives in the room and she does the usual checking on them and their whereabouts, seeing that they are also in another room that is not familiar to her. She decides that the name of the room is slightly questionable, so as is her duty she sets off to investigate the room by entering it.

She is greeted by the guest from her own room, and they begin to talk. He tells her of things that peak her interest. Things that, normally she would not have dreamed of doing on her computer, things that before now had seemed a bit silly and strange to her. But, something inside her cried out for more information. The time was running out for her to be on the computer, she had to go. She made a note of another room this guest told her about, intending to go to it the next evening and check it out.

A couple of days pass, she thinks of the room that she would like to go check out once in awhile, but the opportunity never arises. Finally, she is alone, so she goes to this room. It is full of people in authority and she is the only guest in the room. She greets those that greet her, then sits back to watch. It is quiet in the room, she sighs and thinks that this may have been a mistake, this is not the room that she was told about. Just as she is about to leave the room, another authority person arrives, and all begin to speak with him. She sits up and watches as this occurs.

The conversation is pretty mild, with a bit of teasing here and there, but for some reason she watches this person closely, not seeming to be able to take her eyes from the screen. He greets her and she responds, not really knowing what she said. Then he moves on to another in the room, and her heartbeat slows down, she not realizing it had quickened.

She again finds her time has run out, so she bids all good night, and leaves. Waiting first to see his response, getting a "sleep well dear" from him, she smiles and leaves for the evening.

The next night, as many nights after that, when she is not on duty in her own room, she returns again and again. Finally she see's that he is taken with another in there and her heart sinks just a bit. She had not realized how much she enjoyed coming in there to see him, not talking too much but observing him and those around him. There was something there that attracted her to him. But since he was with another, she gave up all hope, she would not interfere with that relationship, and she didn't think he knew she was alive anyway, so she just decided to not come in as often anymore.

A bit of time went on, she did not return to the room. But the pull of it was intense, she fought it often, until one really bad day, and she decided that she was going there for she needed to be just an invisible person. She was not in a mood to help others as was her duty in her room.

She arrived in the room to find that a game was occuring. One that she had never played, so she sat back to watch the happenings. She was watching some truths being done, and thought that this would be one way to get to know some of the people in there so decided to stay. She did not realize that she could be picked for something, and sure enough she was. She trembled as she sat at the keyboard and stared at her screen. One of the other people told someone to describe what he would do on a date with her. She sat up straight, wondering what she should do! But the nick made things easy for her and she only had to respond occaisionally, with a yes or no. He was very descriptive, and this impressed her immensely. He didn't take liberties with her unless she gave permission first, which, smiling to herself, she did, to her own surprise. This was the computer after all. She would never meet these people, so what the heck!

After this night, the draw to the room was intense. She still saw the one she was attracted to there, still watched his every word, still sighed with a what if. But she began to find some form of attraction, call it lust if you will, to another in the room. She and he began to get close. He seemed to have all the right answers for her. Seemed to know what to say and when. For a soul reaching out for love and affection, this was wonderful. They got closer and closer.

Time marched on, the holidays coming and going. Then one day she found herself put into the hospital. She nearly died from being beaten badly. Her world collapsed around her. She didn't know what to do, where to go, who to talk to. This was the worst she had been and she could no longer avoid the truth. She knew she had to leave, but to where? How?

When she returned home, her only source of outlet was her computer. She went back to the room. Not telling a soul what had happened, she had been keeping that from them in there. But she began to pour her heart out to the nick she had become close to. She then found out that this person was involved with another in the room, and that they actually lived together. This about destroyed her. She would never have taken up with him had she known, but he assured her that it was alright, that she knew and approved. She was very leary of this, not wanting to believe it, but yet hoping it was true.

Over time she became acquainted with his lover, and they began to talk more. They found they had alot in common and she began to trust them completely. When they found out what had happened to her in her past, they offered her a home to go to. Offered her a new life with them. She resisted for some time, but when something occured again, she made the decision to leave... to go to them.

Before she left for there, she attended a ceremony of the one she was still truly attracted to and his love. The ceremony was beautiful, and told the tale of their undying love. This brought tears to her eyes throughout, and she wished in her heart that it was her there instead. She shook this off, and made her plans. She had to move on with her life, he was not available to her by any means. And so she did.

She left the home she had always known, the state she had been born and raised in. Leaving her family, except her young daughter, behind. Moving onto a new future, hoping it would be better than her past. Hoping to someday feel the ice that had formed around her heart melt away, but not really expecting that it could. She arrived and began her life with the two lovers.

She learned alot of new things almost immediately upon her arrival, some bad but more good. A new world had opened up to her, it was not just on the computer, not just a fantasy to her anymore. It had become real. She formed an aliance with the woman, for they had so much in common. She found that the attraction she had had for the man was still there, but not as intense as it was across the wires. They all became great friends, and started to relax with each other.

It came to pass then that the man placed a collar upon her as his D/s submissive. Something that she had longed for for a time. A lifestyle that she had found herself immensely attracted to and wanting to explore. This was all new to her, but she was eager to embrace it and learn all she could. However, over some time it was not to be for her. Things did not work out with her Master as she had hoped. She was very unhappy in this part of their relationship. She figured it was just something that was to happen. That the things she truly wanted were to never be her's.

During this time she began to speak more with the man she had been attracted to all this time. They began to learn more about each other, to really speak with each other. She found a friend in him, one that listened to her when she was upset, gave her advice on things when she needed it, always there for her, never deserting her no matter what. She found herself becoming even more and more attracted to him, but ashamed of herself for feeling these things. He was taken. He was anothers Master, it was wrong of her to have these feelings. So she went on not saying anything to anyone of her feelings.

During one of the games, she happened to choose a truth. The nick that had to ask her something, asked her to tell a truth about her sexual life, that noone knew about. She thought about this for some time. She agonized over the answer, for she had only recently discovered her hidden desire, her bi-sexuality.

She finally decided that what the heck.. there was an attraction to another in the room, altho she was not there at the time, but she knew that somehow it would get back to her, so she admitted to it. She was so scared that everyone would shun her... look down on her for this. But to her surprise and delight, the did not, and she suddenly started finding out that this was common in there... that alot of them were also, she was welcome there... by one and all and noone looked down on her for it. She was so relaxed and happy as she found this out.

From then on it seemed that she had people talking to her all the time, not that they wanted anything sexually from her, but it seemed that once they knew her "secret", then they felt more comfortable with her and opened up to her more. She truly began to feel at home there.

About a week later, she was once again in the room for a game. So was the man she was attracted to and the woman she had been curious and feeling something for. During the course of the evening the turn fell on this man to ask a truth or dare of her. She decided, as she often did, to do a dare. That is when her world turned around and things began to fall into place. He dared her to make love to the woman she was attracted to also. She about died on the spot.... not knowing the woman was bi also and not knowing how she would react to this. She had nothing to fear... the woman was wonderful and helped her the whole way.

From then on the three of them.... yes the three of them for she was his submissive.... started becoming closer and talking more. She and the woman had been talking all along, had already become friends, but had not known about each other's bi-sexuality. So this was a wonder to her and she welcomed this with open arms. She still did not reveal her feelings for the man however, for she would not want to lose the woman's friendship, she was beginning to fall in love with her also.

This caused a bit of turmoil inside her. She was collared to a Master that let her do as she pleased pretty much and wasn't around all the time. She was unhappy with this arrangement but still cared alot for him. She didn't know what to do. She finally began asking them what they thought she should do. She had been exploring other channels in her quest for knowledge, but not getting a chance to do anything she had learned. She longed to do this. She longed to be a submissive.... to please someone that would appreciate it.... that wanted it... that expected it.

Finally she decided that she could no longer go on the way she had been. She had spoken with other Master's and there were some good prospects out there.... altho she knew the one she truly wanted... but knew he was taken. She went to her Master and asked to be released from his collar. Surprisingly, he did so with no problems. He agreed that this was something she wanted and that he was unable to do as she wanted. He was very understanding and wonderful about it.

She went back and told these two about it and they were truly happy for her and knew she would find a Master that could do as she desired. So more time went on.. she had previously found one that she desired to learn from, but since she was already collared, he felt that he would not ever have her, so had found another. She despaired over that one for a time. He was in agreement with her philosophy... they had talked an talked till she was sure that he was the one for her, and he admitted that he would like to collar her, but she had waited too long to ask to be released, and had therefor lost him.

She went back to searching and found that without a collar she was a target for many unsavory people out there. She was harassed and treated badly and was very unhappy. Her heart longed for a Master to please, to learn more from. She began to back off going to the rooms searching, almost giving up on the idea of ever finding one. She began to search through the Gorean ways, devouring all that she could find, loving it more and more, for it was more of what she had been looking for, longing for.

She spoke of this to the Master and His submissive. Asking questions, observing them together, feeling an ache deep inside her as her love for them both grew, unspoken.

One day, the submissive made the suggestion that she take the channel collar, then changed it to a protective collar from her Master. She sat there in shock that this should be offered. She was speechless as He also said that He would like to offer His collar to her. She could not think. She could not speak. She couldnt type a thing and they began to think she had left them.

She began to cry... tears of happiness and fear. How could they do this. Didn't the realize she loved them? NO, of course they didn't.... she never told them that. What was she to do?? What was she to say?? How could this work?? He belonged to the submissive... she loved them both.. how in the world could she do this and be sane?? How could she NOT do this and be happy?? All these thoughts went through her. She finally spoke and asked if she could think about it for a day or so. Of course they said yes.

So after some soul searching and lots of talking to the submissive, she finally decided that she would accept the collar and the teaching from the Master. She was so happy, she was so scared. But she knew this was something that she had longed for. To be close to them. To be able to learn from them. To finally get just a bit of the caring that she had longed for.

To her amazement, things progressed quickly and very well. The feelings that she had were eventually known. She found that the feelings were also returned. She was so happy. She felt that she was finally "home".

Suddenly, she started, and woke up. Groggy and disoriented. She began to cry.... it was only a dream... only a dream...

Then she looked around.... no.... it couldn't have been. This was not her home in Michigan. This was the room she had been in in her dream. She jumped up and ran to her computer and connected. She had to know. She had to find out if she was dreaming all of it.

She connected and with trepidation she pulled up the chat program. Taking a deep breath, she clicked on the window that would tell her her nick she was using the last time she was online.

She exclaimed with delight!! It was salina{Ex-t}!!! It was the nick with her Master and sister's initials in her collar!! She had not been dreaming at all.... it was TRUE!!!

this girl has found the love and companionship she has always longed for in her Master, Excalibur and her sister, tashina..... she would never be lonely again...........

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