An Interview with Ryan

Recently, I had the opportunity to sit down with Ryan and have a heart-to-heart chat. As we talked, Ryan devoured bowl after bowl of corn nuts (I don't see why he weighs 100 lbs.). I was willing to overlook this annoying habit for the sake of the interview. Here it is, in full. Enjoy!

(This interview is clearly not real, but some people may not understand that, so I have to put up this notice.)

ME: Hello Ryan.

RYAN: Dude, what's your name?

ME: I'll tell you later.

RYAN: Later? But I can't wait that long!

ME: Sure you can. Let's start this, please.

RYAN: Alright. Do I have to get naked?

ME: NO, please don't! So, tell me, who exactly is Ryan Shuck?

RYAN: Ummm, I'm Ryan Shuck.

ME: I know. That was a cue to describe yourself.

RYAN: Oh, dude, OK! So, like, he's the best guitar player in the world!

ME: Who influenced you?

RYAN: I was tired of being in the gifted programs at school and being the teacher's pet, so, like, I, uhhhh, became a rebel. Guitar players are rebels, you know.

ME: Interesting.

RYAN: Really?! You think so?!

ME: Ummm, sure.

RYAN: How do you like my hair?

ME: I liked it better blonde.

RYAN: Dude, really? Guess how many ounces of peroxide I used?

ME: How many?

RYAN: It was....uhhh...(stops to count fingers)....a lot!

ME: How do you stay sane on the road?

RYAN: I'm not sane.

ME: Oh yeah. Allow me to rephrase the question. How do you take off the stress of being on the road?

RYAN (in a sing-song voice): Beerbeerbeerbeerbeerbeerbeerbeerbeer.....

ME: Do you play video games?

RYAN: Uhhh, video games turn your brain into mush.

.....Silence.....

ME: So does that mean you play them?

RYAN: Huh huh huh, you're funny!

ME: So, I hear you like beer.

RYAN: I do! Dude, how did you know that?!

ME: Look at the time! I really must be going.

RYAN: Are you one of those psychic chicks? Radical!

ME: Sure. For fifty bucks, I'll give you your future.

RYAN: No way, dude. The future is all a conspiracy. I saw it on the "X-Files."

ME: Oh yes, it's definately time to go home.

RYAN: I like the gas the dentist gives you before you have teeth surgery.

ME: That's lovely. Until next time!



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Ryan is boring me, I'd like to go BACK!