From the time that I had found out about my brothers brain tumor, I had devoted myself to this being the first priority in my life. Meanwhile, I found out my husband was cheating on me. I had to shove this to the back of my mind, to be delt with later, as I had all I could handle, as my brothers days with us were nearing an end.

As his days with us, had now become only hours, and we had been told that my brothers life could end at any time, I called my husband to let him know that the time was short, and he should come to the hospital now. Two hours later, I called him again; this time with more urgency. An hour later, I called him again, now saying only minutes were left. After my brother had taken his last breath, then I couldn't call, so some of my family called my husband to say that we would all be going over to my dad's house, and he should just come there now. Hours later, after two of my uncles went to the house to see why he had not come, he finally showed up at my dads. My uncles had found him back in bed, as if nothing had happened.

As I write this 14 years later, I still have trouble understanding how he could have done this, not only to me but to my whole family. Never have I felt such a lack of respect, caring, comforting, and love, as I feel he showed to us that night. I would have never thought it possible to lose my feelings for this man, so quickly. All my heart felt for him now was emptiness.

Right at the last few weeks of my brothers life, I was also forced to give up my partnership in a Flower Shoppe. Then, soon after my brothers death, we took out bankruptcy; losing our house, truck for income, and all vehicles. I also had to have surgery to have an ovarian cyst removed and then deal with the reason and facts of, not being able to have children.

It had taken me nearly a year to build back up my strength to prepare to leave him, and then late one night the phone rang. My husband came and woke me, saying that we needed to go to the hospital as my dad and step-mom were there. When we got there, my sister said to me, "She's gone." I still didn't even know what had happened and why we were all there. Now I was being told that my step-mom had a heart attack and was gone.

I was not so sure that I wasn't going to lose my dad also. This nearly did him in to lose his son and then his wife, both in just such a short time. I again pushed my plans of divorce back, as my family and myself all needed time to heal again.

Once again God restored my life and finally, 3 years after the fact, I filed for divorce. I worked two jobs, and lived with my dad for a few months to get back on my feet.

At 21, I went into that marriage with hopes and dreams of just a normal simple happy life. A moderate house and a couple of kids. Just a regular life, Normal! At age 30, I left this marriage with none of my hopes and dreams coming true. But, just as always, God is my strength and comfort, He not only sees me through, but He pulls me even closer. I begin to seek God and His word now in such a way as I have never before.

I met a guy at my new job, that was going through a divorce also. This brought us together as friends who helped each other out and gave us each someone to talk to who understood. He had also been cheated on by his wife, so we shared many of the same wounds. I was totally against any relationship with him, other than friendship. But he felt differently and was very persistant. It was his patience and understanding that I finally gave in to. Married, we both began our new start and life seemed to be nice and fairly 'normal'. With this new start, I sought to know the Lord more. I began reading the bible, a couple of times from front to back, and then still read chapters and chapters. I did not understand or realize that God was continuing to prepare and mold me, for I had not come nearly as close to Him as I was about to be pulled.