I am coming out of the dresser (opposite of closet!) to say that my love for Lance is true. Here is my plan of attack!
I am waiting outside at the May 3rd concert, when I see a truck pulling a trailer full of brown horses drive past. It pulls into a nearby P&P gas station. I sneak over to the trailer, and wait until the dude goes into to pee and pay (P&P!!) As soon as he goes through the door, I manage to steal a exact Toby lookalike. Hell, they could be twins. (I couldn't tell the difference, how could Lance?)
I quickly trot it over to where the buses are. (hey--if anyone sees the horse, they'll just think it's a certain singer named BRITANY with a skanky mane...not to name names or anything!) A new bus pulls up, and before the wheels have even stopped rolling, out comes a sobbing Lance. (And when I say sobbing, I mean mascara and everything running down the face, the whole sha-bang!) Dammit, I've been spotted.
He is running at full speed screaming "TOBY! TOBY...I knew you weren't dead. JUSTIN...that was a mean, mean joke to tell me that Toby died!"
He never even slows down while screaming this, and before I could mutter the words DOG-FOOD, he mounts the damn horse AND THEY'RE OFF! He stole my horse...HE stole MY horse! Ughh...it's my horse...so I take off after them. Lance rides it right into the venue. I run right in there too, but there's a fork in the hallway! Now which way?! Using a sophisticated method of elimination, I pick left, since LEFT and LANCE both start with an L!
I speed down the hallway. Wooooo, I am really out of shape, but it's my horse at stake now. Knowing Lance, he is probably molesting it in the Ladies' room. THAT'S IT!! Ladies starts with an L, too!!! I haul ass to the restroom and as I near it, I can hear whinnes crying out, and a deep soothing voice saying, "Here, let me give you another sugarcube, it'll only hurt for a minute!"
I throw open the door, and low and behold, there is Lance on my poor (stolen, might I add) horse, which is tied up to the toiletpaper dispenser, with Lance behind him, standing on the toilet. I untie the horse, and grab Lance. I throw him up against the mirror, and grab a handful of liquid soap. I shove it down his throat but not all of it can go down at once, thanks to an oversized testi-whoops, I meant-adam's apple! I keep shoving soap down, until the cops arrived.
So happens that Joey had abducted some 15 year-old and they thought he might be in the Ladies' room. They took Lance to the ER, but he was okay. Dammit, I should have killed the Bass-turd, or at least have rubbed soap in his eyes. That would've taught him to look at another horse again!
**Did I mention, I am Toby. His soul was forcefully put into my body. It hurt! *Okay--no, but...it was the only explanation for my new-but forceful-love for Lance!