"CUT!!" Dawson shouts off-screen, and the camera pans back, revealing that we the audience are watching Dawson and Joey watching the film's dailies on the TV set in Dawson's bedroom. "It's too repellant," Joey complains about her lip-lock with Pacey. "I cannot and will not kiss that cretin."
She begs Dawson to ixnay the kissing scene, but he won't budge. "The movie doesn't work without the kiss," he insists, explaining it's a love story. Joey thinks it's a horror story and flippantly asks him to cite the difference. "It's an homage with a heavy allegorical slant," Dawson corrects.
"But he's so ... unkissworthy!" Joey whines. "Do it for me?" Dawson asks, giving her the old puppy-dog eyes. Now it's Joey's turn not to budge. "I don't wanna regurgitate on camera," she fumes. "Why don't you kiss him?" Dawson chides that his lips are reserved for someone else, a comment which makes Joey roll her eyes in disgust. "So, have you kissed Little Miss Someone Else yet?" she asks caustically.
Dawson admits he hasn't, but that it's only a matter of time. "There's no need to rush fate," he smiles at her. Joey isn't convinced fate is going to do the trick in this case. "She's from New York, where things tend to move faster," Joey emphasizes, using a classic reverse-psychology move on him by trying to make him believe he's too inadequate and inexperienced to compete with Jen's allegedly racy past.
Unfortunately, her ploy totally backfires. "Well then, how enchanting to meet a strapping young man who doesn't have sex on the brain," Dawson answers (a touch too smugly for my taste, I might add). "If it helps you sleep at night," Joey mutters, unconvinced Jen will be as impressed with Dawson's purity as he is. "By her own admittance, she's a self-proclaimed virgin," he stresses. "Jen is a bright, intelligent woman who is clearly in charge of her own body."
Joey sighs. As usual, Dawson's too enthusiastic, and it's up to her to temper his high-horse morality with a smidgen of sarcasm. "I'm not suggesting leather straps and Crisco," she sighs, "just a kiss." Again, I think that while her motives might seem questionable on the surface (pushing the object of your affection lips-first into the arms of the object of his affection), Joey knows exactly what she's doing. Firstly, she's fishing to see exactly what level of interest the young Miss Lindley holds for Dawson, and secondly, she's trying to provoke Dawson's insecurities so much that he will be too afraid to act on his urges and impulses.
But again, Joey's scheming comes undone. "Oh, we will definitely kiss, don't worry about that," Dawson says airily, all the while putting the finishing touches on a papier mache life-size model of Joey's head. "The question is, will your lips ever find Pacey's?"
"Mmmm, I vote for an extensive rewrite," Joey suggests. "That's too bad," Dawson sighs, "Cause you definitely have kissing lips." "Yeah?" Joey asks, more than a little pleased with his observation. "Check it out," Dawson smiles, holding up the model of her head to Joey. "You give good lip." She smiles back, and Dawson suggests during the kissing scene, Joey could just close her eyes and "think of someone else."
She leans back on his bed, doing just that. (10 points if you can guess who she's thinking of!) But Joey's revelry is interrupted by a wide-eyed question from the ever-curious object of her thoughts and dreams. "Explain to me the Crisco?" Joey smiles slyly at him (I bet she'd like to!) as the camera fades to the opening credits.
In the school hallway, Nellie Olson's nasal voice announces the upcoming school dance in her usually over-dramatic style. Speaking of drama, Dawson corners Mr. Gold before film class starts and apologizes for his overzealousness. However, Dawson still hopes Mr. Gold can help him out of a jam -- turns out study hall is the same period as film class, and as the study hall is too crowded, Dawson was wondering if he could spend the time sitting in on film class, just ... observing. Mr. Gold ironically ponders this uncanny coincidence and agrees, on condition that Dawson is not actually a part of the class, that he just sits in the back and remains quiet, and that he does not participate nor involve himself in any way.
Meanwhile, just before one Ms. Tamara Jacobs' English class, Pacey and his favourite teacher are having a tete a tete of their own. "Good morning, Ms. Jacobs," Pacey says in a voice dripping with double entendres. "Can we talk?" Ms. Jacobs is clearly flustered, and admonishes Pacey that it isn't his class, and she will see him later. He isn't impressed with that, though, and firmly tells her, "No ... we really need to talk."
Tamara is still agitated and dismisses his comment by stating they have nothing to discuss except homework, of which there is none. In her best '50s condescending schoolmarm voice, she tells Pacey to just "run along now." But of course, the boy won't budge. "We have a lot to discuss," he insists, "starting with that open-mouth kiss."
Again, Tamara is flustered and agitated, and babbles that she doesn't know what he's talking about. "It's okay," Pacey soothes, "I'm just about as confused as you are --" "Nothing happened!" Tamara interjects. "There was no kiss, I don't know what you're talking about," she insists, almost pleading with him to stop the conversation.
"Your tongue was in mymouth," Pacey hisses, "You're not being fair." Tamara stares at him in shock, horrified someone might have overheard their conversation. But before she can answer, students begin to pour into the classroom, and she turns to address her pupils, a bit shaken.
During lunch, Dawson, Joey, Pacey and Jen are sitting in the caf, discussing Dawson's film. "We're going to have to work overtime to finish up," the director himself tells his two stars, "So Joey, this means no lip about giving Pacey lip." Joey pouts that she's reaching a breaking point, to which Pacey replies he isn't exactly "engorged" with the idea, either.
Suddenly, Dawson hits upon a major revelation which he thinks will make all involved parties happy. He turns to Joey. "You know how you die at the end?" She nods. "Well, how would you like to die a lot earlier?" Joey's face perks up at his suggestion.
Dawson explains that Joey's character could be killed earlier on, paving the way for her cousin from New York to arrive and take her place. (10 points if you can guess who he has in mind to replace her!) Jen, who was sitting back and taking it all in as the conversation unfolded, suddenly realizes Dawson was talking about her.
Pacey, who clearly likes the idea of kissing Jen more than he does Joey, chimes in with his agreement, as Dawson happily sums up the benefits of his plan to Joey: "It nullifies the kiss issue, and puts you back behind the camera where you belong. It's perfect this way! The audience will never see it coming! Like Janet Leigh in Psycho!" "Drew Barrymore in Scream," Pacey offers.
"Ah, a rip off of a rip off," Joey muses, but smiles her approval of the situation at Dawson. "You're right, Dawson," she grins smugly, knowing that this way, she gets to stick close by her man and accidentally on purpose sabotage any budding romantic inclinations he might have towards Jen. "It's perfect."
Back in English class, Tamara is leading a discussion about Wuthering Heights, asking her students to offer an explanation for Catherine's state of mind as she pushed Heathcliff away. Nellie Olson offers a typical answer about a woman scorned and the anguish she must have felt, but Tamara is quick to jump all over it.
Reading heavily between the lines and leaning a little too much on the "art imitates life" credo, Tamara launches into a soliloquy on Catherine's plight: "For some reason, people think Catherine and Heathcliff were great lovers, but the reality is, they never should have been together in the first place. Catherine was essentially a mess, while Heathcliff was basically a decent guy who had a lot to learn about life, and certainly didn't need some whimpering, mentally unstable wet rag following him around."
Her students' faces are a mixture of disbelief and surprise as they listen to their teacher continue to trash one of the (arguably) greatest novels in the canon of literature: "The whole thing never should have happened. Bronte should have saved her ink." Only Pacey knows exactly what she's trying to say, but his face registers a thousand different emotions at her words.
Meanwhile, over in Film class, Dawson is having a tough time sticking to his pledge to Mr. Gold to sit quietly and merely observe. Cliff Elliot, director of the class film project and quarterback extraordinaire, is droning on about the group's submission to a certain Film Festival, one which sounds vaguely familiar to our hero Dawson.
"The story is boarded," Cliff announces to his classmates, "we worked on it over the summer." Mr. Gold makes a comment about having to word hard to have the film ready in time for the festival. At the mention of the word festival, Dawson can't remain silent any longer. "Mr. Gold?" he pipes up. "Do you mean the Boston Film Festival?" Mr. Gold nods, mentioning they have a junior video level competition.
Cliff, who is irritated by the interruption, continues to love the sound of his own voice as he dithers on about the plot: "It's the third act. I've just been injured, my throwing arm is crushed. But I refuse to tell the coach about it, cause he won't let me play. The audience is thinking, 'Can he do it? Can he stay in the game and make the winning play?' Remember, this is autobiographical, so if anyone has any questions about it, they can talk to me. I was there, I lived it." (oh puh-leeze ...)
In the hallway after class, Dawson is having a similarly nauseous reaction. "Helmets of Glory," he laments to Joey. "Can you even say it with a straight face? And Cliff quarterback is writing, directing and starring!" "Ah, a Streisand," Joey observes, but her humour doesn't help Dawson's mood any. "It's a sports film?" she asks. "A thin and pedestrian sports film," Dawson counters, fuming. "Huh, exactly what you're against," Joey notes. "Could life be more cruel?"
Apparently, it could. Just as she says that, the pair of them observe another pair, namely one Cliff quarterback and the lovely Jen Lindley, interface a little ways down the hall. "This cannot be happening!" Dawson groans, as the camera cuts to Capeside's newest couple, who are saying their good-byes.
"Nice to meet you, Jen ... short for Jennifer," Cliff smiles at her (gee, what a witty and original pick-up line). She giggles, then replies in kind. "Nice to meet you too, Cliff ... short for Clifford." They part, then Jen walks down the hall past Joey and Dawson, the latter of which is clearly distraught by observing his arch-rival flirt with the object of his affection. "I told you Dawson," Joey sighs, breaking into his silent suffering. "They move fast in New York."
Later on, at the Leery house, Dawson searches for his camcorder. He bounds into the living room and asks his father if he knows of its whereabouts. "Dad, have you seen the camcorder? We're filming today." Dawson twirls the papier mache model of Joey's head around as he continues. "Joey gets decapitated."
As luck would have it, Mitch has seen it, in fact, he knows exactly where it is. "It's in my bedroom, on your mother's bedside table ... you might want to take out the tape first." Dawson is suitably horrified at the suggestion of just what his parents were doing with the camcorder. "Do you know you can get arrested for that in some States?" he shakes his head at his father, who just shrugs and smiles.
While they're on the subject of sex and all things relationship-oriented, Dawson decides to broach his father with something. Tripping over his tongue, Dawson explains he has a girl-slash-relationship question. "Don't let it go to your head that I'm soliciting fatherly advice. Clearly, I don't condone your and mom's perverse sex life, but I'm not too proud that my own inexperience is hindering my current female relations ..." Mitch looks on, patiently, waiting for his son to get to the point. After a deep breath, Dawson continues. "Mechanics of kissing. I'm interested in technique."
For all the experience Dawson believes his father to have on the subject of sex, his answer to his son's question clearly leaves Dawson hanging. "You just put your lips together and go ... there is no technique," Mitch shrugs.
"But what makes a good kiss?" Dawson wants to know. After some thought, Mitch replies that the first time he kissed Dawson's mother -- "Don't get too detailed," Dawson cautions -- they were out on a boat, and her lips were chapped from the sun, so he put some Chapstick on his lips and leaned over and kissed her.
"It just slid on to her lips," Mitch reminisces. "The sensation was amazing. The chemistry was already there, this just cemented it. It was unforgettable, and most importantly, romantic. You gotta have romance. It's all about romance ... and Chapstick," he sighs, smiling at his son. While Dawson is impressed with Mitch's recount of the Leerys' first kiss, it didn't quite answer his question. "But the kiss itself," he queries. "What did you do?"
Mitch suggests his son practice what his father is preaching. He tosses the model of Joey's head towards Dawson. "Here, give it a try," Mitch smiles. "No!" Dawson answers, blushing furiously. "Well? You asked for it," his father counters reasonably.
Meanwhile, Joey has entered Dawson's bedroom via her ladder outside his window. Not finding him in his room, she wanders through the upstairs of the house to the stairs, where she accidentally sees and overhears Mitch and Dawson's moment of father-son bonding. Crouching down, she silently observes the scene unfolding before her.
Mitch gently pushes the model of Joey's head into Dawson's hands. "Moisten your lips," he instructs his son. "Dad, this is ridiculous ..." Dawson protests, but Mitch is adamant. Ignoring his son, he continues with his lesson. "The trick is to let your bottom lip relax. You want it to have a mind of its own, to dance with hers." Dawson thinks about this intensely, his cheeks a vibrant pink.
"Close your eyes," Mitch orders. While Dawson very gently and softly kisses the model of Joey's head down in the living room, the real Joey, up on the staircase, follows suit, closing her eyes and slightly puckering. After a second, Dawson pulls away and looks at his father questioningly.
"That was good," Mitch smiles. "Yeah?" Dawson asks. "Yeah," Mitch answers softly. But the After School Special moment is broken by Dawson's next words: "Cool. Forget this ever happened?" Before Mitch can reply, Dawson walks away with Joey's head literally in his hands.
Upstairs, Joey breaks away from the invisible kiss, still mesmerized by the mere thought of it. Her dreams are rudely interrupted by whispering and giggling from down the hall. She follows the phone cord, which is stretched down the hall and into a closed door. Gale is behind the door, making kissy noises into the phone as she ends her call.
Upon opening the door, she is confronted by Joey, which takes her completely by surprise. Gale tells Joey she startled her, but Joey ignores her and bluntly remarks they are filming today. "That's nice," Gale says brightly, hoping to ignore the past few minutes. "I get killed today," Joey continues. "That's ... nice," Gale says again, at a loss for words.
Gale stumbles blindly forward, trying to smooth things over by discussing safe topics. "It's hot out today, so use sunblock, dear." Joey's had quite enough of her June Cleaver ramblings. "Mrs. Leery?" she begins. "I ... know." Gale looks like a dear caught in headlights as Joey speaks.
Fast forward to later that afternoon, during filming. Joey is reclining on the dock as Pacey, in full monster garb, chases her. She runs away, screaming, and ducks beneath some rocks for cover. A moment later, her papier mache model head pops up, and Pacey "decapitates" her in one fell swoop, fake blood gushing up like a geyser out the top of her neck.
"CUT!" Dawson shouts, pleased, as Joey's head rolls across the lawn towards him and Jen, who is standing by, watching. "You die so well," Pacey marvels to Joey. "Hey, Dawson? Can we get another one of those? 'Cause I so love that image!" Director Dawson is negatory on that request, as they are behind schedule as it is.
Joey proceeds to the Leerys' porch, where she takes off her fake blood-stained shirt and starts to clean herself off. Jen approaches and wants to help out, but Joey testily insists she can manage. Wearing a bikini top, Joey dabs at the sticky red liquid smeared all over her collarbone. Jen won't take no for an answer, though, and begins to wipe Joey's neck with a damp cloth.
"You have really nice breasts," Jen comments in a very matter-of-fact manner. Joey stares at her like Jen herself has grown a second set of breasts, but doesn't quite know what to say to her. "Don't worry," Jen reassures her. "I'm completely hetero, I'm just commenting girl-to-girl."
Joey still doesn't quite know what to say to her, so she goes into classic defense mode and swats away the compliment with a criticism. "I'm too tall," she replies meekly. "Not at all," Jen dismisses her with a smile. "You're commanding. I wish I had your stature and long legs."
Joey doesn't quite know what to say to that, either -- Miss Teen New York, critiquing her own appearance? Not only that, but Jen apparently has a long list of complaints about her own body: "I'm too short ... my hips do this weird thing ... and my face is shaped like a duck," she finishes.
"You don't look like a duck," Joey gasps in disbelief. Jen smiles at her with a twinkle in her eye. "That's the nicest thing you've said to me since I've been here," she says warmly. Though she didn't mean it as an insult, Joey certainly hadn't intended for Jen to take her words as a compliment, either. Jen realizes this, and tells her emphatically, "You know, Joey, I plan on making it really hard for you not to like me," before walking out, leaving Joey still gasping in disbelief.
Back on the film set, Jen and Pacey's characters are kissing chastely, but Pacey being Pacey, he attempts to turn the screen kiss into a passionate make-out session, complete with a deep dip backwards for Jen, who giggles at his antics.
Dawson, however, is not impressed with Pacey's thespian overtures. "CUT! Pacey, what are you doing?!" Dawson demands. "Kissing, man! What does it look like?" Pacey answers glibly. "Snorkeling!" shouts Dawson, then turns his attention to Jen. "Did he hurt you?" Jen laughs and tells him to relax. "It's just a kiss, Dawson," she chides. "Exactly," Pacey chimes in, hopefully. "We should have another ... yeah?" Dawson, naturally, won't hear of this, and using his director's prerogative, decides to cut the kiss entirely, citing that it doesn't work.
In fact, Dawson's so agitated, he decides to wrap shooting for the day and asks the gang what they're up to that evening. "I have plans," Pacey announces triumphantly, adding that he has a date. "Oh, who's the lucky farm animal?" Joey announces breezily, but Pacey's in too good of a mood to listen to her ribbing.
Dawson takes the opportunity to invite Jen to a "John Travolta night of interpretive expression" -- in other words, a movie night, where they can dance without moving their feet. Jen smiles but politely declines, she's decided to go to the school dance, which is bad enough in Dawson's eyes, but she's decided to go with none other than ... Cliff Elliot.
"It's not like a date or anything," Jen is quick to offer, but by Dawson's standards ("He asked you to go and you said yes"), it's a classic definition of a date. Jen says almost apologetically that she's new and just wants to meet people, and even insists Dawson should come along so they can dance, but he refuses, somewhat moodily and humbly citing his date with Travolta.
"Cliff Elliot!" our tragic hero laments to Joey later that evening, upstairs in the safety of his bedroom. "What's he got?" Dawson wonders aloud as he paces around the room. "Well, we could start with his chest measurements and work down," Joey muses. Dawson ignores her and continues with his rant. "There's nothing going on up here except head fumes," he insists, tapping his skull. "He's lightweight, his script is ludicrous, and his story sense is even worse ..."
Joey giggles at Dawson's own ludicrousness. "I don't think cinematic prowess is the attraction," she notes. Dawson's still in his own little world, perched high atop his soap box and ranting away happily, oblivious to her words. "I mean, she just -- she was so open about it, like it wouldn't bother me!" He sighs, then begins to verbally paint a technicolour portrait of his interpretation of Jen and Cliff's evening together.
"At this very moment, they're slow dancing. Her arms are wrapped around his waist, and they're moving to some stupid cheesy '80s song, and he's whispering things into her ear to make her giggle and toss her hair off to the side, and every once in a while their eyes meet and they shift awkwardly because they know it's coming down to that moment at the end of the night where he leans over and tells her what a great time he's had and asks if they can do it again, and she just smiles in that sexy, teasing way that she has -- well, it isn't really teasing just sexy -- and she says 'I'd like that' and their lips meet, their mouths come together, their tongues ... Aaaaaah!!" Dawson hurls himself down on his bed. "I can't take it!"
Joey rolls her eyes at his histrionics. "You're so dramatic," she says, with a touch of absurdity in her voice. "I don't get it," Dawson laments. "What did he do that I didn't do?" he wonders aloud. "He asked her out?" Joey says slowly and deliberately, as if she were talking to a very small child.
Finally, something Joey said penetrates into the hollow space between Dawson's ears, but it isn't necessarily in a good way. "I'm going to the dance," Dawson announces dramatically, jumping up from his bed and running over to the closet, where he goes through more outfits than Madonna in concert. Joey doesn't understand why he would want to see Jen in the arms of another guy ("Why torture yourself?" "I'm an artist -- torture is a pre-requisite"), but he is adamant.
"Are you coming or not?" Dawson asks his long-time best friend, who, in typical best-friend manner, tries to dissuade him from such a foolish venture. "Think it through, Dawson!" Joey warns. "This movie plot won't end the way you want it to." Predictably, her pleas fall on totally deaf ears. "I'm the one who should be kissing her, not some J. Crew ad!" he declares (which, incidentally, is an in-joke from the writers, seeing as the DC cast spent some time modelling for J. Crew). "I can do it, I can make my bottom lip dance. I am gonna kiss the girl!" Dawson exclaims, bursting with so much energy he's on the verge of detonation.
"This is so pathetic," Joey shakes her head sadly. "But ... I'm not above witnessing your hormonal suicide, so count me in." Instead of thanking her for coming, Dawson tells her to hang on a minute, he's got to check his hair -- a comment which prompts a look of certifiable deranged looniness from Joey.
While Dawson is getting busy with the latest Vidal Sassoon products, Joey makes her way downstairs, where she overhears Mitch and Gale making out in the kitchen and Gale explaining how she's going to be home late that evening. As Gale walks into the hallway, Joey softly bids her goodnight. Gale jumps at her words. "You scared me," she stammers, then sighs. "Um ... we need to talk. I want to clear up this afternoon --"
Joey won't have any of it, though. "Do you remember my mom, Mrs. Leery?" she asks. "My mum was the best. She was one hell of a woman, although my dad didn't always see that. He cheated on her for as long as I can remember, and it tore her apart -- crippling their relationship and destroying our family." Gale wonders why Joey is telling her this, and Joey's reply causes her to pause for thought. "Your actions affect others ... they bleed into the lives of those around you."
"You don't understand --" Gale interrupts, but Joey is quick to interrupt right back. "No, you don't understand. My mum got cancer and died, so you do the math. The reasons for you doing what you're doing, they can't possibly outweigh the everlasting damage you're creating."
Gale is silent as she mulls over Joey's words. "Does Dawson know?" she asks timidly, but before Joey can reply, Dawson himself comes bounding down the stairs. "Know what?" he asks, smiling. Gale and Joey exchange a tense look before Joey replies uneasily, "How to dance. I ... told her we were going."
Dawson grins from ear to ear. "I know how to dance," he says proudly. "Yeah, right," Joey giggles. Dawson kisses his mother and he and Joey leave for the school, but not before Joey tosses a very pointed "Have fun tonight, Mrs. Leery," over her shoulder as they head out the door.
At the school, the gym has been magically transformed into a wasteland of strobe lights, balloons, streamers and typical cheesy '80s and '90s Top-40 pop songs ... yep, it's one of those basic high school dances that we all knew and loved so well (yes, I'm being sarcastic).
In the midst of the action, Jen and Cliff are boogying up a storm on the dance floor. Yep, it's a Victory Dance, and the pair of them look like real ... winners, as Cliff twirls her around and Jen giggles coyly. They discuss the afternoon's football game, and Jen asks if Cliff made the winning play. "Well, you're here, aren't you?" he replies as viewers around the world roll their eyes in disgust and look for the nearest receptacle to vomit into.
Jen actually giggles at Cliff's lame line, telling him it could have been her exit cue (hmph, it would have been mine!) but somehow he pulled it off smoothly and unassumingly. "It's endearing," she coos. "Is there anything you're not good at?" Jen asks admiringly, to which Cliff replies he can't dance ("I'm "rhythmically challenged," he tells her). "Prove it," Jen grins, and he proceeds to do just that.
Pacey enters the gym at that point, scoping it out for Tamara, who is making idle chit chat with a fellow faculty member at the refreshment table. "Good evening, Ms. Jacobs," Pacey greets her with a small knowing smile. "Hello," she responds rather coolly, due to their lack of privacy. "How are you?" she asks. "oh ... confused, perplexed, mystified, bewildered ... a thesaurus of emotions," Pacey answers, waiting for her to pick up the bait.
But apparently, Tamara doesn't feel much like fishing. "You know, I'm a chaperone and I should make the rounds --" she excuses herself, but Pacey won't let her off the hook that easily. "Would you like to dance, Tamara?" he asks bluntly. "That's not a good idea," she answers, to which he replies that he knows it isn't, but if things were different ... would she? Tamara looks confused and the camera cuts away before we hear her reply.
Meanwhile, Dawson and Joey have joined the part, Dawson looking around like an excited puppy, and Joey trailing along like its bored owner. "What exactly is your plan?" she asks. He admits he doesn't exactly have one formulated just yet. Noticing Jen and Cliff kicking up their heels on the dance floor Joey tells Dawson he'd better write something quick, because in some world sectors, what Jen and Cliff are doing is known as foreplay.
Dawson's desparate. "Do you dance?" he asks Joey hopefully (wait a sec, the girl's been his best friend for how long, and he doesn't even know that about her?). "Uh, no," she answers firmly, but Dawson ignores her. "Now you do, come on," he urges, pulling her onto the floor a short distance away from Jen and Cliff.
"Dawson! This is certifiable," Joey says, chagrined. "No, it's easy," he corrects. "You just move around, shake your ass backwards and forwards." And as he demonstrates a fair bit of fancy ass-shaking (and some funky moves that are purely laughable, even though they aren't intentionally meant to be), wouldn't you know it, the last few bars of the song fade out and a slow song begins.
Poor Dawson. Now what? He's stuck squarely in the middle of the dance floor, spying on the girl he lusts after, who happens to be dancing with his arch-nemesis, which is weird. At the same time, he's also forced to mime some sort of slow-dancing, full-body contact with his female, platonic best friend since birth, which is equally weird.
Weirder still, there's some sort of tangible ... electricity in the air when he dances with said best friend. Some sort of chemistry or magnetic force that draws Dawson to her, in spite of his brain trying to override it. He tries to do this by subconsciously incorporating a few classic Saturday Night Fever moves into his slow dancing repertoire, putting some physical distance between himself and Joey so they don't have to be so close and he doesn't have to feel so ... well, I don't quite know what he feels. Confused, perhaps. Borrowing from Pacey's thesaurus of emotions, we'd better add perplexed, mystified and bewildered to the list, too.
Dawson does a few classic Travolta twirls, spinning Joey around as if she's on the Tilt-A-Whirl, and making an ass of himself in the process. (Apparently, he clearly doesn't know how to dance) Everyone else is slow dancing all dreamily and romantically, meanwhile Dawson's auditioning for the lead in "A Chorus Line." After one particularly vigorous spin, Joey stumbles smack into his arms, and he accidentally winds up holding her very close. A loud silence settles in between them, and they look at each other with that awkward, unsettling, what-is-going-on-here? look, the one where two people realize there's a little more to their friendship than they initially realized, and it's beginning to catch fire in one awkward, amazing, electric moment ...
"Hey, you guys! You made it!" Jen interrupts Joey and Dawson's reverie, much to Joey's dismay. She's dancing alongside them, snuggled up to Cliff, who recognizes Dawson from film class. "You into movies?" Cliff grunts at him. "I dab," Dawson answers, trying to sound nonchalant and off-the-cuff, but coming across as incredibly pretentious instead. Dawson and Joey manoeuver away from the other couple, where Joey mutters "That went brilliantly" at him.
While Pacey looks wistfully at Tamara, who is doing her best to ignore him, Dawson follows Jen outside the gym and into the hallway. "Where've you been? I've been looking all over for you," Jen smiles at him. "I was hoping we could dance." Dawson's a bit put out at being second fiddle. "What about Cliff?" he pouts. "Well, if you'd rather dance with him ..." Jen jokes, but becomes exasperated at Dawson's heavy demeanour and refusal to laugh. "Look, it's a song -- a three minute distraction from life," she says reasonably. He's still hurt. "Well, Cliff might get upset, you being his date and all ..." Jen's had it. "Forget I asked," she sighs, then heads into the girls' bathroom. After a moment Dawson follows her, in but is screamed out by a gaggle of females inside.
At a table in the gym, Joey is watching Dawson watching Jen. "This is embarrassing," she sighs in disgust. "Let's blow." "No ... I'm enjoying my misery," Dawson mutters and slouches down further in his seat.
Sounding more than a little bit like Watts in the John Hughes classic Some Kind of Wonderful, Joey launches into a cynical assessment of the current situation. "While you stand on the dock pontificating, little U.S.S. Jenny is sailing farther and farther out to sea. Haven't you had enough?" Dawson replies, in his best feeling sorry for himself manner, that no, he hasn't had enough, he's still breathing.
Joey's had enough for both of them, though. "Dawson, you hardly know this girl," she shakes her head in exasperation. "I know," her replies, "that's the magic. True, Jen stepped into my life not more than two seconds ago, but already I feel that ... connection. We were meant to be together. Call it wish fulfillment, but something primal exists between us."
"You're scaring me," Joey comments, a little alarmed, noting that Dawson's doing a "Frankenstein-Hyde thing" (she obviously meant a Jeckyll-Hyde thing, but I like that the writers kept the mistake in there, it sounds more realistic). "You're becoming the sea creature from your own movie," she chides him.
But as usual, the boy wonder can't be told of his shortcomings. "So be it," Dawson shrugs off Joey's observations nonchalantly. "I can't explainit any better. The girl's a mystery to me. I feel like I've know her my whole life." Seeing as Dawson has known Joey his whole life, she's a little put-out by that comment, and the one that follows: "It's like the way I feel about you. She could be you. She challenges me the way you do. Except she's ... Jen."
On behalf of Joey, let me thank you very much Dawson for that back-handed insult. Joey's clearly had enough. "Let me remind you how your horror movie slash love story ends. The creature doesn't get the girl. He dies a violent, bloody, horrible death. Rest in peace, Dawson. It's been nice knowing you." And with that, she gets up to make her exit from the gym, realizing that she really doesn't know him anymore. "Where are you going?" Dawson asks, full of surprise that she's actually abandoning him. "I'm already dead, remember?" Joey says sardonically and leaves. She means it in more ways than one, too.
Unfortunately for Joey, it's out of sight, out of mind with Dawson. She's gone, so he turns his attention back to the conscious object of his affection. "Time for a rewrite," he mutters to no one in particular as he watches Jen and Cliff hold each other close on the dance floor. Striding purposefully towards them, he takes a deep breath and moves his feet -- unfortunately, it isn't to the beat of the music, it's to insert both of them into his mouth.
"I'd like to cut in," he announces firmly, much to Jen's confusion. When she asks him what he is doing, Dawson tells the pair he'd like to take over. "I'd like to thank you, Cliff, for showing Jen a good time in the earlier part of the evening, but I'm here now, in sound mind and body (oh, really?), I can take it from here."
Needless to say, Cliff is a little puzzled by Dawson's sudden ambush. "What is he talking about?" he asks Jen blankly, who echoes the sentiment to Dawson himself. "You and me," Dawson tells her, then addresses Cliff. "Me and her." Cliff stares at him silently, which Dawson interprets as an opportune moment to cram not only his feet, but his ankles, shins, knees -- hell, both his whole legs -- into his oral cavity.
"I know it's a little confusing," Dawson tells him calmly, "but all you really need to know is Jen and I have something going on, and it's a little raw and undefined right now, but this is my attempt to clarify the situation, so I'd like to ask you to manly step aside so that I may have a moment with the object of my desire."
(Yes, he actually said that. Who is this guy?) Cliff seems to share my sentiments. "Jen, who is this guy?" he asks. Ignoring Cliff, Jen asks Dawson what exactly it is he's trying to do. Cliff isn't as tactful. "Leave, now," he orders. "This is too weird."
Dawson, still maintaining that facade of serenity, has the clarity of mind (nerve? courage? gall?) to rationally tell Cliff, "No, I'm staying. I think you need to go."
Predictably, Cliff is outraged. "Jen, what's going on? You want to be with this guy?" Jen is agitated, but doesn't answer, so Cliff turns his attention back to Dawson. "Just go," he commands bluntly. "You go," Dawson barks back crisply. "And if I don't?" Cliff threatens. "I haven't thought it through that far," Dawson counters (oh, brilliant).
Jen's had enough of Cliff and Dawson. "I'll make it easy on you both," she sighs, pushing past the two of them and the surrounding crowd. "I'll go."
Outside, after alll the hubbub has died down, Dawson, Pacey and Joey are walking home, mulling over the evening's events. "This is he most horrific night of my life," Dawson begins in his usual dramatic fashion. "Joey, how could you let me do that?" Joey laughs softly and shakes her head at his accusation. "I knew this would turn against me somehow and all be my fault," she chuckles.
Not getting any sympathy from her, Dawson turns to his other best friend. "And Pacey, my non-existant friend ..." "Sorry, man, I was otherwise engaged," Pacey answers with a small grin. In an effort to boost Dawson's shattered ego, Joey notes that she didn't really desert him, after all, she did come back to the crime scene after she left.
Momentarily, Dawson is distracted from his own whining by Pacey's comment. "Who is this mystery woman you keep alluding to?" he probes, but gets a cryptic answer for his troubles: "Alas, the mystery woman remains a mystery even to me."
So much for pleasant diversions. After realizing Pacey isn't going to 'fess up about his latest crush, Dawson steers the conversation back to more important matters -- like Jen's whereabouts at that precise instant. "At this moment, Jen's lips are probably pressing against Cliff's ..."
"Don't go there," Joey sighs wearily. She's had quite enough of the Jen and Cliff soapline for one night. Conveniently, Pacey takes this opportunity to bail on his friends, it's his stop. (lucky for Pacey!)
Back in the kitchen at Casa Leery, Mitch and Gale are discussing first kisses -- not just theirs, but their son's too. Mitch informs Gale that Dawson isn't home yet, that their son is "busy kissing the girl next door for the first time tonight." (Hmph. I wonder if they think it's Jen or Joey?)
Mitch also prompts Gale to remember when their lips touched for the first time, but she guesses wrong, much to his chagrin. "It was Ordinary People," she smiles. "Our first date." "No, it wasn't," Mitch says dejectedly. "That was our second date." (Note: The writers goofed here -- big time. Later on in Season One, the Leerys celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary. Assuming Season One aired in 1998, that would put their wedding date sometime in 1978. Ordinary People didn't make it into movies until 1980 ... so how could it be their second date? They were married for two years before they started dating?) (Yeah, I know, I know ... I have too much time on my hands ...)
Mitch urges Gale to guess again. She suggests their first kiss took place in a car, at a stoplight, but Mitch is quick to deny this, too. "Yes it was," Gale insists. "I remember -- I think you don't remember." She teases her husband, who is most put-out by the suggestion. "Of course I do! It was the single most vivid memory of my life thus far!" (It was? Huh. Doesn't get out much, does he?)
"Honey, I'm sorry," Gale sighs. "It's late, I've had a long night." (yeah, I bet). Mitch echoes her sigh with one of his own. "There I was, teaching our son how to deliver the most memorable kiss, only to discover I'm an utter failure."
"I know, we went for pizza!" Gale exclaims, but she's hit her third out of the inning. "That was our third date, and you just need to quit --" But before Mitch can finish his sentence, Gale grabs him and plants a big one square on his lips. Unbeknownst to him, while he was waxing dramatic about making vivid memories and failure (like father, like son), Gale sneakily applied some Chapstick which conveniently appeared from the fridge (whatever ... it could happen I guess ... hey, I keep Visine in the fridge to keep it cool, so you never know ...) -- she did remember after all. Satisfied, Mitch pulls her in for an impromptu slow dance, but she looks guiltily over his shoulder off into the distance.
Meanwhile, on his solo voyage home, Pacey takes a shortcut through the docks, only to find ... Tamara. Again. "This cannot be happening," he moans, then greets her with a slightly sarcastic, "Miss Jacobs." They try to make light of history seemingly repeating itself, ("A chance to do it all over again?" Pacey asks eagerly) but Tamara won't have any part of it, even in jest.
"I'm sorry about my behaviour," Tamara begins apologetically. "It's the most absurd thing I have ever done, not to mention punishable in a court of law." "It was just a kiss," Pacey interjects, but she doesn't quite see it that way. "No, it was more than that. What I did was deadly wrong, and I could stand here and try to explain my troubled state of mind -- because you do deserve an eplanation for my behaviour. But instead of feding you 10 years of therapy, I thought I could get by with a simple apology, and hope that I haven't left any permanent scars." She sighs before finishing. "What I did was wrong, and I am sorry." You can hear it in her voice, Tamara genuinely feels badly about this whole incident, and her apology is very heartfelt and convincing.
Pacey, however, isn't in the mood for an apology. "Where do you get off taking all the responsibility for this? I may be just 15, but I'm way beyond the age of accountability -- maybe not within the law, but for me. My lips kissed back." He pronounces every word slowly and deliberately. "I kissed you back." "Fair enough," Tamara nods gravely and glumly. Pacey tells her he doesn't regret it, and she shouldn't either.
"It can't happen again," Tamara pleads. "From now on, our relationship is strictly teacher-student, I want that clear." "And if I were to object?" Pacey challenges her. "It's not up for discussion," she gasps, shocked that he would even challenge such a notion. "You know it has to be this way -- for all the obvious and not-so-obvious reasons."
Pacey's completely dejected. "It's so unfair," he shakes his head. "I'm not ... good ... with girls. And I finally meet someone --" "Don't worry, Pacey, that'll change," Tamara smiles softly. "Trust me."
They exchange goodnights, and each walks away from the other, slowly, deep in thought. After a few steps, the heavy burden of self-control snaps, and they rush back into each other's arms, kissing madly.
Meanwhile, the show's biggest non-couple (for now), are reviewing the night's events. "Jo, let's assess what we learnt from ths 90210 evening," Dawson muses, to which Joey replies they should always stay at home and watch movies on a Saturday night because "the remote on the rewind of life doesn't always work."
(Incidentally, this is an editing error -- what Katie meant to say in this take was the rewind on the remote of life doesn't always work, and she almost even acknowledges her error by giggling a little bit, but James carries on with the scene, and for some reason, it was included in the final cut instead of a take where the lines were said properly.)
"No, it doesn't," James, I mean, Dawson replies with a sigh. After a moment's pause, he announces that it is "officially over with Jen." "It never began," Joey reminds him gingerly. "God, I do feel like the monster from my movie," he says with great agitation. "There's something inside me I can't control ... I'm hot / cold ... black / white ... there's no middle ground. Nothing is just okay," he concludes anxiously. (Um, Dawson? It's called male puberty. But don't worry, it'll be over just in time for your mid-life crisis.)
Yawning, Joey suggest she is too tired to philosophize, but Dawson has one last request before they end the discussion. "Do me a favour?" he asks her. "If I get this way again -- as I'm sure I will before this adolescent growth process is over -- next time, just chain me to my bed and wait for my moment of clarity to come."
Joey smiles secretly (I bet she'd like to do just that, and she doesn't need an excuse, either!). "Can I use leather straps?" she asks mischieviously with a twinkle in her eye. "Not until you explain the Crisco," Dawson retorts, geniunely puzzled. Joey laughs out loud at that one as they continue walking. "You are such a sphincter! Really, you are! I can't understand how someone so self-aware can be so utterly clueless ..."
Her laughter and teasing trails off when she realizes Dawson's gone out of orbit and is no longer tuning in to her frequency. Joey follows Dawson's gaze a short distance away to the pier, where Jen is alone, eating some salt water taffy she just bought from a cart vendor.
"What do you want to do?" Dawson asks, clearly too torn to make up his own mind. "Your call," Joey mutters, knowing she's fighting a losing battle. "Well," he sighs, "I've pretty much bastardized the evening, I might as well finish it off (yeah, until no one's left standing ...)."
Staring at Jen for a moment, he turns to Joey and asks if he can bag on her (jerk!!). Staring at Dawson staring at Jen, Joey knows she can't win this one. "Yeah," she nods. "Wish me luck?" he asks. "Good luck, Dawson," Joey says. The lightheartedness and joking manner of their conversation has evaporated, and Joey continues in a serious, mature and almost noble manner (again, very reminiscent of Watts in the final scene of Some Kind of Wonderful)."I hope you get your kiss."
Dawson approaches Jen timidly. Understandably, her first reaction is anger. "What do you want from me?" she demands. "I want to know what's going on between us," Dawson asks. "Does that question have to be answered now?" Jen shouts. (It's a fair question, I mean, she barely knows this guy! If I were her, I'd be thinking: stalker!)
"I'm sorry about tonight," Dawson confesses humbly. "I got scared I was becoming The Friend." "How awful," Jen deadpans. "It is awful," he replies. "I got scared I was becoming that friend who you come over and tell all your boy adventures to. I don't want that to be the case. I want to be your boy adventure." (um, what's with the "boy adventures"? Who's he trying to be, Robinson Caruso? Huckleberry Finn?)
"Can't you be both?" Jen pleads. "Not at 15," he sighs. "It's too complicated." (Hey Dawson, newsflash -- not at 26, either. It's still way too complicated.) Jen mulls over his point before answering. "So ... I'm interested." "In what?" he asks. "Adventure," she smiles. "So now what do I do?"
"You could kiss me?" he says in this little-boy voice (really, too precious! So cute!) but that apparently wasn't what Jen had in mind. "I really am a cliche, Dawson," she sighs. "In New York, I was moving really fast ... so fast I kept stumbling. Here, I feel like for the first time, I'm moving at a steady pace, and if I kiss you, my knees might buckle and I might stumble and I don't know if I can handle that right now."
Her words come out in a tangled rush and panic, but Dawson has the perfect calming, soothing antidote. In the distance, a couple on a yacht have put on their radio softly, and it's inspired Dawson. Satisfied that she's not rejecting him per se, he asks her to dance. "Here? Now?" she replies incredulously. "I wanted to dance with you all night," he smiles at her.
As they move back and forth slowly, Jen comments that the kiss isn't the important thing, it's just the end result. "It's all about desire, and wanting," she says softly. "And romance," Dawson adds with another smile. "And romance," Jen agrees.
Returning his smile, Jen cuddles up into Dawson's arms right there on the pier, as Jann Arden's "You Don't Know Me" plays softly, ("Oh, I am just a friend ... that's all I've ever been ... cause you don't know me ...) and Joey looks on wistfully from the shadows.
Fade to black ...