When you live in a small town you get familiar with the people in it, seeing some more often then others. I like to call these familiar people the "Characters of Welland". Every town has characters I'm sure, even if it's a big city. Usually the characters of a town stand out compared to most people. They usually are homeless people, freaks or handicapped people and they're seen almost everyday. I hope that I don't come off as a mean person telling you about the characters of Welland. Most of Welland's characters are handicapped or disabled. I try not to make fun of these people, but it's sort of hard not to. They're always seen doing funny things, which makes them the "characters" of Welland. These are my favourite characters that just couldn't be left out of Hometown Care, they're a really big part of Welland to me. Try to find characters in your town!

The Egg

The Egg was one of the first characters of Welland. She's a large handicapped woman who is found wearing tight 80's clothes, has the bottom half of her head shaved and smokes. It's not too often that you find a handicapped person who smokes. I remember the first time I saw her. I was shopping at the Seaway Mall with my sister and our friend Roseanne. We were waiting outside of the mall, waiting for a ride home, when the Egg came along. She had a bright yellow raincoat on and was smoking and talking to herself. Roseanne at first thought that she was the handicapped girl that she tutored at school. Oneday when Roseanne was tutoring this handicapped girl, Erin went to visit them. The handy capped girl went up to Erin and started talking about an egg. Erin couldn't understand a word she was saying other then the word "egg". So when we saw this strange handicapped woman at the mall, we decided to give her the nickname "The Egg". I know, very stupid, but we were young. After that day we would see the Egg on almost every trip to the mall. She was pretty funny to watch sometimes. Like once I saw her in the mall standing by a sign saying "back to school" and she was in hysterical laughter. I couldn't figure out exactly why she would find this sign so funny but when I told Roseanne, she said that she was probably laughing because she doesn't have to go back to school anymore. Someone told me a story about the Egg riding on the Welland Transit, where there was popcorn on the floor. The Egg must have been pretty hungry because she ate all of the popcorn that was on the dirty Welland Transit floor! Ewww! Another time I was shopping and the Egg was with a group of other handicapped people and the Egg was talking and all of her friends were in hysterics. I walked by them very slowly so that I could hear exactly what the Egg was saying that was making them all laugh so hard. When I walked by I couldn't understand a word she was saying, but all of her friends could. She seems to be quite the comedian. I have a friend, Amanda, who works in the food court of the mall who sees the Egg everyday. She told me that the Egg usually sits in the food court by herself, but is able to have conversations with three "imaginary" people sitting around her. As Amanda said "I would love to sit down with her and those imaginary friends of hers. They all seem to have such a good time together!". I haven't seen the Egg in about a month now, but I'm sure she's around somewhere in Welland (most likely the mall).

Blondes, Brunettes and Redheads

Blondes, Brunettes and Redheads(BBR) is a man who is spotted at the Seaway Mall EVERYTIME ANYONE IS THERE! I sware, this man LIVES at the Seaway Mall. He rides around in a motorized wheel chair and tries to picture of chicks. BBR always wears a baseball cap that says something about being a bachelor (I've tried to walk by him and read his hat and memorize what it says, but I always forget). He also has a little licence plate at the back of his wheel chair that says "No riding...unless your a blonde, brunette or redhead" (that's how we got his name). He sure is flaunting that he's single. I think that him and the Egg maybe should get together. Onetime Erin and I were shopping in the Seaway Mall and were in a really crappy store called "Magoos", when we heard the buzzing of BBR's wheel chair come by. He went inside Magoos and asked the woman working if she would like to go out on a date with him that night. The lady working said "No Glen (or some name that might've rhymed with Glen, I can't remember?), I don't have any money tonight.". If he really wanted to go out on a date with her, and was any sort of a gentleman, he would've paid for her on the date. The only other story I have about BBR (I don't have many stories about him, he just is always buzzing around in the Seaway Mall), is one a friend told me. She said that her Grandpa has to ride in a wheelchair and also likes to spend his free time at the Seaway Mall. But what he doesn't like is other people who ride wheel chair (very weird), so BBR has threatened to beat her Grandpa up because of this comment. I really don't know how these men would fight if they're confined to wheel chairs. Maybe they're have a bumper chair fight? At any rate, I would really like to see it happen. Hopefully for Hometown Care #2 I'll be able to get some more interesting stories on this man.

Stalking Screaming Bob (written for Interstellar #2)

I think that I have too much time on my hands, really. To be stalking a 50 year old man for no particular reason all summer must mean I need to get a life. Well, I wouldn't actually call it stalking, more like always running into. Do you ever go somewhere and every time you go there you see the exact same people?? For example, every time I go shopping at the Seaway Mall, I always see the same handicapped lady (the Egg) with the half-shaved head. Well, whenever I go down Wilson Road, I see Screaming Bob. Ok, let me start at the beginning of my story. When I was around the age of 5, there was a man who delivered our newspaper, who was kind of funny looking, with a moustache, and he's very short. He delivered our newspaper for quite a few years but suddenly he stopped and vanished. I never saw him anymore. Around the age 13, I came a big Archers Of Loaf fan. One day, the Wedge on Much Music, played the "Web in Front" video. The video stars a man named Bob (it says ‘Bob' on the jacket he's wearing). It's a really funny video, infact, I think that it's my favourite video. Bob is chasing pigs and trying to becomes friends with the members of the Archers Of Loaf. After being rejected by each of the members, he eventually becomes friends with them. The man, Bob, looked strangely familiar to me. I knew that I saw him before somewhere, but I couldn't place where. Then Erin saw the video and said "Hey, isn't that the man who used to deliver our newspaper??" THAT'S IT!!! I looked around Welland and tried to find Bob, but I had no luck. I thought he must have died...until this past summer! It was the first day Erin had her licence. We were cruising around when we saw him walking down Wilson Road. When we saw him we nearly went insane! Erin almost crashed the car from going so wild! We were screaming like crazy (but that's not how we got the screaming part of ‘Screaming Bob'). I was afraid I'd never run into him again, but boy was I wrong! Every time I would go down Wilson Road, there he was, walking in almost the exact same spot as I last saw him. We decided to change the name of Wilson Road to "The Bob Way" or "Zimbobwe". One day in the car, we were going down Zimbobwe and we started to honk the horn like crazy at him. He looked up with the funniest look on his face, like he was thinking "Who the hell are you?!". One night, Jessie was over and we were being all goofy. We were talking about some tunnels that are suppose to be haunted, "the screaming tunnels" in Niagara Falls. Somehow (I really don't remember how) we called them "The Screaming Bob Tunnels". But the thing was, we could never picture Bob screaming. If he ever tried to, nothing would come out. So screaming Bob would be silent. I know, that sounds really stupid, but we always make stupid jokes like that when we're together. I really wanted to show Jessie this Screaming Bob guy we were talking about, so we went down Zimbobwe, but there was no Bob! Where could he be if he wasn't down Zimbobwe?? Well, there aren't many places you could go in Welland so we went shopping at the Seaway Mall. Not only did we see the Egg, but there was Screaming Bob! It was really weird to see Screaming Bob somewhere other than Zimbobwe! If we weren't stalking Bob, he must have been stalking us! Another crazy story of Screaming Bob was the time Erin and I were coming home from the Screaming Bob Tunnels one night. We thought that it would be too late to see Screaming Bob walking down Zimbobwe, but we sort of laughed at the thought of seeing him. Well, we drove down Wilson Road and there he was!! I think that I've figured out part of Screaming Bob's daily schedule. He goes to the mall in the evening, then he takes the Welland Transit to the Wilson Road bus stop and then walks down Wilson Road to his house on Glenpark Drive (see map). Actually, I feel really sorry for Screaming Bob because he's always by himself. Kind of like the "Web In Front" music video; he has no friends. I'd really like to go up and talk to him and become friends with the guy who stared in the Archers Of Loaf music video, but I know if I ever started talking to him I'd probably burst out laughing or something. If only the Archers of Loaf lived in Welland!

Bob Update!

Ok, I wrote that article almost 2 years ago, so a lot has happened in "Bob news" since then. First, we got a Bob tip telling us that Bob's real name is Glen Dooley and that he used to live in Sunset Haven (old folks home) but got kicked out for faking seizures to touch the nurses breasts. Now he's living in our neighbourhood (don't we feel safe?!). But now we don't think his name is Glen Dooley anymore because Erin called up 411 to try to get his phone number (we aren't too obsessed, are we?). The operator said there was no such person in the Niagara area. But just yesterday we received another tip that his name is definetly Bob because he is always spotted by the employees of McDonalds in Welland! Over the Winter, Bob sightings were very scarce! I think we only saw him a total of 3 times! But soon we found out that he had knee surgery to correct the funny way that he walks. Since he was in a cast he couldn't get out of his house. Now he can't stay inside!! Yep, Summer has kicked in and Bob's knee is better so Bob is sighted at least once a day!! We found out that he lives in a house, 33 Glenpark Drive, Zimbobwe. Since we've been seeing him so much and I got a new camera for my birthday, I was able to take a picture of him! Here it is:

Only on the East! (The East Side Characters) By Lyndsey

Crazy Joe

he's got this wild hair...it's sooo 80's...well, looks 80's, more like a bird's nest...much like that of the woman who was in Earnest Scared Stupid...the witch lady? Anyway, he's always got ripped jeans on, and a skintight tee shirt. the whole look is very 80s. He just walks the streets....that's about it.

Crazy Mary

you probably know of her. she may or may not have set the house on the corner of church st. and niagara st. on fire. the thought of crazy mary used to scare me as a child, but I may be thinking of bloody mary (in front of the mirror)

The Hair Girl

I don't know her name, but I've heard she's mark tomaino's sister. she's got this wild hair..superlong and pouffy, but at least it looks nice (as opposed to joe, see above). she's always walking her dog..usually down southworth.

well katie, that's about it for prominent east side characters, but amongst these three, there is the skaters, druggies, and BINGO ladies...bingo, only on the east!