SLAA GUIDELINES
These guidelines are just that. The channel owner and/or Operators(OP’s) have discretion in specific cases especially where discipline is involved. However the channel must have consistency to be considered fair in dealing with everyone. It will be rare when exceptions are made. We always welcome suggestions. Please send them to any OP (operator) or to slaaonline@yahoo.com.
The Guidelines are in 3 parts:
1) MEETING PROTOCOL
A) SLAA © TWELVE TRADITIONS
Note that these guidelines are written for face-to-face meetings that have organizational problems we don’t have on-line.
1. Our common welfare should come first, personal recovery depends upon S.L.A.A. unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority - a loving God as this power may be expressed through our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for S.L.A.A. membership is a desire to stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction. Any two or more persons gathering together for mutual aid in recovering from sex and love addiction may call themselves an S.L.A.A. group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation.
4. Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other groups or S.L.A.A. as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry its message to the sex and love addict who still suffers.
6. An S.L.A.A. group or S.L.A.A. as a whole ought never to endorse, finance or lend the S.L.A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property or prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every S.L.A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. S.L.A.A. should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
9. S.L.A.A. as such ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. S.L.A.A. has no opinion on outside issues; hence the S.L.A.A. name ought never to be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and film and other public media. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all fellow S.L.A.A. members.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.
B) STANDARD MEETING FORMAT
The format for this style meeting is quite simple. If you wish to share with the group, please wait until the person currently sharing is finished. Then enter "!" to request "the floor". While sharing, please end each line with "..." to indicate that you are not yet finished. When you are finished, please say so by typing <done>. The leader will then give someone else a chance to share.
When someone else is sharing, the role of the other attendees is to be "active listeners". An "active listener", does not interrupt, judge, or ask questions. But, an active listener may offer brief words of encouragement such as-- nods… agrees… understands... or says RIGHT ON!…or CHEERS!!.. or UNDERSTANDS.. or NODS.
Please take note of the number of participants in the meeting, and adjust your sharing time to allow everyone a chance to share.
We will end the meeting with the "Promises" and the "Serenity Prayer. At that point, everyone may chat informally. Thanks for your help in following this format! Meetings should last about one hour. Everyone should feel free to leave, but also feel welcome to stay as some of us will hang around for informal chat and even last minute shares for late comers.
C) FEEDBACK MEETING FORMAT
The format for this meeting is identical to one without feedback except that feedback is permitted. After a share is completed, the leader will ask you if you wish feedback if you have not indicated in your share. If you request feedback, the leader will then request feedback for you from the attendees.
Anyone who wishes to provide feedback should send an "!fb" and wait for recognition from the meeting leader. The leader will limit feedback to five min for each primary share and 3 min. for each feedback. We ask that a maximum of two feedback’s be used for each share. Please be considerate of the time you use.
REMEMBER: We are NOT professional counselors! Limit feedback to your own experiences, strengths and encouragement as they relate to the share you heard.
2) MEETING ETIQUETTE
A) PRE MEETING
This is a great time to catch up on news, greet friends, and chat about your recovery problems and triumphs. For those who get here early there is usually some wonderful socializing. But we need to remember we are addicts and need to behave appropriately. We ALL need this #SLAA room to be as safe as possible and only you can do that. No amount of policing can keep it safe - just YOU!!!!
Keep talk to recovery, family and current issues in a safe fashion. This is NOT a time to flirt, engage in racy talk or attempt inappropriate behaviors.
It is highly recommended that you keep talk in main channel. There is little you should need to say that is private and would require a message window or DCC window.
If the room is very crowded or a conversation is personal as between a sponsor and sponsee or between recovery partners then by all means open a message window. (Known as "talking in the hall") If you do, be aware that you have a responsibility to the other party to behave appropriately and safely.
B) DURING MEETINGS
Your purpose in attending a meeting is to participate in your recovery. This includes but is not limited to sharing your stories and experiences, hopes and headaches, receiving feedback at meetings for that purpose, and learning how recovery works and gaining insight from listening to others in recovery.
During a meeting we listen, share and encourage our recovery friends. We highly encourage you to be "present" in the meeting, participating by keeping your dialog in the main SLAA window and limit your "chatting" so that the most beneficial elements of the meeting are not missed. There is little that should need to be said in a private window that cannot wait until after the meeting.
Please be considerate of others when sharing. While we need honesty we do not need to be triggering. The purpose of sharing is to convey where we are, ask for help, and to be encouraging. We encourage shares that bring us up to date such as a check-in BUT we do not need the use of triggering words or offensive language in a share to be effective.
Please do not cross talk during shares. As noted above in the MEETING FORMAT only one or two words of encouragement or empathy should be needed during a share. Cross talk includes advice, commentary, questions and other inappropriate behavior that is disruptive and interferes with the flow of the share and may upset or distract the person sharing. Repeat offenders may be kicked from the room after a warning.
Please limit the use of popup’s and aliases to one or two line congratulatory popup’s during a share when complimenting a success or providing encouragement. The preferred time for these "fun" items is after a share.
Refrain from welcoming friends into the room after sharing has begun until a share has ended. Just like cross talk this can be very distracting to the person sharing and is rude. Wait until a share is finished.
Remember that everyone had fragile egos when they came into recovery. We remember our own pain and difficulty getting words out. Be understanding and empathetic when making any comment. Be sure you understand what was said.
Please disable any automatic message systems that provide two or three lines of information on you, the time when you leave and when you will return from a channel or go away from the keyboard(AFK). These are very disruptive during a share. Simply changing you nick to <nick-AFK> is adequate.
C) POST MEETING
For a very large meeting and with latecomers we encourage those who have not had the opportunity to share to do so at this time. Please be aware and courteous at these times. These people usually need to share and if someone begins please cease all chatter and listen as if the meeting were continuing.
This is the most dangerous time of the meetings. We tend to relax and let our hair down a bit. We recommend especially newbies stay out of private messages and DCC chats for their own good. All of us need to be aware of the risks during this period and behave with caution and respect for our recovery friends.
By all means socialize and make friends during this time if you can stay. We all need friends during this trying period of our lives. The good friends we make here will be some of the few friends we have where we can talk recovery without fear of misunderstanding and rebuke.
This is a great time to get to know the people who can help your recovery. Finding an appropriate sponsor and recovery partner can make a substantial difference in your recovery success.
D) BEHAVIOR GUIDELINES
The ability to keep this room safe is entirely up to you. Refuse to be a part of any sexual encounter.
Please report all inappropriate behaviors promptly to a room Operator (an OP). They are the ones at the top of the names list with an @ before their names and lead meetings. These behaviors include any inappropriate language, rumors about other members, harassment of any kind and sexual advances of any kind.
If an inappropriate incident occurs but with no acting out, a warning will be given to the party who instigated the inappropriate behavior.
If acting out occurs both parties will be given a warning regardless of who was the instigator.
For a second offense the party or parties will be banned from #SLAA for a period of one (1) month minimum. In order to return the banned parties will be required to be sober (free from all bottom line behaviors as agreed to with their sponsors) for a period of two weeks minimum prior to their return and declare this to the channel operators.
The channel owner and all 400 level operators available must agree to a ban. A minimum of two is required. The banned parties will be allowed to defend themselves if they desire. The same group must all agree to a return. If a party is refused permission to return they shall be allowed to argue for their case before this group. A minimum of two in the group must attend.
If a party becomes a repeat offender they risk an extended ban up to a permanent ban from #SLAA. Such action will be at the discretion of the owner and 400 level operators.
3) REFERENCES
A) RECOVERY SITES
GENERAL RESOURCES
onlinesexaddict.com
www.christians-in-recovery.com
www.sexualrecovery.com
www.sexhelp.com/ (Patrick Carnes)
home.rmi.net/~slg/sarr/
A) RECOVERY SITES (cont’d)
TWELVE STEP SITES
www.slaafws.org/ (SLAA)
www.sca-recovery.org/ (SCA)
www.sexaa.org/ (SAA)
www.saa-recovery.org/ (SAA)
www.sa.org/ (SA)
ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/sra/ (SRA)
CODEPENDANT SITES
ww2.shore.net/~cosa/
www.netgate/~nccod/
www.sanon.org/
www.ncsac.org/
B) FELLOWSHIPS
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)
The Augustine Fellowship
(617) 322-1845
PO Box 650010
West Newton, MA 02165-0010
National 12 Step program focused on addictive sexual and romantic relationships. Helpful for people who consistently involve themselves in abusive, non-nurturing relationships as well as sexual addicts. This program tends to attract more women and mixed male/female groups.
Sexual Addicts Anonymous (SAA)
869-4902
PO Box 70949
Houston, TX 77270
National 12 Step program which encourages participants to define their sexual sobriety through the boundaries of a "Sex Plan" which is evolved by working with other recovering members. Population is mixed, primarily men, bi-, homo-, and heterosexual with some female attendance. Has a program for partners of sexual addicts called C.O.S.A.
Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
331-6230
Fax (615) 331-6901
PO Box 111910
Nashville, TN 37222
National 12 Step program, which employs the most restrictive definition of sexual recovery. Sobriety is defined as: "No sexual behavior outside of committed marital relationship." Population is primarily heterosexual men, some women do attend. Has a program for spouses of sexual addicts and offenders called S-Anon.
Sexual Recovery Anonymous (SRA)
340-4650
P.O. Box 73, Planetarium Station
New York, NY 10024
and
290-9382
P.O. Box 72044
Burnaby, BC V5H 4PQ CANADA
e-mail: 103427.356@compuserve.com
Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA)
606-3778
1-800-977-HEAL
P.O. Box 1585, Old Chelsea Station
New York, NY 10011
e-mail: info@sca-recovery.
12 Step program found in major urban areas nationally. Primarily attended by gay and bisexual men and some women. Participants define their sexual sobriety through the boundaries of a "Sex Plan" which is evolved by working with other recovering members. Currently has no formal partners program.
BOOKS
Note that virtually all of these books can be obtained in anonymity through www.amazon.com.
|
TITLE |
AUTHOR |
|
Out of The Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction |
Patrick Carnes |
|
Don’t Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction |
Patrick Carnes |
|
Contrary To Love: Helping The Sexual Addict |
Patrick Carnes |
|
The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships |
Patrick Carnes |
|
A Gentle Path Through The Twelve Steps: The Classic Guide for All People in The Process of Recovery (A Workbook) |
Patrick Carnes |
|
Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred |
Patrick Carnes |
|
The Twelve Steps for Christians |
No Author (NA) |
|
The Twelve Steps: A Spiritual Journey (Workbook) |
NA |
|
Power To Choose: 12 Steps To Wholeness |
Mike O’Neil |
|
A Hunger For Healing: The Twelve Steps as A Classic Model For Christian Spiritual Growth |
Keith Miller J. Keith Miller |
|
Hope and recovery A Twelve Step Guide For Healing From Compulsive Behavior |
NA |
|
Sex, Lies and Forgiveness: Couples Speaking Out on Healing From Sex Addiction |
Jennifer P. Schneider Burt Schneider |
|
Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself The Power To Change The way You Love - The Love Connection to Co-dependence |
Pia Mellody Andrea Wells Miller |
|
The Life Recovery Bible |
NA |
|
|
|
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