Ok, ok...so we aren't N Sync's girlfriends...but we thought this would be something humorous that we could put on our site. Imagine if we were N Sync's girlfriends. Wouldn't you just loooove to hear what they love/hate about their men. You girls know how it goes, the guy does something that pisses you off, so you just HAVE to tell your friends all about it? Well, this is what we imagine a conversation would be like, if we really were N Sync's girlfriends. *this is purely for entertainment purposes only...for those of you who don't get what the word HUMOR means*
Setting: Just a normal evening, and we all decided to go out for dinner without our men. We get on the topic of our boy toys, and here is what was said:
Jen: Ohmygod, I am so annoyed with Justin right now!! No matter what those little teenyboppers think, he is SOOOO not perfect. If they only knew his annoying habits.
Val: Well, I'm sure you all know that JC isn't perfect *everyone gasps*
Beth: Oh really Val...like that is a shock. JC is a neurotic freak!
Val: Just wait till you hear some of this stuff though! He stays up all night to talk on the phone AND he won't tell me who it is, and I know its not his mother!!!
Jen: Oh yeah Val, who do you suppose he is calling? I bet it's that sex line number that Joey so obviously leaves just lying around. By the way Beth, if your man ever leaves that number around my house again, he will NOT be able to have any Jello...at least not at my house. I mean, I had to tell Justin like ten thousand times that it wasn't affiliated with Chippendales. Joey knows how bad he wants to work there and he leaves that number around to taunt Justin. It's just not funny anymore though. Do you know how many times I have to stop what I am doing to watch Justin's strip show? Serious...there is only so much of it I can take too. Those teenyboppers faint at the sight of him in a wifebeater...yet they don't know what I go through ten times a day.
Beth: Yeah, Jen...well YOUR man has been a bad influence on Joey too. Do you think that I like to watch JOEY strip? Um...no especially when he isn't wearing his training bra!! His boobs are almost as big as mine!!! It is the grossest thing I have ever seen. And as the finale of his little strip tease...he puts on just the Superman cape, grabs me by the waist, and jumps out the window into the jello pool. Good thing our bedroom is on the first floor of our house, otherwise he would get hurt. So you need to stop your man from stripping all the time, and we will see about Joey leaving those numbers around for Justin to find. K?
Stephanie: *Rolls eyes* Would you just let Val continue?! I kinda want to hear about "perfect little JC's" faults. Well actually not really, but it's better than hearing about Joey's boobs!!!
Val: Thank you Stephanie. Where was I before being so RUDELY interrupted? *glares at Jen and Beth* Oh yeah...people think the only thing he does is sleep! I wish! When he is sleeping he steals the blankets AND he talks. I can't tell you how many pairs of ear plugs I have gone through. Oh!!!!! You would think a person his age wouldn't sleep with stuffed animals anymore right? Well, he sleeps with a new one every night. I thought he would want to cuddle with me cause we are hardly ever together, but no, he cuddles with that stupid toy. UGHHH!!
Stephanie: Is that all??? You should see Chris' antics. First off all he thinks that he is a little kid. But the worst thing is the fact that I have to redo his weave like every day!!
Val: You didn't let me finish. There is much, much more. Do any of you remember that one skit on MMC where he played Dan on the Last Dating Game? Well, the part about him clipping his toenails, that's true, except for he doesn't eat them. THANK GOD!! He just leaves the clippings everywhere. He is constantly chewing on his nails AND he practices his burping, in hopes that one day he will beat Justin in their contests. How manly is that?
Jen: Well I can tell you one thing, he needs to stop practicing. The other day Justin burped so friggin loud. I swear to god it registered on the Richter Scale. It just is disgusting. I hate it. That and the fact that he is not only biting his nails, but constantly clearing his throat. It sounds like he is haucking up a lung for god's sake.
Val: When we first got together I thought it was cute that he talked with his hands, well... it has gotten worse. He got excited the other day and he almost took me out. I know now that I have to stand arm's length away from him in order not to get hit. Haha. I asked him how his day was and went to give him a hug, he got excited and the arms started flapping. I thought he would take off!!
Beth: Well, maybe he won't need a harness for the Sailing stunt then. He can just flap his huge arms and be "sailing" through the air. Hahaha!
Val: *shoots Beth a dirty look for dissing her man* The thing I am most upset about was that I used to love to run my fingers through his hair. Needless to say I can't do that anymore due to the enormous amounts of hair gel. Whenever I go grocery shopping I have to pick up 5 bottles of LA Looks to supply him for the week. I do have to admit that I love to sit on the lip of the tub after he gets out and watch him get ready. He sings and makes faces into the mirror. AND he is such a perfectionist!! He doesn't leave the mirror until his hair is perfectly plastered to his head.
**In walks Rachel...who had been listening to our conversation so far and laughing...cuz Lancey puts all the boys to shame!*
Rachel: Ugh....no, no, no. You think Justin and Joey doing their stripteases are bad! Lance takes off his clothes while making horse whinnies. I swear he thinks I am Toby. I wish I had sent that damn horse to Friskies the first time I thought of it. It would have saved a lot of cats from starvation! Oh, and then when he takes off his shirt, I am like blinded! One time, I thought I was dying and saw the white light, but then I realized it was just horny Lance!
Stephanie: Um...Rachel...hold on a second. Have you looked at Chris lately? You think seeing Lance's white chest is enough to give you a heart attack? Well, that is because you haven't seen Chris streaking through the house and backyard. All of our neighbors had to put up fences to avoid glancing out their kitchen windows and seeing a hairy ape run by. It is sickening...practically enough to make me and everyone else vomit. He is like a caveman or something...I try to tell him to wax it off or use Nair...or SOMETHING!! But he refuses, saying he likes to get a discount at the zoo!!! Whatever.
Rachel: Ew...thanks for sharing. I don't want to see Chris the hairy ape man. He's like a Yetti or something. That is disgusting!! But anyhow...back to Lancey. When we went back to visit his relatives in Mississippi last summer, every person we talked to was always like "That's cuz I'm from Mississippi." I thought Lance was bad! Down there it is like 15,000 people, 15 last names! You know, I was like, take me home!! So we go home and all the way back on the plane, he perfected his Tazz impression. Everyone else flying thought he was a lunatic. I have never been so embarassed in my life! Wait a minute, I take that back! The worst thing he has ever done, that was brutal embarassment, had to be the time we went horse back riding on our vacation. His horse, he thought, looked like Toby. The whole time, he was talking to it, like they were long lost twins or something. I thought I was gonna go crazy. He totally ignored my presence, and never spoke a word to me. All the kids who were riding then too, kept pointing, and staring, and laughing at him. I finally turned my horse around and rode back to the ranch. FOUR hours later, Lance rides back in, and get this, not because he noticed I left, because "Toby and I got hungry!" Now tell me I don't have it rough!!
Beth: Ok, you have it rough, but you don't have to deal with Joey's jello fascination do you? What...do you think I enjoy draining the pool every week so he can fill it with Jello and go for a swim? NO! And when he finally fills it with Jello, do you think I enjoy being woken up in the middle of the night to go "swimming" in the Jello pool? I DON'T THINK SO!!! So yeah, Lance is obsessed with a horse, but Joey is obsessed with Jello and Superman. Also, you should be around him when he is trying to show off by doing the Bobby voice. So yeah, he can do it...but it doesn't mean I like to hear it 24 hours a day!! I can only take so much of it before I will have to schedule an appointment with your husband Stephanie!
Jen: Yeah, well Joey may dress up as Superman and like to go for a dip in the Jello pool, and Lance may imitate Taz and talk to horses, Chris may streak around the house, and JC may sing to himself and sleep with stuffed animals. BUT, Justin plays PIRATE constantly. And it is the most annoying thing. He tries to chase me around with his sword, and always is getting his pirate earrings hooked on various objects. About tears his earring right out!! And the fact that he can't see too well with a freakin patch over one eye doesn't help matters either. He calls me his "pirate wench", and if I don't do what he says that he will "make me walk the plank"...whatever the hell that means. Personally I think he is a little old to be playing pretend. He also wakes me up at the butt crack of dawn to watch him bleach his hair!! Like I care. I keep telling him that if he doesn't watch out, he will be bald by the time he is Chris' age, but he doesn't care. I guess he likes the glow in the dark look. Which, can be good...if a headlight blows out on the Benz...I can drive, and he can sit on the hood and light the way with his hair and his JRT necklace. Haha.
Val: I didn't think it was that bad with Justin...but now I see it differently, I don't know how you stand it!! I can't even sleep with the hallway light on!! There is no way I could sleep with my boyfriend's hair glowing on the pillow next to me!!.
Jen: Oh yeah...he also keeps me up half the night singing his own little version of God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On Me. Like he needs more of an ego boost. Puhleeze. *Rolls eyes*
Val: Well girls...I have so much more to tell you about JC...but I gotta go pick him up from his dental appointment.
Rachel: Yeah, I gotta go get Lance too...see ya later girls!
Beth: Joey is probably getting hungry...I need to get going too.
Stephanie: Well the kids are probably getting sick of riding Toby...so I suppose I should take them home to Chris. I hope his arthritis isn't bothering him too much tonight.
Jen: Yeah...Justin is probably lonely...wait, he has the mirror nearby...so he's not too lonely. But I should go anyways. Talk to you girls later.
*They all walk to their respective modes of transportation...Jen: the Benz, Rachel: Toby (hey...I said he lives!!), Val: the Jeep, Beth: Joey's Acura SLX, and Stephanie hopped on the bike, made especially for 4 people (hey between the materials needed to reweave Chris's hair and raising 2 kids they can't afford anything else!), and all drive off*