Stupid Quotes & Sayings
This is funny stuff... note, don't get Matty and Matt confused, and Matty and Ali are one and the same. :)
"Why don't we ask them nicely to take the knife away from David's throat?"--Matty
"Can't we all just stop fighting and there be peace though the whole world?" (this was during a video game)--Travie
"COME ON YOU GUYS!" --mother "Does this mean i can't finish my dinner?"--Devon, Matty's little brother
"Isn't rolaid the stuff that grows your hair back?"--David "That's ROGAIN, Dave."--Matty
"What's so funny about my excessive Hi-(hiccups)-cupping?"--HiccupBoy
"Ali's[matty] gonna lose this game"--JD "Wanna make somethin' of it tough guy?"--Matty
"(after looking at a stupid video cover that says 'everything you want to know about sex')So what's it about?"--Travie
"(after listening to Mungojerrie sing 'argentine joints')What's a joint?"--Travie
"(after discussing about this one dog who loves Matty and get so excited she pees on her)And what's with Sugar's[the dog's name] pee-ness?"--Travie (you knew that)
"(the preist at church says Jesus is in each of us)Do I look more like Jesus with my glasses on or off?"--Matty
"(Travie's mom tells Travie and Matty they're having tacos for dinner--Mitzi[Trav's mom])Awesome! So what's for dinner?"--Matty
"(Jimmy keeps saying things backwards)What are you guys doing?"--Tom "Saying things bass ackwards"--John
"(the chimes strike twelve[in the school play] and the mysterious man should die, but he doesn't)Would someone please die?!"--Matty
"Ben needs a colorful vest for his part as Cinderella's father"--Drama teacher "I have one with pink teddy bears!"--Matty
"(after Dave called him mean names)You-you-you-Ladies' man!"--Devon
"Has anyone seen my pants? My shirt? My boxers?"--Jarred
"(after Matty spends two minutes saying the "sh" sound and starts to turn blue) SUGAR RAY!" --Travie
"(Travie's on the phone with Matty and says to her cat:)Why are you licking the couch?"-_Travie
"I don't know--oh you're not talking to me. Never mind!"--Matty
"You asshole!"--Brian
"Everyone has an asshole so why don't you shut the hell up?"--Ian
"(Matty is in JD's house and he is picking on her)You better shut-up, cos I know where you live!"--Matty
“Doob, dooby, doo. Beware of the Penguin.” --The Penguin (Batman)
“We came here to shoot shit, er, crap.” -- Matty, trying to spit out a line from Guys & Dolls
“I can’t eat the underskins!” –Devon
“Can we kill Lauren again?” – Jack
“I hate people.” -- Steve
“We’re not suppose to go to Hell until we die. Something isn’t right here.” –Matty
“If you don’t shut the hell up I’m gonna kick your friggen head in.” – Matty, in a violent moment
“I wonder if they make Limp Bizkit barbies?” –Matty
“Whenever I look at you I think of that one song… “I wish I was little Bit Taller”…” –Matty
“Guilty or Innocent?” “Innocent! Throw him to the Skarkecons!” –(Transformers)
“Can I graduate?” –Third Eye Blind
[says he] “wrote “Quit Playing Games” [from BSB] while in jail.” –Mark McGrath
“Could I please speak with someone who doesn’t have their head up their ass?” –(She’s All That)
“I’m not fat! I’m just big-boned.” –of course, the famous Cartmen (South Park)
“Oh my God! You killed Kenny!” –(South Park)
“I feel ten inches tall!” –Stewart Little (from the video)
“Sonny says critics are cynical assholes.” –Julian from Big Daddy
“You can’t hurt my feelings because I hate all people.” –Steven
“(proudly)I hit Holly Roerick in the face with the door today.” –Matty
“Jack-ass!” –Devon
“…And if you don’t go to the Devil’s house, you live it in life.” –Matty
“Damn it all… have you seen those pink elephants?” –Matty
“I’m not monoxinated, occifer.” (that’s not a typo, it’s a joke)
“Nightcrawler!” –Dave & Steve & probably Jon (not Pettit!)
“Now he really looks like a chipmunk.” –Matty's oppinion on Jon P’s hair when it wasn’t spiked up
*(Matty’s licking white ice cream off her finger)“Ahh! There’s white stuff on her finger!!!” –Steve W
*(Mark has been talking about snapping bra straps) “I know, that hurts!” –Zack
*”I have a nicer middle finger than you.” –Mickey
*”What if we shove you in an alley, beat you up and rape you?” –Josh S “Josh, stop dreaming out loud.” –Matty
*”I thought I’d just tell you. You looked confused.” –Matty
*”Please try not to confuse me.” –Matty
*”But I know more than anyone else.” –Mark “You did.” –Matty
*”It’s one of those things where you just lost control somewhere along the way. You don’t know where or how—but it’s gone.” –Deby (Matty’s mum)
*(Ashley has called Mark a bastard) “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” –Matty
*"Maybe if you weren't him [the dog] like a football...!" --Jeff
*"She's not a slut, she's horizontally accessible." --Nicole
*"He [Jeff] poked his prick [with a rake]!" --Matty
*“I’m not talking to your or your sister anymore.” –Henry “Why, just because my sister throws friends away like skittles?” –JD
*[After Henry got his knee operated on] “Does it hurt?” –some girl “Like HELL.” –Henry
*“Where? Fuckin’ Northville that has a population of—[unison] six?” –Henry & Matty
*“Devon’s gay? Are you sure? He doesn’t carry around a purse does he? I’ve had nightmares about that and I am NOT kidding.” –Matty, talking to Dave
*“You should watch out, Ali has the power of the spoon.” –JD (speaking of Matty)
*“If you cut off one of my balls I’m ripping yours off and using them as my own.” --Eric
*“You… are a dickhead.” --Matty
*“Stop, he might pursuade you to date him.” --Megan
*“What?! Matt stole the doughnuts?!” –Elizabeth
**(Eric leans on Nick and Nick crashes to the ground) “Kinda heavy, isn’t he?” –Matty
*You would trust Matt with a real sword?!” –Brandon
*(Matt pertends to cut off Eric’s… well, you know) “Do it and die, bitch.” –Eric
*“You would put my penis in jeopardy for that?” “Don’t worry.” –Bee “Don’t worry? If he harms it I still have to use that thing!” –Eric
*(to Eric) “You need to act stupid.” –Bee “That was a tight casting job.” –Matt
*(to Anthony) “Man, we should ship you off to India or something, we sure don’t need you here.” –Matty
*“Poor bastard.” –Eric
*(Matt gives the suck-it sign) "I'm not doing Elizabeth's job." --Naquana "I wish." --Matt
*"We're not picking on your songs. Really. We're making fun of your spelling. It's nothing to be ashamed of." --Matty
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*"Pizza looks gross if you take the sauce off. It looks like brain." --Matty
*"What, you think that's funny, Freshman?" --Naquana
*"Doesn't he know I just wanna sit around like a dumb fuck?" --Anna
*"They don't act like a married couple. Just a bad sex relationship." --Megan
*”I read once that {insert religion} once used to not touch each other while having sex, but cut a whole in the blanket.” –Burky
*”WHAT THE FUCK’S GOING ON?!?!?!” –Matty
*”What have you been saying about me being corrupted?” –Pojo
*”Can you just say something for me? ‘I was wrong, Seth was right.’” –Seth
*”She had better not’ve been having sex with my brother, I’ll beat his ass.” –Matty
*”Elizabeth, I though you would be used to always being in the backseat.” –Naquana
*”No, I refer to everyone as Dipshit.” --Burky
*”What is this, a game of 20 questions? Leave her the fuck alone!” –Matty
*”Your father is my lover!” –Henry
*”Bah, blow me.” –Eric “I’ve had better offers.” –(someone) “I think everyone’s had better offers.” –Matt
*”I have to have ice tea instead of soda all this month. I’m suffering withdrawal.” –Naquana
*(Matt took the book she was reading away from Naquana) "Did you fail kidnergarten? Can't you share? I know you share things with Elizabeth, like, STDs, but really..." –Naquana
*"You always pick on me. Last play you picked on me when i should've went out with Matt, and this play you pick on me because i am going out with Matt." --Elizabeth "And when you break up, we'll pick on you because you did go out with Matt!" –Naquana
*”Why must she ruin our fun?” –Naquana “Because she’s my girlfriend.” –Matt
*”Won’t you sing that one more time for me?” –Josh “I will if you pull your pants up.” –Matty
*(to the tune of “Lucky”) “And they say he’s so spiffy in his red thong…” –Seth & Anna
*”If you sleep with him again you have to promise you’ll have sex with me too.” --Eric “And me!” –Seth
*”I vote you piss on Beckett’s car.” --Ali/Matty
*”What the fribble?!” –Pojo
*”Stop. This is where it ends.” –Ali/Matty
*”I saw that coming. Someone had to do something stupid and Tony isn’t here.” --Ali “And it wasn’t gonna be me ‘cause I’m cool.” --Eric
*Icky-Sticky-Licky-Mickies!” --Megan
*”Can I throw you in the snow?… And make out?” --Eric
*”I have the best privates in this whole room.” –Eric
*”I’m not doing anything! My hands are in my pockets!” –Eric
*”Have you ever though that maybe you make her uncomfortable?” –Bill “Yup.” –Eric
*”I would never make out with Eric!!!” –Joli “Anymore.” –Ali/Matty
*”YOU WERE ARGUING ABOUT SIXES!!!!” –Ali/Matty
*”That was almost funny. Keep working at it.” –Ali/Matty
*(scoldingly) ”POJO!!!!” –just about everyone at Scitamard
*”Do you have an apple again, Al?” –Brandon
*”Ali Appleseed!” –Anna
*”Oh my god, she’s going to her locker!” --Renée
*”Hockey is the greatest game in the world. You can fight and only get to minutes out.” --Eric
*”Well if I can’t make it in the goal, I can at least hurt somebody.” --Ali
*”I’m a... fucking brick... fucking wall.” --Eric
*”Why can’t I have abs like that? Instead I have this two-liter.” --Eric
*”I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re better now.” --Brad
*”Mom, Devon’s acting like he’s from the ghetto again.” --Ali
*”Am I wrong? Oh, that’s right, I’m never wrong.” --Ali
*"Pojo, c'mere, I need to smell your hair." --Ali
*"If you haven't guessed, he got laid." --Megan
*"You suck!" --Eric "I second that!" --Ali
*"There you go, fantasizing out loud again." --Ali
*"Do they i'm a frickin' whore or something?" --a girl i really do not like "That's a rhetorical question." --Ali
*"Don't hit me in the gonads now, I have to use them this weekend." --Eric "I... didn't need to know that." --Ali
*"You know that belongs to somebody?" --Brad "It did." --Ali
*"No, your other west!" --Ali
*"Would you dress up in a bikini and walk around for me for twenty bucks? No wait, are you clean-shaven?" --Eric
*“And you don’t hang around stupid people?” –Marie “Nope. Well, except for Brad.” --Ali
*“He’s been hanging around stupid people too long.” --Ali
*“Stop fingering the venison!” --Ali
*“You need to tell your mother to get a life.” --Beth
*”Matt… you fart everywhere.” --Ali
*”He fuckin’ spit in my eye!” --Ali
*”’Damn Yankees’? Maybe we should change the name.” --Matt “Yeah, the ‘Darn Yankees.’” --Seth
*”Psycho…” --Brad
*”Hey, I’m multi-talented, what can I say?” --Ali
*”I’m thuroughly confused.” --Ali
*”I think we should re-evaluate who the idiot is here.” --Edwena
*”She’s confused about being confused.” --Brad
*”The church is near but the ice is slippery. The bar is far but we will walk carefully.” --Brad
*”Uh, no one is touching my legs in such a way…” --Ali
*”Gotta give Ali a hug. I’m pimpin’.” --Dave S
*”I’ve only gotten my car up to 130.” --Dave S
*“I got too many girls…” --Dave S
*“What the fruit?!” –Ali
*“No wait, how ‘bout this for a team name: ‘Dave and His Bitches’?” –Amber
*“Aren’t you proud to be one of Dave’s bitches? I would be.” --Amber
*“Oh no, I’m everyone’s favorite freshman.” --Ali
*“You really shouldn’t play with other people’s balls.” --Ali
*“Hold up, Elroy.” --Ali
*“He’s playin’ with his bitches!” –Amber
*“You’re nothing but a slinky-puller!” --Ali
*“It wasn’t a slinky, it was a piece of coiled wire!” –Heather “Well no, now it isn’t because you killed it!” --Ali
*“You know what I hate? When you get too close to a gas burner and they flare up.” --Brad
*“What I do in the privacy of my own bedroom is none of your business.” –Ali “Whoa, I wouldn’t expect something like that to come out of you—I wouldn’t expect something like that to go in to you!” –Brad
*“First you’re after my man, now you’re after me…!” –Nikki
*“I didn’t think ‘charismatic’ was a word Dave would use. It’s more than five letters, he can’t know what it means.” --Ali
*”Well Eric was gonna come anyway, whether I invited him or not.” --Dave S
*”You’re not dumber than a box of rocks. Adam is a box of rocks, he got into Utica (Syracuse University). That makes you smarter than a box of rocks.” --Megan
*”Quick, get in before the light changes.” –Eric
*[unison] “You have to know Dave!” –Amber & Ali
*”She was all pissed off at me ‘cause I got Dave and she didn’t. [starts laughing hysterically].” –Nikki
*“I like Josh. That’s why I go out with him.” --Amber
*“Don’t hang your mouth open like that or I’ll put something it.” --Dave S
*”Should we follow him in there?” –Renée “No man, that’s the boys’ locker room!” –Ali
*“Can I pimp you out?” –Dave S
*“Where’s Dave?” –Mary M “When are you not looking for him?” --Ali
*”No man, it’s at a firehouse, there isn’t gonna be alcohol.” –Ali “Oh no, I’m coming, there is going to be alcohol.” –Megan
*“I got too many girls…” --Dave S
*“What the fruit?!” –Ali
*“No wait, how ‘bout this for a team name: ‘Dave and His Bitches’?” –Amber
*“Aren’t you proud to be one of Dave’s bitches? I would be.” --Amber
*“Oh no, I’m everyone’s favorite freshman.” --Ali
*“You really shouldn’t play with other people’s balls.” --Ali
*“But Ali’s special, she’s my fellow ho.” --Amber
*“You’re just a freshman!” --Josh “Yeah… well… You SUCK!” –Ali
*“Eric, what’re you doing?” --Lyn “You don’t wanna know…” –Ali
