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Avoiding the Major Causes of Friction

This is a portion of a chapter in the book "Assembling a Leader" by Mrs Beverly Hyles

I asked my husband what situations caused the most trouble in the marriages of people he has counseled through the years. The following are the four areas he mentioned, and they are given in the order of the frequency with which they occur.

1. Finances are the leading source of controversy. Even the secular world has concluded that finances are probably the greatest cause of divorce and trouble in marriages. As a wife, you need to learn to live frugally and to handle money wisely. "She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness." (Proverbs 31:27)

2. The second area of conflict revolves around the physical relationship between marriage partners. I don't believe it's necessary to elaborate except to say that you ought to be a warm, loving woman even when you don't feel like it. "Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." (I Corinthians 7:5)

3. The third source of friction comes because of in-laws. Problems in this area actually cause divorce. It's very important taht you realize you can love no matter what. don't let in-laws come between you and your spouse. "But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife: And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." (Mark 10:6-9)

4. The fourth cause of problems is disagreement over the discipline of your children. When it seems to you that your husband is being too hard on the children, it is usually best to bite your tongue and say nothing (assuming there is no physical abuse involved). There are bound to be times when he doesn't agree with your methods either. The contention usually occurs when the wife attempts to defend the children in the midst of the father's correction. Allow each other the freedom to discipline without fear of presenting a divided front to your children because of disagreement over disciplinary methods. "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." (Proverbs 14:1)

There doesn't have to be fussing and controversy in our homes. We should study God's Word to determine how we are to behave in our homes. The Bible says a whole lot more to the wives about the home than it does to the husbands. The Bible tells the husbands to love their wives. However there are many places in Proverbs where wives are addressed. Wives set the atmosphere in the home and therefore have the most responsibility for avoiding a home so full of contention that neither spouse can be effective in the ministry. You can't help others when you have a guilty conscience because you just had a big fight with your husband. Following God's plan can make all the difference.