When I entered high school, I was not only skinny, but I also looked younger than everyone, even the kids my own age. I was mistaken for a ten year old. I was 13 years old. I had braces. I had my hair in braids that went down to my hips. I had thick glasses. I was a stick. I had no self esteem. But I wanted to do what it would take to fit in.

There were very few from my old school in high school. Most of them went to Catholic high schools. To me that was the best break I could have possibly gotten. I could start all over again.

In my homeroom, I made three friends right off the bat, Carla, Wendy, and Peter. We had a few classes together and all had lunch at the same time. They mentioned all the activities around at school they wanted to join. I wanted to join something. I remembered being so jealous of the Girl Scouts. They had an exclusive club and got to do fun things. I wanted to know what I would be missing out on.

When I went home and asked my mom if I could join some school activities. She said no. I asked her why. She said she wanted me to come home right after school to do my homework and clean house. She said I need to help out around the house since she was working. She said it would be a waste of time to join and didn't want me to participate.

Enter the wonderful age of rebellion. The next day, I joined the yearbook, newspaper, and literary magazine staff. I also volunteered to be a clerk in the school counselors' office. I also signed up for the science and history fair. I reasoned, these activities were during school hours. Mom said I couldn't join them if I had to be home after school.

I had a full class load as well. I took English, French, Algebra, Biology, P.E., Art and Music. English was too easy. It was a blow off class. We would read very easy books and write a book report. Basic fifth grade stuff.

French was okay, but I lost interest half-way in the first semester.

P.E. was only for jocks since the games they played, only the good players were allowed to participate. I was benched for the most part and they only allowed me to humilate myself and play every now and then. Did I mention I had thick glasses?

Algebra made no sense to me whatsoever. She lost me on the first page. I couldn't grasp the rest of the concepts thereafter.

Biology was a joke of a class. My teacher really didn't care if you learned. She had a point system. If you turned in a paper with just your name on it, it was an F, but one point. If you turned in all your papers and if they were all F, your report card grade would be a C. I really had no attention span in school. I really didn't care. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to have fun. If the world was going to end soon and I wasn't going to be in the "new system", why should I even try to get ahead. I was not interested in the things they were teaching. I only did well when they occasionally caught my attention. Most of the things I learned in school came from my own independant study at the library.

I openly and more difiantly would listen to pop music. WLS was my favorite radio station. I loved to spend my allowance on buying records. I had a vast collection of 45's. I loved to dance and wanted to perform. I plotted and signed up for a talent show. My mom stopped me from going through with it. The talent show was late in the evening at school.

My mom also killed the spirit in me to fully enjoy the activities I signed up for. I liked the activities, but my heart really wasn't in it at times. Things like my science and history fair projects were a disaster since my mom wouldn't help me and my dad didn't know how.

I guess to sum up freshman year, I was just as mediocre as every other freshman. I finally fit in. I still didn't feel good about myself.