"Yeah," Pacey begins slowly. "It's your birthday. In a couple of minutes, you're gonna be 16. Congratulations, man. This is a major turning point." But instead of embracing this milestone, Dawson is even more agitated by Pacey's words. "I am lost as a species on this planet," he announces dramatically.
"Oh, this is gonna be bad," Pacey mutters under his breath, as Dawson begins a soliloquy of self-pity. "I'm still the same whiny, adolescent, big-talking, little-doing loser that I was a year ago!" Pacey interjects that Dawson's statement isn't true, but Dawson bulldozes over it ... the boy's on a roll.
"It's absolutely true!" he cries. "Every single person I know is growing up and moving on. Joey is busy finding herself ... you've got that stable, do-gooder boyfriend thing going on ... Jen ... well, Jen's not moving forward but at least she's moving! Even my parents are starting new lives! But me, I'm in the exact same place I was one year ago at this time!"
Pacey tries to reason with him. "It's a good thing ... you're getting older!" But no, Dawson doesn't want to hear him. "There's nothing ahead of me! I'm stagnant!" he shouts. "No wonder Joey dumped me! The only thing I accomplished last year was realizing my feelings for her, and I couldn't even hold on to them! She dumped me for a gay guy!"
There's no getting a word in, so Pacey resigns himself to being the sounding board for the rest of Dawson's rant. Dawson's in fine form, giving Andie a run for her money in the hyperactivity and histrionics departments. "And can we talk about that whole gay-man, straight-woman thing?" he continues a la Jerry-Seinfeld-meets-Joan-Rivers. "There's gotta be something going on there that we're not seeing!"
"You're right," Pacey deadpans. "It's all part of the evil gay plan to keep the species from repopulating." "Huh, I'd keep a close eye on Andie if I were you," Dawson replies. Pacey doesn't seem to be too concerned, though. "Come on, Dawson, you need to stop looking to the movies for all of life's questions. What you need to do is to figure out what you want and make it happen," he tells Dawson, sounding like Tony Robbins, motivational guru extraordinaire. "Be definitive," Pacey urges.
Something in Dr. Witter's little speech obviously made an impression in Dawson's grey matter, because he gets down off his soapbox long enough to consider Pacey's words. "You're right. I need definitive answers." For a moment, Pacey is relieved to see he's talked some sense and reason into him, but Dawson's next words blow that little theory right out of the water.
"Joey is the answer. I had her, I lost her, and now I'm gonna get her back! How's that for definitive!" Triumphantly, Dawson leaves his room, slamming the door behind him, and leaving a dazed and confused Pacey in his wake.
Lord only knows where Dawson spent the hours between midnight and sunrise, but he's home in time for a morning meal, which, surprise, surprise, Mitch is busily cooking in the Leery family kitchen. Gale is just as shocked as the rest of us to see her estranged husband merrily working away at the stove first thing in the morning. "You remember my tradition of cooking Dawson breakfast on his birthday," Mitch reminds her. She does, of course, it's just ...
Before she can finish her thought, however, the birthday boy himself bounds into the room, clearly thrilled to see his father putting the finishing touches on his meal. "You didn't expect me to forget?" Mitch smiles, putting a plate in front of his son with a flourish. "The usual for our regular customer."
Dawson is pleased, and comments how nice it is to have a bit of tradition on this, of all mornings. "Speaking of which," Mitch chimes in, "I have to talk to your mom in private for a sec ... birthday present stuff. Highly classified," he grins. He and Gale leave the room while Dawson happily begins his breakfast.
On the porch, Mitch tells his wife that though he knows they haven't discussed it in light of the events of the past year, they usually do give Dawson a joint birthday present. Gale interjects bluntly at that point that Mitch is a little late, and she's already bought Dawson his present. His first car. An Explorer. (Note to Gale: Wanna adopt me??)
Mitch is a bit taken aback by her actions. "That's a big decision, Gale ... it should have been made together." She snorts at his words, and replies that Mitch hasn't been involved in any decisions in their household at all lately, like paying the bills for example (which isn't really a decision, I mean, they have to be paid, right? No choice in the matter).
Mitch agrees he should contribute more often, and tells her he's put his restaurant plans on the back burner and looked into substitute teaching at Dawson's high school. (Oh God, every kid's worst nightmare ...) He concludes by vowing to help out more, but sticks to his belief that a new car is a "pretty extravagant" birthday gift.
At the Icehouse, Pacey and Joey (!!) are actually talking to each other, for about the second time all season long. Granted, it's about Dawson, but eh, it's a start. "Okay," Pacey begins. "I invite Dawson out to dinner with Andie and me, and we keep him occupied 'til about 9 o'clock, at which time we make a lame ass excuse as to why we have to make it an early night, and drive back to his place, where ...."
"... I'll have set up the most fabulous surprise party ever. I hope," Joey finishes. Pacey insists the party will be fantastic. "A testimonial to true friendship," he reassures her. "The party to end all parties. From here on in, the Leery house will be known as Delta House of Capeside," Pacey smiles.
"I don't know why I'm so nervous," Joey confesses. "I've never organized a party before." Just then, Jack enters the room and there is an uncomfortable pause. He goes about his business silently and leaves shortly. Pacey seizes the opportunity to ask Joey how she's doing with the whole Jack thing, now that she's had time to process it.
"God," Joey sighs in exasperation. "Everyone keeps asking me that in these solemn, serious tones, like I've come down with a terminal disease or something! The fact is, Jack is the one that's going through something. At first, obviously, it was a shock, but I'm fine, really." And with that she walks away, before Pacey has the chance to question her any further about it.
Jack, meanwhile, has left Pacey and Joey and gone out onto the Icehouse's patio, where Abby and a small group of fellow witches ... er, bitches ... er, friends have gathered for lunch. He explains that lunch won't be available for another 10 minutes and shoves some menus in their general direction.
Unfortunately, his attempt at inconspicuousness is blown to smithereens by one of Abby's cronies. "Aren't you that guy?" the blonde dimwit gushes. "What?" Jack asks in genuine ignorance. "That guy ... the first guy to ever come out of the closet at Capeside High!" she continues.
"In the flesh," Abby purrs, as if he's some sort of celebrity. "Tracy ... Kelly, this is Jack McPhee, Capeside's no longer ambiguous resident." The other blonde dimwit begins to babble about how great it is that Jack came out and he's only 16: "I totally watched Ellen through that whole tumultuous year, and she didn't even come out 'til she was, like, 40! You are the first actual gay person I have ever met!" (How very ... nice for her. What a novelty. How quaint ... rolling eyes)
Abby tells Jack his sexual preference is "such a waste, actually, cause you're a total babe." He replies he'd take it as a compliment "if it wasn't coming from Satan!" Abby's mock-offended by his comparison. "I am not even one of his *helpers!"* she insists. "Then I should compliment you on that clever disguise you've been wearing the past couple of months," Jack snaps. In self-defense, Abby insists while it's true she may have been bad in the past, some people can surprise you. "You should know a little bit about that yourself," Abby notes.
Cut to Andie, who is enduring a chat with her therapist. "It sounds like you've had a lot on your shoulders for a 16-year-old girl," the woman says sympathetically. (so she and Jack are twins then. Huh. Wasn't sure about that ... it was alluded to on the Internet, but no one ever said it on the show) "Yeah, well ... after Tim died and my mom ... you know ... I felt like there needed to be someone to be the glue to hold the family together, and I guess I was the most likely candidate," Andie confesses.
Her therapist agrees it's no big surprise that Andie began to feel overwhelmed. "I felt like I was juggling all these balls in the air at once, and if I dropped one they'd all come crashing down, and I'd get these panic attacks where I felt like my heart was racing and I couldn't breathe --"
Now it's the therapist's turn to be overwhelmed, at Andie's verbal deluge. "Tell me something," she interrupts. "Forget about saving your family for a minute. What do you want for yourself? What do you wish for?" Andie sighs. "I wish I could get rid of all my worries, and be one of these people who just sails through life and do what they want to do, what makes them happy, who don't care about what other people think."
The therapist doesn't seem to think Andie's wants are that far-fetched. "I'm going to give you a prescription," she announces, "but it's not a drug. I prescribe for you ... one night of imperfection." Andie ponders her words seriously, as if she (and we the audience, too) is reminded of the old adage this episode is named for: Be Careful What You Wish For.
Back at the Icehouse, Bessie lets Joey go early so she can get changed before going to Dawson's. "Believe me, it's not gonna take me long to get dressed," Joey sighs. "It's not like I have to get gussied up for anybody, seeing as I turned Jack off women completely," she sighs miserably.
"Now Joey, you know that's not true," her sister chides. "Yeah, I know," Joey sighs. "Intellectually, I know it has nothing to do with me. It's ... Bessie ... what am I supposed to do now?" she asks, almost in tears.
"You paint," Bessie replies with a smile. "You concentrate on your art and your self. You broke up with Dawson because you wanted to find yourself, then you went right into a relationship with Jack! Maybe this is your chance to set out to do what you said you were going to do. Any woman would feel like this under the circumstances. I think you're handling it with an amazing level of maturity."
Joey smiles gratefully and thanks her sister for saying exactly what she needed to hear. At this point, Dawson interrupts the little soeur-a-soeur bonding session and tells Joey he really needs to talk to her. Bessie and Joey exchange a mildly concerned look, and Joey follows Dawson outside.
At the Ryans', Jen and Ty are busily wrapping presents for the party. "Add arts and crafts to your list of talents," Jen laughs, as Ty puts the finishing touches on another gift. His back is to her, but he tells her he can "feel" her watching me. "You think you're crafty," he teases, "but I know. I can feel your eyes on me." "You cannot," Jen giggles. "Sometimes ... can't you?" he asks. "I dunno," she smiles. "I've never really tried."
Ty tells her to close her eyes. "Can you feel me looking at you?" he asks. "No, not yet," she tells him. "Now?" he asks again, moving much closer to her. "No," she smiles. "Now?" he asks a third time, brushing his lips against hers. "I was peeking," Jen giggles. They kiss again, but Ty pulls away abruptly after a few seconds. "Whoa .. uh. Warning. Kitchen. Grams." He turns away, as Jen touches her lips and looks puzzled.
Dawson and Joey are walking along the Capeside docks, talking about the weather (always a safe topic when there's other stormy issues to be discussed). "It's freezing," Joey complains. "I wish it would snow already! Remember what we always did when we were kids?" "Make a wish on the first snowfall?" Dawson smiles. "It always used to come true, too," Joey nods. "Except for the time we wished for a horse, a trampoline and one million dollars all in the same year, what can I say, that was just greedy," she laughs.
Dawson won't be deterred by her lightheartedness, though, he has a Serious Issue he wants to Discuss. "Snow is so ... hopeful," he begins (hopefully). "Yeah," Joey agrees. "Hope is good. So ... what are you hoping for?" she asks with a innocent smile. (Again ... Be Careful What You Wish (Hope) For ...) "I'm hoping we can get back to the way we were," Dawson states. "Me too," Joey nods. "And I've been really trying to get our friendship back on track --"
I'm not talking about just a friendship," Dawson interrupts bluntly. "I can't deny what I want, which is, plainly and simply, more. I want you back. I was so confused last night and then I realized the only thing that makes sense to me is you. I know it's still there because I felt it during the whole Jack saga, and I know that you feel it too. We're soulmates, Joey. You and I were meant to be, period. The end. Cue happy ending music."
"No," Joey begins, agitated. "Look, Dawson, do you remember why we broke up in the first place? It wasn't about you at all, it certainly wasn't about Jack ... it was about me. How I had things I needed to figure out." "Yeah, and you could figure them out with Jack but not with me," he says, a note of bitterness creeping into his voice.
"We can't talk about this," Joey shakes her head. "You know why we can't talk about this ..." "If you and I are not meant to be ..." Dawson begins, thinking desperately for words which elude him, "... then I don't know anything. I wouldn't count on snow today." He storms off in a huff.
Fast forward several hours, where Joey, Bessie and Gale are in the Leery kitchen, preparing for the party. "I can't believe I'm doing a surprise party for someone who hates me right now," Joey sighs. "Relax, everything will work out," Bessie soothes her. "Dawson's out with Pacey right now."
"I have always wanted to sit in the back seat of a cop car," Andie announces to Pacey, who is driving said cop car, and Dawson, who is riding shotgun. "Hey! I know! Let's turn on the sirens!" Pacey, who no doubt has "borrowed" the cruiser from his father, is more than a little fearful of attracting unwanted attention, needless to say. "I don't think that's the best idea, sweetie," he laughs uneasily.
Andie's still playing a solo version of cops and robbers in the back seat, though. "Book 'em, Dan-o!" she booms in her best Hawaii Five-O voice. "So this is what it's like when they cart you off to prison, huh?" Dawson, still brooding from his failed wish-fulfillment with Joey, notes that it depends, because there is more than one kind of prison. "There's the community ones, and then there is the one you're trapped in when your life is going nowhere and everyone else is moving forward," he pouts.
"Took a happiness pill this morning, did we?" Pacey mutters under his breath. "No," Dawson snaps. "Just a dose of bleak reality. I mean, no offense, but do you notice my only birthday plans are playing third wheel to my best friend and his girlfriend?"
"Okay, listen buddy," Pacey sighs. "On any other day of the year, I'd be more than happy to talk to you about this, but seeing as today is your birthday, why not just try and concentrate on --" "STOP THE CAR!!" Andie hollers. "Why?! What's wrong?!" Pacey shouts, alarmed. "Nothing," Andie replies with a sweet smile. "I just saw a really cool place back there, and --"
Poor Pacey. His work is really cut out for him, not only does he have to try and cheer his best friend up, he has to try and calm his girlfriend down. "Okay. Andie? Could we please keep this impulsive streak that you're indulging in tonight from killing everyone else in the car? Please, honey?" She smiles at him sweetly again. "Doctor's orders," she sing-songs. "Remember Pacey? Remember? You promised I could cut loose tonight!" "Yes I did, didn't I?" Pacey chuckles in an oh-my-God-I've-created-a-monster tone.
With "Freak of the Week" appropriately playing in the background, Jack McPhee is smoothing his newly-flipped up bangs in the window on the Leerys' porch, gearing up for his big night out ... or first night Out, depending on how you look at it. As he walks in the house, who else should be perched by the front hall, scouting the door for prospective victims and fresh meat but one Ms. Abby Morgan herself and her two henchwomen, Cruella and Medusa.
"Jack, you look amazing, one of the blonde bimbos coos. "Wow," Abby marvels. "It's like the transformation from John Boy to John-John was all in a jar of Dippity-Do!" Jack tries to fob it off as no big deal, just a little bit of gel. (he does look much improved, though!) "Hmph," Abby begs to differ. "Guess you get gay, you get style ... I wish I'd nabbed you one sexual preference ago."
Jen is at the party too, her back to the hallway. Ty appears there and walks up to her, standing behind her, waiting. "Ty ... hello," she smiles without turning around. "Excellent, you're learning," he smiles. "Uh-huh," Jen agrees happily and they kiss, but then he pulls away again after a moment. "Okay. Explain," Jen demands. "What?" Ty asks innocently. "First this morning, then right now ... that's two kisses you've bailed out on," Jen laments.
"I know, it's just that ... we've been getting closer," Ty confesses. "I know, it's called dating," Jen replies in frustration. "I realize that, but when does it stop?" Ty questions softly. Jen cannot believe her ears. "You're kidding, right?" "Jen," Ty sighs, "You turn me on, and the closer we get, the more you turn me on ..." "Is that such a bad thing?" Jen asks, hurt.
They discuss it for a moment, and you can't help but smile at Ty's naivete and confusion -- you get the feeling that he kinda, sorta wants to ... he's just scared and conflicted. His mind and soul are at odds, not only with themselves but with each other. Jen notes that they've barely made out, and yet Ty's already worried about things getting out of hand. "It's sweet, in a very 1956 sort-of way," Jen teases. "Oh yeah? How 1956 is this?" he smiles at her and moves in for a very un-Norman Rockwell smooch.
Meanwhile, Pacey, Andie and Dawson are situated at a bad blues club (I'm not entirely sure if it's the same club from weeks past or not. And what is it with this show and blues clubs lately? Find me one 15-year-old, let alone a whole group of them, who even know who Ella Fitzgerald and Otis Redding are, let alone think their music is cool enough to want to hang out in a blues bar all night).
Andie takes her coat off to reveal a spaghetti-strap red dress, her hair all curled and make-up done ... the whole 100 yards). "Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?" Pacey marvels at Andie's metamorphosis appreciatively. "She's been here all along," Andie grins. "She's just been trapped beneath the bondage of Gap clothing and a good-girl complex."
Pacey reminds her that the latter is part of her charm, but she's quick to refute it isn't all of it. Andie reminds him her therapist said she has to have fun. "I have to let my id out to breathe some fresh air for the evening," she explains.
Not being well versed in psychology, the guys ask her what exactly it is she's planning on letting out. "What Freud calls an id," Andie tells them. "It's the part of you that holds your purest impulses and desires. It doesn't judge or care what anyone thinks, it just wants what it wants. It's letting go of preconceived notions of how you're supposed to talk and behave and just letting loose."
Dawson likes that idea, enough to think he could learn a thing or two from ole Sigmund. Alas, he notes, he's sitting in a bar drinking straight Coke. What's a boy to do? Fearless Andie volunteers to do it with him. "It might be good for both of us to get a little wild tonight!" Slightly worried, Pacey asks the dynamic duo to try not to get too wild while he goes to the washroom.
In his absence, the waitress approaches the table. Andie takes this opportunity for some classic Carpe Diem. (go watch Dead Poets Society if you don't get that one) When the waitress takes their order, Andie complains she could barely taste the rum in her last drink, and asks if the bartender could put a little more in it this time around. Dawson concurs, and the apologetic waitress whisks away their straight Cokes, vowing the bartender will double up the shots for the next round.
Back at Dawson's party, Abby is trying all her feminine wiles on a poor, unsuspecting Jack. "So how does it feel to be the one who set this little hamlet on its ears?" she asks coyly. "Look, why do you keep talking to me?" Jack asks back, almost anguished. "Idon't like you, Abby."
"Well, that's the point," Abby laughs. "No one likes me. I'm an outcast. Welcome to the club." She sighs, then continues in a slow, soothing voice. "This whole gay thing is so ridiculous. There's no such thing as gay, anyway. It's just this label people came up with to persecute the normal inclination to go both ways."
Jack is clearly taken aback by Abby's little speech. "What do you mean?" he stammers. "We're all bisexual, don't you think?" Abby shrugs, batting her eyes at Jack, whose own eyes are bugging out of his head. "We're all just sexual animals under God. This puritanical society would make you think our natural impulses are something to be ashamed of, when it's really those attitudes that are the embarrassment ... don't you think?"
Cut to the jazz dive where, if it is at all possible, the singer on stage is worse than the other one, at Ty's regular blues bar. (where do they get these people from?) Lounge lizards Dawson and Andie are oblivious to the tortured warblings which loosely pass as "music," and are knocking back the rum and Cokes like there is no tomorrow. Ever-astute, Pacey asks the pair how many Cokes they are gonna swill, but their answer is lost amid a little speech by the MC, who announces it's open-mike amateur night (huh ... no kidding ...) and asks if anyone is up for the challenge.
After ordering yet another round of rum and Cokes, Dawson gets the brilliant idea to try his luck on stage. "I know a little something about the blues," he muses with a twinkle in his eye. Inspired by the idea, Andie urges him to give in to his inner Ray Charles and try his hand at "sang-an' tha bluze."
Immediately, Pacey goes into panic mode. "I don't think that's the best idea, do you sweetheart?" he asks Andie in a polite panic. "Sure it is!" she replies with drunken enthusiasm, to which Pacey mutters "Hoo boy" under his breath. Without further ado, Dawson jumps up on stage, Andie in tow, and begins a drunken, rambling rendition of his very own interpretation of The Blues. Literally.
"I'm Dawson Leery, and I'm feelin' kinda weary
Today's my birthday ... and y'all look a little bleary!
The girl I care for left me and ran away
Into the arms of a guy who turned out to be gay!"
Behind him, Andie is playing an intense air-guitar solo worthy of B. B. King himself, while Pacey is glowering in the audience, completely not impressed. The rest of the crowd, however, bursts into cheers and appreciative whistles as Dawson launches into a chorus:
"I got the blues ... today I woke up feeling like I was born to lose ...
Yeah, I got the blues ... some days you were born to lose ..."
Andie's id is gasping for that aforementioned breath of fresh air at this point. After all, why should the audience only get to hear Dawson's musical tale of woe? She steps up to the mike as her partner in crime drunkenly slurs, "Iss my birffday, an' she's gonna sing a son'!" by way of introduction. Andie's lil' ditty goes a-sumthin' like this:
"My name is Andie, and my brother is the one who's gay
My other brother died ... and my daddy went away!
But I'm still Andie, and my boyfriend makes me randy
His name is Pacey, and my mom's completely crazy!"
"Sing it, sister!" Dawson howls, as Andie begins her chorus:
"I got the blues ... sometimes you swear you were born to lose ...
Ohhh, we got the blues ... now its time to put on my dancing shooooooes!"
(For that last bit, she sounds like she needs an exorcism to rid herself of whatever the hell demon took up residence in her body to get her voice to contort like that) "Whoo-hoo! All right!" Dawson pipes up, and grabs the mike away for a second verse:
"Now, I've been restless, hopeless and confused
While the girl I told you about, she's been on the move.
She's at my surprise party, where everyone I know is now.
When I show up late, they're gonna have a cow!"
In spite of himself, Pacey cracks a smile at the last two lines, while Dawson continues into the chorus:
"I got the blues ... sometimes you know you were born to lose ..."
"Yo, brother-man!" Andie shouts. "We got the blues!" Corrected, Dawson stumbles through another line or two, as Andie calls out encouraging "Oh yeahs!" in the background. As they sit down to thunderous applause, Pacey does his best Morticia Addams impression at their table -- arms folded, eyebrows wrinkled, face scowled. Dawson and Andie may have the blues, but Pacey is clearly seeing red.
"Ssssso," Andie slurs. "You wanna go to that not-so-surprise party?" Apparently not. Dawson loudly proclaims he is having a "dirty, low-down time" right there and bursts into a fit of giggles, as Pacey wonders incredulously what has gotten into the pair of them. "It's his birthday," Andie answers by way of explanation, as if that suddenly makes it all clear. "That's right," Dawson echoes with an idiotic grin.
Suddenly Pacey clues in to what exactly has gotten into them, as the waitress approaches to refresh their drinks. "Make this one a double, with just a splash of Coke," Dawson instructs her. "Actually, you know what? A splash is too much. How about just a spla? No ssssshhh at all." He dissolves into laughter at his own joke.
The waitress, surprisingly enough, doesn't find this funny at all, and notes that before she brings him anything else, the bartender asked her to check their ID's. "You should have checked our ID's five drinks ago!" Andie proclaims in drunken self-righteousness. "Because we are 16!" Pacey tries to shush her, but it's no use. "No, we are!" she insists. "And you, little missy, have just broken the law! Not only could you lose your job, you could lose your liquor license!"
Gesturing to Pacey, she continues. "This is my boyfriend, and his father is the town sheriff, so you know this is an undercover sting operation!" With an embarrassed chuckle, Pacey interjects quickly. "She's kidding," he laughs uneasily. "No I'm not," Andie counters indignantly. "I have my I'd right here! I'm 16! I'll show it to you! I'll show it!" That's it, game over. Pacey ushers her and Dawson out of the club as the waitress stands there, jaw agape and eyes wide.
She's not the only one, though. At the surprise party, Mitch is more than a little stunned at Gale's choice of vehicles for their son's birthday present. "So, I was out in the garage, and I saw the Explorer," he notes. "It's very beautiful ... quite a gift. Of course, I always thought Dawson's first car would be something like I had when I was a boy ... some old jalopy. Course," he sighs, "it's your decision ..."
Gale's vexed over Mitch's insinuation that she didn't bother to consult him. "A lot of things that came with this marriage are my decision these days, except, of course, the decision about the marriage itself," she replies crisply.
Meanwhile, in the garage, Dawson's brand spanking-new shiny Explorer (I wonder how much the Ford people paid for product placement for this one?) is being involved in a different kind of test-drive. The lights are off, the windows are all fogged up, when suddenly a small hand slams against the back windscreen from the inside, a la Kate Winslet in that notorious love scene from "Titanic." (okay, after the nude sketching a few episodes back, this is the second not-so-subtle reference to/parody of that movie this season! What gives?)
"We have to stop ... I can't do this," a breathless voice moans from inside the car. But in a flip on tradition, the speaker isn't female. "I'm sorry Jen," Ty whispers. "You should be," she answers coldly. (for WHAT?? Hello, could someone clue me in as to what is so wrong about changing your mind at the last minute?)
"It isn't entirely my fault," Ty replies, a bit hurt. "Really? What role am I playing in your personal inner struggle?" Jen asks acidly. "You're tempting me," he answers in a lame voice. "That's a load of crap," Jen says hotly. (I agree with her here, he knew what "temptation" he was getting into the minute he climbed into that car with her ... but I still think he has the right to change his mind)
"I'm sorry Jen, but as attracted as I am to you, I don't believe in pre-marital sex, and no matter what you say or do is not gonna convince me that it's right," Ty states. "Who said anything about sex?" she shouts in frustration. "Well, it's perfectly clear that with your history, kissing isn't just kissing ... it leads to other things," he replies.
"My history?" Jen repeats in disbelief. Ty doesn't know when to leave well enough alone, though and plows onward like an express freight train. "We're types of people ... and just as likely as I am to be found in church on Sunday --" "-- I'm more of a Saturday Night Slut," Jen finishes for him. "I didn't say that," Ty frowns. "Then how come I have never felt more like one?" Jen demands.
Inside the house, Abby is following Jack around like a persistent puppy. "Hmph," she notes disdainfully. "His own party, and he's not even here yet. What a guy." Jack couldn't care less about Dawson's tardiness though. "Do you really think it's true what you said earlier? About everyone having bisexual inclinations?" he blurts out.
Immediately, Abby gets a gleam in her eye. She's baited and cast the line, and is now reeling in her prize. "Of course," she smiles. "The Joeys and Dawsons of this world are pretty advanced in other ways, but for all the time they spend contemplating their navels, you'd think they'd be a little more open to possibilities." (here fishie, fishie, fishie ...)
For some insanely dumb reason (bad writing), Jack takes Abby's words literally. "Yeah, you're right," he smiles and pulls up his shirt a tad to reveal his navel. "There's a whole world of possibilities in there!" "In here too," Abby chimes in, lifting her top and exposing her stomach. They both giggle, and Jack laughs that maybe she isn't Satan after all. "Of course, I don't think Satan has a belly button," he smiles. Abby returns the smile with a bat of her eyes. "Us outcast types have to learn to stick together," she coos.
"SURPRISE!! Hap-py birthday!" Dawson announces triumphantly to the room as he crashes his own party, much to Joey's horror. "Great, this party is a complete disaster," she exhales. As Andie follows Dawson into the house and they gleefully jump up on the dining room table and get down and boogie, Joey and Pacey exchange looks. "Are they ...?" she asks. "Yeah, they are," he answers with a sigh.
Pacey strides over to the table and lifts Andie off and over his shoulder. Joey tugs at Dawson's trouser leg and urges him to get down (off the table I mean, not to show off his funky chicken skills). "Come on, we'll get some coffee in you," she hisses. "It's my birthday," Dawson argues. "I can do whatever I want!" "Your parents ..." Joey warns. "I got the blues, Joey," Dawson whines softly. "Do you know anything about the blues?" She's in no mood for his pity party. "More than I care to," she mutters, and suggests the coffee again. "It probably won't do much to help, but it's the only thing I can think of right now."
Joey helps the boy wonder upstairs to his bedroom, where the pair of them walk in on Jack and Abby in a passionate clinch on Dawson's bed. Abby giggles self-consciously, Jack is embarrassed, Joey is mortified and Dawson starts howling with laughter, so much so that he feels inspired to launch into a third verse of his blues song, playing air guitar all the while:
"The guy I was talking about, who said he was gay,
Got a new hairdo and decided to swing both ways ..."
Abby chuckles at his impromptu musical assessment of the situation, but Joey is less than amused. "I can't deal with this," she cries, shaking her head at Jack and rushing out of the room. Jack follows her, and Abby follows him.
As they pass Abby's two new friends on the stairs, Abby breezily tucks her shirt back in and tosses off a casual-but-trying-to-sound-jaded, "Not so gay anymore," to the pair, with a nudge and a wink. Jack overhears this and snaps at them. "More gay than ever," he proclaims firmly (my favourite line of the show!) and runs off in search of Joey.
Dawson's wandered downstairs, too, at this point. "Perfect timing, honey," Gale beams at her son. "I was just going to call you to come down after I lit the candles. Time to make a wish!" She leans in for a hug, then frowns. "Dawson, honey ... have you been drinking?"
But instead of answering her, he makes his birthday wish. Out loud. "I wish ... that my mom never slept with her co-anchor!" Dawson shouts to his guests, who stop mid-conversations and stare at him, stunned. "I wish ... that my father would stop talking about getting a job and just go out and get one!" The room is silent now, as his friends and family look on in shock as his drunken soliloquy-slash-confessional continues. (It kinda reminds me of Emily's little speech at the end of the play "Our Town," where she tells the world what she really thinks of it? Of course, if you haven't seen the play, you won't know what the hell I'm talking about ... never mind ...)
Addressing his parents, Dawson professes, "I wish ... the two of you would stop your petty bickering and at least pretend to be the adults around here! I wish ... my best friend Pacey would end this transformation into do-gooder and stop the sanctimonious A-student, teen angel crap and go back to what he does best, which is to make me feel good about my life because his is supposed to be worse!"
Pacey looks on silently, but like a true friend, he knows Dawson doesn't really mean what he is saying. It's just the alcohol talking -- or is it? "There's Jen Lindley ..." Dawson points to an embarrassed Jen who is standing quietly in the corner. "... with her drunkenness and revolving boyfriends and her wild, wicked ways ... I wanna party with you!" Dawson proclaims.
He isn't finished yet, though, not by a long shot. "... And there's Jack McPhee," he says with smug satisfaction. "Jack McPhee, who likes guys, but who doesn't mind stealing my girlfriend! Ladies and gentlemen, tonight, starring in his very own version of In and Out! He's in, he's out, he's in, he's out, in, out, in, out ... nice hair, by the way," he mutters as an aside, and you almost expect to hear a rimshot echo after his words.
Jack doesn't respond, so Dawson pulls out the big guns. Saving the best for last, he turns to Joey. "And then, of course, there's my Joey. My sweet, precious Joey. The only 16-year-old in the world (she's 16 too? When did she turn 16? So Dawson's the youngest?) who needed to find herself .. you know what? That's okay. I accept it. You need to find yourself and I accept that."
He starts pantomiming looking for Joey all over the room, intentionally ignoring the fact that she's standing right in front of him, looking mortified and embarrassed. "Excuse me, Joey? Joey? ... There she is! That's my Joey!" Inspired and perhaps galvanized by his liquid backbone, Dawson grabs her and kisses her. "Cut it out, Dawson!" She pushes him away instantly and he plops, face first, into his birthday cake, amid stone silence from his guests and a small giggle from Andie.
Fast forward to later that evening, where Dawson and Andie are bonding again, but in a different way ... both are throwing up repeatedly in Dawson's bathroom. He's at the sink, she's at the toilet. (Hey, come on now, the writers had to have a moral message in somewhere about underage drinking) "Oh God," Andie gasps, "Pacey is right! It's all my fault ... or is it my id's fault? Id it my fault?" she tries to giggle amid her nausea.
"I learnt one thing from my initiation into the evils of alcohol," Dawson groans. "Be careful what you eat, because you will see it again ... and again, and again ... Oh my God!" he wretches into the sink.
"I swear, I am never drinking again," Andie promises. "Oh God ... I am so mortified at my behaviour tonight ... and Pacey and your parents saw me ..." Dawson picks up on her theme and runs with it. "If anybody in my life ever speaks to me again, I swear I'll never let another drop of alcohol touch my lips!"
Andie nods. "And if you ever see me pick up a drink ... please remind me of how I'm feeling right now." "Deal," Dawson mutters. And then, as if to cement their resolutions, they simultaneously vomit into their receptive receptacles.
In the party's aftermath, Gale and Mitch are sifting through the emotional rubble. "Have we completely screwed up our son's life?" Mitch wonders, anguished. "No Mitch," Gale sighs. "He's 16 years old. You remember being 16, don't you?" Mitch nods, he remembers it all too well.
"I'm taking the Explorer back to the dealer tomorrow," Gale announces. "His behaviour tonight proves to me he's not ready for the responsibility of a new car. I admit, it's not the soundest decision I've ever made ..." she trails off, slightly humbled and saddened.
"We could go in on something together," Mitch suggests. Gale agrees. They discuss covering the downpayment of a car and getting Dawson to work to pay off the rest. The old "learn about the value of money and mistakes" spiel. "I guess we're all still learning about that," Mitch notes softly.
Meanwhile, Joey and Jack are sifting through emotional rubble of their own. "You know," Joey begins quietly, "it's bad enough I organized the world's worst surprise party, but ... Abby? After what she did to your family and everyone else?" Joey tells him she thought if he was gonna go straight again, he would have chosen someone like Cindy Crawford (oh puh-leeze) or something.
Jack tries to explain himself. "Everyone's telling me how okay they are with me coming out. Pacey ... you ... my guidance counsellor ..." Joey interjects with a touch of sarcasm and apologizes on behalf of the group for being so accepting. "Would you rather have everyone turn against you?" she asks sharply.
"No," he replies. "It's just that Abby was saying something tonight that made me feel like I was just like everyone else." "So, if we hadn't walked in ...?" Joey prompts. "I still would have stopped it," Jack confesses. "I realized from the minute that I started it that I was --" he corrects himself "-- that I am gay." Jack thinks for a moment about what he's just said, and I think for a moment too -- like, why does he look so darn hot NOW?
"You know, Jack, I think everyone feels alone and wants to feel normal," Joey replies with a small smile. "I don't think anyone ever really does." Jack understands that, he just doesn't want to be singled out "like I have some scarlet 'G' on my chest." (Hey! Like the Ambiguously Gay Duo on "Saturday Night Live!! Um, never mind ...)
In another cheesy, After School Special moment, Joey notes that they're all going through the "painful process of growing up," it's just that Jack just has an extra layer of difficulty. "You're incredibly luck to have people who support you," she tells him. "Don't ever lose sight of that."
"I guess the thought of being gay seemed like such a lonely thought ... I just don't want to end up alone," Jack says sadly. Joey nods and lets his words sink in, and I'm willing to bet she's thinking that being alone is a lonely thought for straight people, too ...
Jen heads home after the disaster next door, only to find Ty on her doorstep. "I don't think weshould see each other anymore," he tells her. (Poor Jen, what a night -- sexual rejection, public humiliation by her ex and now this ...) "So you waited on a freezing cold porch to tell me what was pretty clear two hours ago?" she asks.
"I just need to explain myself," Ty says a little defensively. "You know what?" Jen cuts in. "You don't. It's simple. You have natural, God-given impulses that everyone in your life has told you are wrong to follow, and so instead of growing your own conscious, you drag me through your grief, and I'm not gonna stand for it."
"Jen, you need to know that all my life has been about the church," he explains. "Its teachings, beliefs ... it's all I know." She's not convinced, though. "You're a Christian, but you like to booze it up and like to party and judge people for being gay and act like heterosexual sex is the way of the Lord, but you won't actually have heterosexual sex."
Ty admits it sounds complicated. "I am struggling with the fact that I'm a teenage guy with all the desires that go along with that ... desires that are in direct opposition to everything I have been taught to believe," he sighs. "When I'm with you ... all sense of reason flies out of my head. You're so beautiful and sexy and I want you so badly ... I am so sorry I hurt your feelings tonight. Please understand this is about me -- it has nothing to do with you." (Or, to borrow a line I shamelessly stole from the Dawson's Desktop site: Apparently Jesus boy was just looking for a Mary Magdalene stand-in whose last temptations he could pat himself on the back for overcoming.)
"It has everything to do with me," Jen answers. "I liked you." Ty interrupts that he knew that, but Jen shakes her head. "No, you don't. I really liked you. And despite what you may think about my past experience, when I kissed you tonight it was because of something more. Something pure. Something I haven't felt in a long time. But you ruined that."
Ty suggest that one day, when he has dealt with his baggage, the two of them might work out, but Jen is quick to tell him that anyone who can make her feel the way she currently does doesn't deserve a maybe.
Up in Dawson's room, however, is a couple who do deserve a second chance. Dawson is lying on his bed, Andie long gone, as Joey sits beside him. "How are you doing?" she asks sympathetically. "Fine," he sighs, "Once the room stops spinning." Joey suggests he will feel better in the morning, which may be true for his physical state, but he doesn't want to wait that long to fix his emotional state.
"Joey, whatever I said, I am so sorry," he begins, but Joey tells him she forgives him, and not to worry about it. "Even you're allowed to have a few mistakes, and I'm sure everyone else will forgive you. You pretty much told the truth anyway," she smiles.
"But the way I did it was ..." Dawson rues, his voice trailing off. Tears fill his eyes as he continues, almost pathetically, in a paler hue of her earlier conversation with Jack. "I'm so lonely. I'm 16 years old, and I'm so hopelessly lonely ..."
Joey gently asks him if that's why he got drunk, and he nods that yeah, it was. She holds his hand and strokes his fingers, while each of them assess the situation. "Why did you break up with me and run straight to Jack?" Dawson asks (ah yes, the question all of us have been dying to ask!)
"Because he wasn't you," Joey answers simply and honestly. "It was never about looking for something better, Dawson. It was about looking for someone who wasn't so close to me, so much that I didn't know where I ended and he began." She sighs. "Our lives have always been so intertwined ... in many ways, I feel like you partially invented me, Dawson. That scares me so much. I need to find out if I'm capable of being a whole person without you. I need to find out if I'm capable of being a whole person without you ... alone."
Dawson digests her words, which though they were said as delicately and gently as possible, still hurt to hear because of their brutal honesty. But he's got some brutally honest words of his own for her. "Do it quickly, okay? ... because, God, I love you ..." he says softly and closes his eyes (as millions of female viewers around the globe go "awwwwwww!" with tears in their eyes, me included. Definitely my vote for most romantic line of the season).
"I love you too, Dawson," Joey says almost sadly, as though she's realized she can't hide from the truth. She sighs and almost starts to cry herself, but it doesn't matter anyway -- Dawson hasn't heard her words, he's passed out cold. Instead, Joey gets up and walks across to the window, where she watches the first snow of the year fall. And closing her eyes, she makes a wish ...
Fade to black ...