TITLE - The Beginning
AUTHOR - KillTheBee@aol.com
RATING - ???
CLASSIFICATION - MSR, um...not sure...
KEYWORDS - None
SPOILERS -
ARCHIVE - SURE! Just let me know and send me the link
FEEDBACK - duh, it's like pineapple pizza, a must have KillTheBee@aol.com
DISCLAIMER - NOT MINE DAGGUMMIT!!!
AUTHORS NOTE - OK, this came to me in a dream on an airplane to Biloxi, its probably really really weird, but it's been in my mind since and it won't leave til I write this. So it'll have to do. AND the dream spurred from a rape fic (that I don't like) and I refused to write about rape, so changed it all around. it's all different. But it spured from a bad fic...not to say this is much better.
The most recent X File was driving Dana Scully close to insanity. She was losing her patience with the case and with Mulder. She felt an ache inside of her, knowing she wasn't being fair, she could walk out any time she wanted. She was with the X Files and Mulder because she WANTED to, not by force. And after Mulder's confessional in the hallway the past year she knew then and there that he honestly needed her guidance, love and support. They never spoke the words "I love you" in a serious moment (Mulder had attempted once, but Scully felt he was drugged and dismissed the notion), but they both knew they loved each other platonically. In any other way, neither was sure.
"Mulder?" Scully asked when he picked up the phone. She starred out at the rain smacking against the window, waiting for his reply.
"Yeah?" he asked tiredly.
Noticing the depression in his voice she got sidetracked to his mental health and well-being, "Is something wrong?"
He rubbed his forehead as if he had a headache, "No, no..." he said. "I'm just tired."
"Oh," Scully said, then began to move on to what she had intended to call for. "I needed to tell you--"
There was a loud thud that broke her voice.
"Scully?" Mulder asked, sitting up on the couch as if it would provide him better hearing. "Scully?"
Scully was still safe in her cozy apartment as she approached the window to spread the blinds, "Mulder--" her voice faded down as she saw the flashing light in front of her apartment building then the shadow of an unidentifiable figure. "MULDER!" she screamed, dropping the phone as the glass of her window flew inward.
The shadowy figure hadn't moved, but the force of the wind of the craft the light was emanating from blew the glass towards Scully. "MULDER!" she screamed once more.
"Scully!!" Mulder called through the phone. "SCULLY?!"
He was worried, frustrated, and scared at once, silently begging her to answer the phone.
"SCULLY!! Pick up the phone! SCULLY!" he called.
"Mulder!!!!!!!!" her voice rose higher in pitch, screeching in Mulder's ears; a sound that would forever haunt him as Scully's last words.
* * * * *
Mulder walked worthlessly into Skinner's office with a dark brown case file loosely held in his hands. Skinner motioned for him to sit down and he did so in an unprofessional manner. His hair was ruffled, his eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot, his face gone unshaven for days on end, he looked like he was deteriorating. He was barely managing to get himself up in the morning. Occasionally he would be able to shave, sometimes eat a small breakfast, but then he'd go for days without a bite to eat, sometimes not even a shower. Without Scully there didn't seem to be a reason to get up each day and move on; to have a healthy appearance for; there wasn't anything worth trying for anymore.
"You still think this is your fault, don't you?" Skinner started off.
Mulder stayed silent, refusing to speak until he felt the need.
"I'm sorry, Agent Mulder, but it's been SIX months since the disappearance of Agent Scully and we've turned up no leads since we first opened the book on this one," he told him.
Mulder was containing his anger the best he could. Skinner extended his arm waiting for the file in Mulder's hand to transfer into his own.
"Agent Scully was one of your BEST Agents..." he stood up. "She was a top-quality agent...she was a great person..." he went on seemingly unheard. "She was what kept me sane! She was the ONLY person who ever cared enough to stick with it...to stick with ME. She's what kept everything going right between me and the government, and you're just going to close her case like she means NOTHING?!"
"Agent Mulder..." Skinner tried to interrupt.
"She is a PERSON! She has family, she has people who love her and you're just going to close the book on her like she was never anything to anyone!" he raised his voice. "She was a god damned federal agent and you're not going to keep her case open!?! What kind of government agency is this that doesn't even try to find it's own agents!?"
"Agent MULDER," Skinner's tone was stern. "I suggest you go home and get some rest before you dig yourself in deeper."
Mulder decided that it was best he not say anything further, hoping that if he could calm down that in a few days he could rationally persuade the bureau to reopen Scully's case.
Then as he arrived at the door he turned around and in trying to keep his cool he said, "WHEN Scully returns, are you willing to tell her you gave up?"
After a long silence Mulder nodded, then said, "I'm not," and stormed out of Skinner's office and to the parking garage, placing a hard kick on his tires. He yanked the door open wildly and plopped in, his hands gripping the steering wheel.
He saw his cell phone sitting in the passenger seat, on and ready to ring at any moment, so he thought about turning it off, but the thought that he might miss the ONE call that meant something -- the call of Scully's return -- forced him to keep it on. He drove through the cloudy midafternoon, fighting traffic fruitlessly, not caring how long he sat at a redlight, not thinking about the other drivers on the road and what their problems were, only thinking about himself and his worries.
It occured to him on many occasions that the two most important people in his entire existance had been taken from him. The only two people who'd cared about him, the only two who loved him and believed in him. The only two who meant something to him. Samantha and Scully. Samantha had been gone for too many years to count or remember, and he missed her dearly, but he had hope that Scully would someday return. He prayed that she'd return unharmed and doing well, not in a coma and not coming back from a place like where Samantha was.
These were high hopes and farfetched dreams he chased wildly and unsuccessfully, but he'd never stop praying. He never thought he believed in prayer or even God, but he'd do anything to get Scully back, bow to the Thai Budda, praise a Jewish temple, worship a Mulsum shrine, get down on his knees and serve the devil with his stolen soul, anything that'd bring Scully back to him.
* * * * *
It was well after midnight when he was aroused from a light slumber by the shrill sound of the phone's ring. It seemed that each time he heard the high pitch of the telephone's beckoning he heard and SAW Scully's lips forming the name "Mulder" as her last request. She called for him repeatedly, over and over and he never could save her from the damnation she was suffering in an unknown realm. He lived with the never ending chill of Scully's possibly dying words. Was that the last thing she ever said? Was he the person she wanted to come to her rescue and save her from the neverending torture? Was it HIM of all people she wanted by her side as she suffered?
Finally after possibly the 7th ring without an answering machine picking up, he answered the phone, "Yeah?"
"Mulder," Skinner spoke. "It's the Assistant Director..."
Mulder felt like saying, 'yeah, I know who you are' but he didn't, "Yeah?" he said instead.
"Agent Mulder," he repeated, starting to aggrivate Mulder. The fact that Skinner was calling him in the dark hours of the morning didn't occur to him until he said, "We've found Agent Scully."
A broad smile spread across Mulder's face as Skinner told him the hospital.
Mulder drove down the dark highway over the speed limit, wishing he had a siren so he could go faster. He imagined, by the tone of Skinner's voice, that Scully was OK, not in a coma, not in any type of condition, but just fine, waiting in the hospital bed for him to get there.
He parked his car illegally in the hospital's full parking lot and bardged through the emergency doors. He forged past hospital personell, demanding to know what room she was in. They were able to tell him that she was admitted to a room further down the hall, indicating her injuries were less severe and she needed less supervision. He was eccstatic in hearing this, nearly running a marathon as he bolted down the long hospital corridor.
As Mulder walked briskly into Scully's room he saw Scully talking to Skinner, her face almost drained of all color, awake, alive, but tired. Skinner was holding Scully's hand as she spoke to him. They both turned to see Mulder in the doorway, Scully managing a small smile. Mulder's expression read shock, not in seeing just Scully, but seeing the small bulge in her stomach. He took a deep breath and walked in.
Skinner let go of her hand and began to walk out saying, "I'll leave you two alone."
Mulder walked towards her, looking at her stomach, then her face, back to her stomach, then finally on her face as he took her hand in his and attempted to hug her. Scully gratefully tried sitting up to hug him in return, but her body wasn't used to having the roundness of her stomach blocking her. She hadn't moved much in the past 6 months so therefore not allowing her to adjust to the growth she was experiencing.
Scully laid back down in the fluff of the pillows, adjusting her weight to get more comfortable as she began to speak with Mulder. Her hand was in his tenderly, almost as if he were fearing to lose her again.
"How'd you get back here?" Mulder asked.
Scully looked down and said, "I don't know."
Mulder wasn't going to press her for answers anymore. All he knew was he wasn't going to let this happen again. He was keeping Scully away from the X Files; he was drawing the line for her there.
"So how are you feeling?" he was avoiding the big question.
"A little weird. Awkward," she told him.
Just then the doctor walked in, right as Mulder was going to ask what happened. He knew the doctor was going to deliver results, something Scully would hopefully tell him anyway, but it was something that he felt she would rather reveal to him on her own time.
"Do you want me to step..." his voice trailed as he began to let go of her hand.
She quickly grasped it in hers and responded with an immediate, "No."
Mulder pulled a chair from the far side of the room next to Scully's bed and was ready, or wanted to be ready, for what the doctor had to say.
This doctor recognized him and Scully from Scully's first incident. He'd never forgotten the time Mulder barged in hailing to the Heavens and harassing him about Scully's condition. This time was more toned down, more rational and calm. "Mr. Mulder, Ms. Scully, are you ready to hear this?"
Scully's grip tightened on Mulder's hand as she swallowed and nodded.
The doctor began, "As we're all aware, Ms. Scully's in a condition...." his voice lingered. "A quite delicate condition. We'll go over care instructions later, but right now, I know there are other things you'd both like to know."
Mulder nodded, looked at Scully then braced himself for the answers he was going to be given.
"Agent Mulder," began Dr. Daily. "It looks like you're going to be a father."
Mulder's mouth dropped, Scully's eyes were widened and in shock.
"What?" Mulder asked. "But we've never..." he insinuated them never having had sex before, Dr. Daily's face suddenly expressed genuine shock.
"But I thought that you two had--"
He was cut off by both of their heads shaking.
Scully collected herself then said, "Are you sure those tests are correct?"
"Positive, ma'am," he said. "We ran 3 different tests, each of which came out positive." He took a brief pause. "Are you sure you've never..?"
They both nodded.
Dr. Daily's mind whirled. He searched his brain for answers, referring to the part of his memory of Scully's first condition.
"Well, I can run some other tests against a weak theory..." his voice trailed off as he drifted his eyes to Scully's chart.
"And what's that theory?" Mulder asked.
After a few moments, he said, "Thinking back to Ms. Scully's unusual condition a few years ago, I can only think of things that defy explanation. And being that Agent Scully is infertile yet she is clearly pregnant, somehow her own eggs were returned to her, then inseminated with your sperm."
Mulder was listening intently to the doctor, Scully was as well with more of an open mind than her usual skeptisim. She knew she had to be open about this. She KNEW that she couldn't have kids herself, it was proved to be true.
"Judging by the weakness of her immune system the first time she was returned from a similar situation and her recovery, and the extensive experiments done on her, I think this would be a simple procedure. And the most plausible considering the circumstances."
Mulder and Scully could do nothing but nod.
"Now," the doctor said. "Moving on."
"There's more?" Mulder managed to choke out.
"Of course," Dr. Daily said. "Care..decisions...."
Mulder simply nodded. He wasn't going to complicate things now.
"What we need to do now is make a few decisions and go from there," Dr. Daily spoke.
"What kind of decisions?" Mulder found himself interupting again.
"Well, for one, we need to decide NOW if she's going to have an abortion, because if she is it has to be done NOW or it'll be too late."
Mulder's eyes widened at the suggestion, Scully's doing the same thing, so she finally said, "No," sternly.
"OK then," the doctor began to move on. "Adoption? Are you considering adoption?"
Scully was rather taken aback by the question, she'd been back for less than a couple of hours and he was asking if she'd thought about anything that would change her life forever, "I haven't been able to think about much at all, doctor," she told him.
"So are you saying you'd like to keep the child or you want time to think?"
Scully took a moment's time, knowing she'd keep the baby, it might have been her only chance, and it was HERS. Not some alien deformity that would be taken from her, this child was very much human as far as anyone could tell. "I'm keeping it," she spoke up, her hand tightening even more on Mulder's. Mulder turned to Scully, looked at her pale face and her drained lips, then at her sparkling blue eyes. The eyes of a mother-to-be. And that's when he believed she'd pull through and be OK.
"OK," Dr. Daily said in finalization. "Then I'll need to tell you the precautions you should take in order to insure the survival of the baby for the next 3 1/2 months."
The words, "3 1/2 months" stung Mulder. It didn't occur to him that Scully was about 5 1/2 months pregnant and that she'd be bringing a new life into this world in close to 3 1/2 months. It kept him in shock, having to get used to Scully growing bigger each and every day, the ending that with a big bang.
Mulder's mind swirled with thousands of thoughts as the doctor instructed Scully on how to care for herself and what to eat...all the things she already knew being a doctor herself. The doctor asked that she not go back to work whatsoever, no matter if it's desk work or not, he didn't want her working. He recommended she not travel much in anyway...trips to the grocery store should be limited, trips to the mall were almost forbidden. She felt he was being overly careful, but she hadn't seen the results of the test herself, so she couldn't know the exact nature of her condition. She could only know what the doctor told her and consider it an understatement.
Finally she found herself asking, "When can I go home?"
Dr. Daily sighed, and by the tone he didn't really like the idea of letting her leave so soon, but he decided that there was no reason he keep her there.
"You can leave tomorrow after we run a few more tests. Simple ones, just ultrasounds and things of that sort. But afterwards, feel free to leave," he turned to walk away.
As he walked out, Mulder noticed the time on his glowing digital watch and it was well after 2 in the morning. Scully was no doubt tired and drained of energy.
"Why don't you get some sleep?" Mulder suggested. "We can finish this up tomorrow."
She took one last squeeze of his hand and let it slowly fall from hers. She put the other hand on her stomach as Mulder left and turned out the lights for her. "Mulder?" she called as he was about to close the door.
"I'm not leaving, I'm just going to be out in the hallway," he said before she could ask.
"That's not what I was going to ask," she told him.
"OK," he waited for her question.
"Will you do me a favor?" she asked him quietly.
"Yeah," he told her, waiting for the favor.
"Go home, get some sleep, and when you wake up take a long shower and shave. Have some breakfast, you're losing weight."
That was all she asked of him. He smiled at that, then asked, "do you want me to bring you back some clothes or anything from your apartment?"
"I can't fit into any of them," she reminded him.
He nodded, "Right."
He walked out the door, closing it gently behind him, and with all that ran through his mind, he could only think, what's she going to wear?
As he began to leave the hospital as Scully's demanded, he stopped at the nurse's station asking, "Where's the nearest maternity clothes store?"
The nurse didn't smile, didn't give him any sign of life in fact, but she told him there was one in nearly all malls in the area.
"Thanks for your help," he mumbled beneath his breath.
He went back to his apartment and thought about calling Mrs. Scully, but he didn't want to wake her. Although with her daughter, the only one left, seemingly still missing in her mind, she might not be getting much sleep anyway. He still decided to wait until the morning.
For the first time in 6 months he managed to get a good night's sleep.
* * * * *
The next morning the first thing he did before getting a shower or anything was call Mrs. Scully to let her know the news. He was actually in the process of attempting to cook himself some eggs as Scully asked him to do, burning himself the moment Mrs. Scully picked up.
"Hello?" Mrs. Scully called as he hollered in pain as she picked up.
"Oh, shit!" she could hear distantly.
"Hello? Who is this?"
At this point Mulder was able to pick up the phone, "Mrs. Scully?" he asked.
"Fox? Is that you?" she asked.
"Mrs. Scully? Yeah, it's me," he said exasperated.
"What happened?"
"I burnt myself cooking breakfast," he told her holding a towel around his hand.
"I didn't think you liked eating breakfast," she said.
"I don't, but it was an order."
"From who?" she asked suddenly attentive. He never took orders, Scully had reminded her mother of this over and over.
"Your daughter," he told her.
A wide, ear to ear smile filled her face. Mulder spoke with her for another minute or so, explaining he would be there after a while, he had to eat his breakfast, shower, and shave as he was told, then he'd be at the hospital. He figured that he should let Mrs. Scully find out about her daughter's fragile condition on her own, so he didn't mention that he was going to get Scully some clothes. He hated shopping, but he couldn't let Scully walk around in a hospital gown for 3 1/2 more months.
He managed to easily find something for Scully whereas his original thoughts were that he'd be spending the entire morning finding her size and color and all that he needed. He walked out with one thing; a thick navy blue long sleeved shirt with matching pants. It was more along the lines of formalwear or Scully's normal work clothes, so he didn't think he was out of style.
When he got to the hospital, Mrs. Scully had been getting ready to leave.
"Morning Scully," Mulder said as he passed Mrs. Scully through the doorway. He saw a beautiful array of flowers sent by various people. He walked further in the room to Scully who'd been a little more refreshed. The color in her face was slowly beginning to return and she didn't look so frail. She looked a little stronger in having eaten just one meal since her return. He figured her face would soon get it's full color back and health, then fullness.
"Morning," she told him, knowing that it was nearly noon. "Did you have breakfast?"
He held up his bandaged hand, "Yeah."
She let out a small laugh, but stopped when she felt a bit of pain in her stomach.
"How're you feeling this morning?" he asked.
She seemed to be thinking about it, then responded, "I feel a little sick, but other than that I feel fine."
He nodded.
"I'm still getting used to this," she told him. "I'm not used to having this stomach. I'm not used to feeling this way."
Mulder knew then that she'd lied to her mother; more than likely told her that she felt fine, she was dealing OK with the fact that she'd been unwillingly taken then impregnated. But Mulder knew this side of her better, the side of her that hid. He knew that's what she would do in order to keep her family holding up.
"I know," he said, laying down the clothes bag on the chair and taking her hand. "It's OK, at least you passed that morning sickness stage."
Scully smiled, but almost wished she hadn't. Mulder rubbed the hair from her face and sat down on the bed to face her. "What time is your ultrasound?"
"Actually it's not until this evening. They had some emergency and all their staff is working on that," Scully informed him, getting a nod in return.
"Well," he began. "Is there anything I can get you?"
She thought for a moment, "Food. I could really go for something to eat."
He didn't blame her. She was a pregnant woman who'd been missing for the past 6 months, who wouldn't be hungry?
"What do you want?"
"I don't care," she said. "I just want something to eat."
Mulder told her that he'd be back as soon as he could. He walked slowly down to the hospital cafeteria in search of quality food, but what he found wasn't quality really, more like simple food on a kid's menu. Scully would just have to deal with macaroni and cheese with a hotdog, there wasn't anything else on this "buffet" he deemed worth eating. He saw the jiggling of the green jello near the desserts and almost decided not to get her some, but he realized that she was pregnant and hungry, she'd probably eat anything.
He arrived in her room to find her staring at the blinds that covered the window.
"Is it raining?" she asked as she took the food from him.
"Yeah, again. It should clear up soon," he told her, sitting in the chair beside her bed.
The day went by faster than expected, and 7:00 rolled around. She was ready to be wheeled off for her ultrasound.
"You want me to stay here?" Mulder asked.
She outstretched her arm, "No."
He took her arm and walked along the rolling bed alongside her. She seemed to be a little nervous or afraid, and her face showed it. Mulder squeezed a little tighter, whispering that it would be OK. It was more Mulder that was nervous and afraid. He had nothing to do with Scully's abduction, nothing to do with any of it, and she came back pregnant with his child. It was something scary for a man to go through, and knowing he only had 3 1/2 months to prepare got him even more afraid, making him almost weak.
As they looked at the monitor displaying THEIR son or daughter, Scully had an odd look of joy and sadness entwined with each other. Mulder was in pure shock. He honestly didn't know how to handle such a situation so he stood there in awe like a dumbfounded fool.
"Mulder?" Scully asked as she closed the gown over her stomach. "Mulder?"
"Yeah?" he snapped back into reality.
"I don't know if you noticed, but we're done. We can leave now," she told him. She understood the kind of emtional trauma that came along with this and she was suffering from it too.
After a few seconds, he said, "There's some clothes on the chair in your room..." his voice trailed off. He wheeled her wheelchair down the hall to her room so she could change and they could be on their way.
After a few minutes Scully walked out of the room in her new maternity clothes that fit just right, ready to go home and do more sleeping. It was nearly 8:00 by this time, and she was grateful to be going home.
"Thanks for the clothes," she told Mulder on the drive home.
He nodded and kept his eyes on the road.
Around 8:30 was when they got back to Scully's apartment. She laid down on the couch, leaving the light's turned off, and closing her eyes. "I just want to rest for a little while..." she moaned. "Stay...wake me up in 30 minutes..." and she drifted off to sleep.
Mulder lounged in one of Scully's plush chair and almost drifted to sleep when 30 minutes passed. He looked over at Scully peacfully sleeping and decided he didn't have the heart to wake her from her gentle slumber. Instead he slid his arms under her to pick her up and carry her to her room to put her in bed. He moved the covers aside that had been neatly made for the past 6 months with no one to return to them. He laid her down gently noticing how tiny she was even when she was well into her 5th month of pregnancy. Her body hadn't changed much other than the small bulge in her stomach. He took one last look at her before he covered her body with sheets and left for the night.
As he began to leave, he heard, "Mulder?" faintly from Scully's lips.
"Yeah?" he asked.
Her voice was filled with sleep and saddness, and he began to think that she was finally realizing that her life was changing and she had no say in it. Children are usually something a couple decide to have together, but in Scully's case, she had no say in it, and she had no spouse. She was a lonely woman who'd be a single mother in less than 4 months.
"Please stay," she said with her eyes closed and her mouth barely seperating, causing it to be more of a mumble.
He nodded, "OK."
He sat on the other side of the bed, holding her hand as she managed to roll over on her side and bury her face in his chest to cry tears of confusion. He put his arm around her shoulders and drew her close, rubbing his hand through her soft, silky hair. She melted away into the galaxy of peacful sleepers somehow, resting in Mulder's arms the whole night.
The next morning she woke up to more rain and an empty bed. Where's Mulder? she asked herself. "Mulder?" she called with urgency. "Mulder?"
"Yeah?" he said, walking from the living room through her bedroom door.
Scully let out a sigh as he appeared in the doorway, his dress shirt sleeves rolled up and his jacket no doubt sprawled across the arm of one of her chairs.
"You OK?" he asked.
"Yeah..." she flopped back down on the bed. "Yeah, fine."
Under the doctors secret orders, Dr. Daily requested that Mulder made sure she ate to insure her and her child's health. Her health could easily drop her in a moment without any prior knowledge of sickness. "Breakfast?" he asked finally.
It didn't take her long to agree, then she helped herself out of bed, looking at her hair that'd gotten considerably thicker, and cursed her hormones for the extra work.
"What do you want, Scully?" he called as she padded barefoot into the kitchen, slapping herself down in a chair at the table.
"I don't know," she muttered, propping her feet up on another chair.
"Eggs?" Mulder asked her, trying to come up with something.
She looked at his hand, and just as she opened her mouth to respond, he said, "Oh yeah, right. OK, not eggs...toast? Waffles? What? Help me out here."
"Cereal," Scully said. "I can deal with cereal."
He stopped in his tracks, his mouth dropped, and he asked, "Cereal?"
Scully let her eyes examine the room, then said, "Yeah...."
"Cereal? Just cereal? No pickles on top? Not mixed with ice cream? Just CEREAL?" Mulder tried clarifying.
"JUST CEREAL," Scully responded. "If you're going to have lose your shirt over it I can do it myself."
"No no, I can do it," he mumbled, searching the cabinets for her cereal boxes. "Doesn't look like you got much of a variety."
He pulled out the one box that hadn't been opened, "You're pretty lucky, Scully. Good thing you didn't open this or it'd be stail by the time you got around to eating it."
"I was prepared to eat it stail," she said in all seriousness.
He sighed, no pickles on the cereal, no ice cream in the middle of the night, but she didn't mind stail cereal. He was getting overly confused, but he was dealing, he didn't know how well he'd be able to watch Scully eat pickles on her cereal.
She ate the cereal that Mulder put in front of her, expecting him to do the same, but he didn't. He sat down across from her, and through her bite of cereal she said, "Aren't you going to have any?"
"No," he said, waiting for her to finish.
"I'd feel better if you ate," she told him.
"Why? I'm not the one who hasn't eaten," Mulder whined.
"Yeah you are. You've probably eaten less than I have over the past 6 months. Please eat something," she plead.
"Scully..." he moaned, getting up to get a dry bowl of cereal.
After he finished eating what didn't appitize him - he could have put the milk in it at any point - he asked, "Do you need me to go to the grocery store for you? I don't mind."
"No, I can go, I'll be OK," Scully said. "I can go on my own."
Mulder was taken bruptly aback, "No way. You're not aloud, doctors orders."
"I'm not staying in this apartment for 3 1/2 months, Mulder," she sternly raised her voice.
It was a battle he couldn't win, so he gave in, "Fine, but I'm going with you. You can just..." he messed with his hands, "...just walk along side the cart or something."
Her eyes were beginning to eminate anger, but Mulder mumbled "hormones" and grabbed the keys to be on his way.
It would be a LONG 3 1/2 months to experience, but Mulder was working on trying to get Scully to allow him in her life. It took a late Sunday night for her to realize it's what they both wanted. Scully was left waiting for another 1 1/2 months when she sat down to talk with Mulder.
He dropped by her apartment on his way home from finishing a brief case in New York to check in on her.
"Want to come in? I've got nothing else to do," Scully had groaned as she managed a waddle back to the couch.
"Scully," Mulder started off. "I want to talk to you about something."
"Yeah?" Scully waited.
"Scully you're not making this easy," he told her.
She flung herself backwards, her arms flying in the air, "What?!" she asked.
His mouth rolled into different shapes then he began, "Scully, you and I both know that this child is going to have a different life than most kids do..."
Scully leaned in forward as if asking for more that she didn't know.
"And we both know that it's, in all actuality, both of ours," Mulder tried. He waited a second before going on. "And I think it'd be a good thing for all of us if we were all involved in the baby's life."
Scully softly cocked her head to the side and made a small noise.
"Scully, you can't be supermom," he told her. "No one can. And I want to help you."
The tenseness of the highly strung emotional moment was building between them. Scully leaned forward to bring Mulder's head to her chest and hold him in her warm embrace. Tears were welling in her eyes, more than likely another hormonal overdramatized moment.
"I know," she told him. "I know I can't do it alone," her voice shook. It was one of the most hardest things she ever had to admit to anyone. Mulder sat up and scooted closer to her to hold her in his arms rather than he in hers. She was the one with mood swings that made her emotions run wild, not he. All he wanted was for her to know he was there for her when she needed and wanted him. He would sleep on the couch and change diapers in the middle of the night if need be. He was willing to help her however he could.
"Scully," Mulder said. "It's OK...no one can do it alone. You're not letting anyone down by getting a little help."
She nodded and moved away. Her hand was draped around his neck, her tears slowly drying as she felt awkward yet again, but stared in his eyes as he glared into her blue pools. It was mutual when they both began to lean in toward the other. As their mouths neared Scully's slowly parted in synchrony with Mulder's. Her head tilted slightly to the side with the touch of Mulder's hand on her neck, readying her for the tension that was about to fall down in a heap of the past.
Their lips pressed together in a solitary second, then holding together. They weren't lurching through each other's mouths like leeches searching for blood, but a slow, semi-short first kiss. They pulled apart, Scully's eyes drifting away from Mulder's as he looked away.
Neither knew what to do or to say, so nothing was done, until the moment Mulder made his move.
"Scully," he was preparing himself as he sat up and tried to steady his never-faltering voice. "I love you."
It was so awkward that she almost wanted to say, "yeah of course you do", but instead she tilted her head slightly to the side and opened her lips to say with great underlying love, "I do too."
* * * * *
August 23 rolled around faster than ever expected, and a quick silence fell between Mulder and Scully as she sat up in bed late that night. It was a private emotion that she felt until Mulder sat up next to her, knowing instantaneously what he had to do. He got up immediately, called the hospital to prepare them for their arrival.
It seemed to be a whirl of unexpectations and slow motion as he got Scully in the car. Paramedics waited outside the front doors of the hospital, ready to park Mulder's car and ready to wheel Scully up to delivery.
When they finally got there and the action began, it seem that there was a parting shadow that had once stolen the light from their lives. The night flew by seemingly silently, like there was action and motion, just no words or noises. Everything was silent and in slow motion. Until that moment that she brought her daughter's life into the world, she had a broken soul and a weary heart, there wasn't a single star in the dark night sky. But as the doctor lifted her daughter to her chest, she realized that every darkest sky has a shining ray.
Mulder's life with Scully leading up to that point flashed before him, realizing that Scully's strength was honorable through it all. It took a lot to laugh as the tears go by, and she managed to do just that, never letting Mulder when she had tears to cry. But there was something unspoken that Mulder knew about Scully; he knew that she considered love a one way street, something she'd never have or be able to experience, but as Scully looked up at him in that one instant with their crying daughter wrapped safely in her arms, he knew that she just then understood that the street of love runs both ways.
And as Scully handed their daughter to him, she was allowing all of her private emotions go to him, lifting a huge weight off her shoulders and letting all of her burdens fly by. With tears of joy in her eyes, their lives seemed to stop for a fraction of a second with their daughter in Mulder's arms, Scully glowing radiantly, a wailing baby, and a brilliant sparkle in everyone's eyes. So in closure, this isn't the end, but only the beginning.
The Beginning
