Well, folks, this is it. I've decided to step down as GM of Senshi Immanis. At first, I was going to let someone else take on the responsibility, but after consulting my brother, decided it wasn't a good idea. Someone else would have taken over, completely changed the RPG, and taken credit for a concept that I created. Senshi Immanis is still my property, and I don't like the idea of other people adopting my brainchild.
For a while, Senshi Immanis was my escape - my way to get away from real life. In the game, I was Sailor Verus, Senshi of Truth, bringer of Justice, and the incredibly blunt Beatrice. I also played Lou, controller of the Transformation Gems of the Senshi and guardian to Sailor Ultimus, the sort of godlike figure that saved all of Luna and created the Senshi. I was a hero. But more than that, I was the GM. I was God. It was my world, completely under my control, and I could do whatever I wanted.
Where, in the real world, I was trying to get away from too much.
I've graduated but am still living at home. I have a shitty job.
I have no money. No four-year college will accept me until I get
credits in classes that deal with subjects I hate. I want to move
out of the house, but can't afford it. I'm an in-the-closet bisexual,
struggling with how to come out to her parents and family. But more
than that, my writer's block is killing my hopes and aspirations of living
in my literary world. I am beginning to question everything I once
thought I knew for certain. I don't know what I'm going to do with
my life any more.
I'm only sure of one thing. I can't escape like this any more.
I have to deal with me. And it may seem trivial, running an RPG,
but I realized it's no different from having anorexia - I'm just trying
to gain some control in a way that probably would have gotten progressivly
worse. And I don't want to be a mean GM. I like my players.
So this is my goodbye to all of you, who have been so good and tolerant towards me. I'm sorry. I thought this was something I could do and handle. I guess I was wrong. I'll miss all of you. I may have acted as though you were just a staff, bu many of you have been my friends in more ways than one. My Hotmail address will still be up and running, should you wish to contact me.
The page will also be left up, but I will not be adding to it, working on it, or accepting any mail regarding it.
I'm sorry.