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  ... was fun being a baby boomer
--'till now.

Some of the artists of the '60s and 70's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.

These include:

Herman's Hermits
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker


The Bee Gees
How Can You Mend a Broken Hip


Bobby Darin
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash


Ringo Starr
I Get By With a Little Help From Depends


Roberta Flack
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face


Johnny Nash
I Can't See Clearly Now


Paul Simon
Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver


Commodores
Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom


Marvin Gaye
Heard it Through the Grape Nuts


Procol Harem
A Whiter Shade of Hair


Leo Sayer
You Make Me Feel Like Napping


The Temptations
Papa's Got a Kidney Stone


Abba
Denture Queen


Tony Orlando
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall


Helen Reddy
I am old man, Hear Me Snore


Willie Nelson
On the Commode Again


Leslie Gore's
It's My Procedure and I'll Cry if I Want To

  

Interpreting
Your Annual Salary Review
(reading between the lines)



AVERAGE EMPLOYEE:
          Not too bright.

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
          Made no major blunders - yet.

ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
          Drinks a lot.

FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
          Spouse drinks, too.

CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
          Still one step ahead of the cops.

ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:
          Opinionated.

QUICK THINKING:
          Offers plausible excuses for
          mistakes.

CAREFUL THINKER:
          Won't make a decision.

TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:
          Conceited.

PLANS FOR ADVANCEMENT:
          Buys drinks for all the boys
          in the office at happy hour.

FORCEFUL:
          Argumentative.

AGGRESSIVE:
          Obnoxious.

USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS:
          Gets someone else to do it.

A KEEN ANALYST:
          Thoroughly confused.

EXPRESS THEMSELVES WELL:
          Speaks English.

CONSCIENTIOUS:
          Scared.

METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL:
          A nit picker.

HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES:
          Is tall or has a loud voice.

EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT:
          Lucky.

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR:
          Knows a lot of dirty jokes.

STRONG PRINCIPLES:
          Stubborn.

CAREER MINDED:
          Back stabber.

COMING ALONG WELL:
          About to be let go.

OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:
          Gets to work on time.

RELAXED ATTITUDE:
          Sleeps at desk.

EXPERIENCED PROBLEM SOLVER:
          Screws up often.

WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY:
          Too ugly to get a date.

INDEPENDENT WORKER:
          Nobody knows what he/she
          does all day.

FORWARD THINKING:
          Procrastinator.

GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS:
          Able to BS well.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
          Spends lots of time on phone.

LOYAL:
          Can't get a job anywhere else.



!!! Why parents drink !!!    


A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.   Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:
"ME."
A little boy was attending his first wedding.   After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.   "How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said,4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."







An elderly couple was attending church services.  About halfway through she leans over and says, " I just let go a silent fart.   What do you think I should do?"
He replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."



"You are only given a little spark of madness.   You mustn't lose it."
        ~ Robin Williams
 "Who's On First", Chinese Version

Caller:   Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator:   Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller:   No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone!  Who is this?
Caller:   I'm Sum Wan.  And I need to talk to Annie Wan!  It's urgent.
Operator:   I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone!  But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller:   Well just tell my sister, Annie Wan, that our brother, Noe Wan, was involved in an accident.  Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital.  Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator:   Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident, that isn't an urgent matter!  You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller:   You are so rude!  Who are you?
Operator:   I'm Saw Lee.
Caller:   Yes!  You should be sorry.  Now give me your name.





How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?
 Golden Retriever:   The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
 Border Collie:   Just one.   And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund:   You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
 Rottweiler:   Make me.
Boxer:   Who cares?  I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Lab:   Oh, me, me!!!!!  Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!  Can I?  Can I?  Huh?  Huh?  Huh?  Can I?  Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
 German Shepherd:   I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
 Jack Russell Terrier:   I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
 Old English Sheep Dog:   Light bulb?  I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
 Cocker Spaniel:   Why change it?  I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
 Chihuahua:   Yo quiero Taco Bulb.  Or:  "We don't need no stinking light bulb."
 Greyhound:   It isn't moving.  Who cares?
 Australian Shepherd:   First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.
 Poodle:   I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it.  By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
How Many Cats Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
 "How long will it be before I can expect

        some light,

                some dinner,

                        and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN,
THAT, WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS,
CATS HAVE STAFF!



...and finally

Someone is on their soap box!

click here




...don't forget to always



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And that's all folks  ;)
Love, Mame		  
Please note: the graphics, pictures, jokes, stories and thoughtful tidbits contained on this page have been sent to me via e-mail.   I am unaware of the source creators.   If you know, please advise me; I would like to give credit where credit is due.
Thanks s'much!
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