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The Wonderful Wit of Samuel Clemens

(a.k.a. Mark Twain 1835-1910)

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."

"Honesty is the best policy-when there is money in it."

"I am different from Washington; I have a higher, grander standard of principle. Washington could not lie. I can lie, but I won't."

"Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

"I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -- you see, I have friends in both places."

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

"Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand."

"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them."

"There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice."

"To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble."

"Truth is stranger than Fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't."

"Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it."

"We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read."

"When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people."

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