Thunder Storm
As the lightning crashes
Flashes, and thunder roars
I marvel at the complexity of the bolts
The intricate unrepeating patterns
The sound of a girl is in my ear
It's not yours, though it is beautiful like yours
She speaks of your person in great detail
Yet never mentions your name once
She speaks of our most amazing experiences
Yet she knows neither of us
The lightning crashes again
Flashes even brighter then before
Lets loose a deafening thunderous roar
My heart skips a beat in fright
The inertia of the thunderous night caries on
I think of how I miss you so badly
And then the inertia effecting me is that of loneliness
How I could utter all those thoughtless words
How I could ever think the abstract things I thought
How I could accuse you of impurity in my heart
I hate myself for not loving you for what you are
Not letting you be what you are
A blonde flame, a reckless and powerful hurricane
All trapped inside that little beautiful body
The rain pours down on me suddenly
The voice cries out louder in my mind
It condemns me for all my wrong doings
And for my lack of right doings
A huge bright, blinding bolt flashes across the sky
I blink but when my eyes open I can't see a thing
All I see is pure dark, no lightning, no trees
Suddenly I panic imagining I'll never see you again
Suddenly all those regretful nights of nothing with you
Become as meaning full as the night of our first kiss
Become more meaning full then our nights all alone
Our last night together when nothing happened
Becomes the most precious
And I am truly sorry for my ignorant stupor and greed
And I cry out to you and ask forgiveness
Just then Jewel's voice disappears
And the lightning crashes and flashes again
And the deafening thunder booms
And I open my eyes again
But this time I see you, and hear your voice
This was only the first storm of many more to come
But it shall always be the most meaningful one
And for that I'll always be thankful

Born Of An Angel
Long night's ends
Are now short day's friends
What once glistened as bright as gold
Has been lost in the nights dark and cold
All feelings of uncertainty and despair
Have far from disappeared
What once made you smiles, and once made you laugh
Is now more frightening then a fiery plane crash
As you think about her your heart over turns
You cannot deny that which your heart does yearn
Though separated by many miles of road and water
Your love for her has never faultered
But your confidence that was once so over whelming
Frightens you as its powers are falling
Those born of and angel are never wrong
For their omnipotent knowledge is ever so long
But we lonely disenchanted sons of man
Run perpetually into the swirling torrential fan
The blades rip us apart heart and soul
For in the blades we have no control
Our hearts ripped, souls tormented, eyes made blind
We are continuously haunted by that which we can't define
Regrets for things said wrong
Regrets for things that won't last long
For while occupied things are all good
In bed the mind warps and twists like nothing else could
The pain and agony of every day work are your friends
The torments of your imagination before sleep have no ends
For you wait for her, your one and only
The bold, the beautiful, the lovely
Years away she is, nowhere in sight
But that's ok, because time you will fight
And when end times come nearer and near
You shall be content eternally when you hold her dear

Executioner's Song
Your time draws nearer and nearer
You bash your cup off the bars of your cell
Desperation no longer exists for you
Only regrets for what you did
The clang of the metal on metal amuses you
It takes so little now a days to indulge you
The quick solution back then
Is what lead to your confinement now
You can hear the crowd outside
The guard comes to your cell
He opens it and yanks you from it
The cuffs like your arrest's are put on you
He drags you along the hall way to the courtyard
You are pulled up onto the platform
The crowd is cheering anticipating your demise
The executioner comes out of his hall
The crowd cheers even louder seeing the mask
The start to sing a slow, weary, melancholy song
The sound of impeding death, the Executioners Song
A slow drum roll follows
You think back to the days before your hardship
To the days you spent in her arms
The way her soft kisses made your body quiver
And you remember how you were found unjustly
By all except her, she had faith in you
But the black masked man comes still
He shoves your head through the noose
And he pushes you off the platform tumbling towards death
But you feel no pain
For knowing you are dying an innocent man relieves you
For as your neck breaks and your suffocate
You just keep in mind how great she made you feel
And how it will be only a few years
Until you have her again in Heaven

Heart's Forever
Flowering lilacs capture the attention of my nose
But your eyes still hold mine tight
Your breathing, ever so slow and gentle
Keeps my ears listening closely
Astounded by your flowing hair
And sparkling eyes, and sensous lips
I dream all day of just watching you
Or simply holding your hands softly
And kissing them, again, and again, and again
And braiding your hair, and smelling it so sweet
I can almost taste it as I lay here on
My head on your stomach, eyes in yours
And heart eternally engraved inside you
We tell each other our hearts desires
Then laugh as we plan how to achieve these goals
For very few are even somewhat plausible
Besides that of being in each other's arms forever
But we want to learn how to make our hearts
Our ever so doubting hearts believe in forever
But until then, we lay here in the pasture
I watch butterflies land peacefully in your hair
And I just thank God for sending you for me
Because even if we never learn what forever is here on Earth
We know what forever will be like for us in Heaven
So we just cling together in heart, never to let go

Far Away
Just like Lucifer, you fell from heaven
Where once you were always happy
You can only star at from a distance
You can see it, but you can't be there
For you've forgotten how got there
The angels with their bright halos shun you
Or so you think
Really they are just enjoying what God gave them
And not tolerating even the memory of you
For they were sparred in the riots of the stars
They were spared, they were left standing in the clouds
While you and all your ideals fell to the fire
Crushed into oblivion left only to face
The pale concrete, and sour honey of the Earth
The songs still flow down to the Earth
You hear how the angels still praise their master
How they thank them for making everything perfect
And the most remorseful resent sets in
Resents for having doubts, resents for poor faith
Resents for not believing what you knew was true
The Lord your God saved you and made things perfect
But you forgot what you had was perfect
And you wanted things different, easier, and more fun
You forgot that He knew all
So you and a lot of the rest of Heaven rebelled
You left your easy, perfect life behind
And now you are left looking up to the light
And it not just looks, but feels like Heaven is so far away
And now you and the rest of the faithless
Clamor together and try desperately to make your own Heaven

Monarch
Slowly the sun starts to rise ending the night
Clouds still keep passing over the moon though
The odd sparkles of light on the water soothe me
The small waves, the quiet songs of the sparrows
They all make me miss you all the more
The long weed shuffling in the wind make me think of your hair
How soft, and beautiful and how tasty it is
An undistinguishable aroma reaches me
And it makes my heart beat slowly as it too reminds me of you
I lay there on the beach in peace remembering you
I look over to my left and I see a pasture
Horses lay in the center all huddled together
The groom each other happily and peacefully
Making each other happier and more content
I remember how I used to do that to you
How I rubbed your back, held your hands
Played with your long hair for hours on end
And I was happy, because I was making you happy
And I look back up at the moon
And remember all the nights we were together under that moon
And my heart aches, for it's been too many nights with
To so suddenly be without
But then I look away over to my right
And I see a beautiful monarch on a purple orchid
The beauty of nature in all its vivid amazing glory
And expressed the same in your body
For although the bodies aren't the same, neither perfect
Both attract in so many strong and powerful ways
The butterfly with its exuberant orange and black wings
You with your long hair, blue eyes but more importantly your heart
But just as the monarchs innards are hidden by its body
There are times when it seems yours are too
I love you all, inner beauty is equal to the outer in mass though
I am not a lion who seeks his mate solely for their beauty
Or for their power, nor for their accessibility
I love you because you are all I need
You are all I want, you are all I cherish
If only you could see that
But, life goes on, day after day like yesterday
So I get up, and I swagger off to work
Some day, after work, when I get back to the beach
I know you'll be there loving me again
But, I'll always wonder if you'll accept how and why I love you

God's Decree
So far away, yet so close at heart
I close my eyes as the tears start
I remember your hand, I remember your face
But all your kisses never left a trace
Of long felt deep desire inside
For it is your heart you always try to hide
Miles away, seas apart
Times not together now we chart
Memories of you are all I have
All the times you made me laugh
All the times you made me cry
All the times on the floor I did lie
Cursing and swearing at my own mistakes
All the times they made my heart break
All the times I held you so close
Only to have kill me with one dose
Of amazing torturous missing you
And feeling my heart turn blue
From lack of love and lack of blood
My face ending up covered in mud
As I chase you trying to keep you from leaving
You'd shoe me away making me not believing
That you love me almost as I love you
And it's a love that is as pure and true
That no matter how far how long
You know I love you and you're never wrong
And when you say that you love me
I need believe it liked a God's decree
For though many days apart we remain
When you return, it will be you I reclaim
Heart, soul, body and eyes
My tears stop and my face dries
For it's only a while until you return
And only a while till my lesson is learned

Magnesium Rocket
You feel your stomach quiver after that blast
The magnificent and deafening magnesium firecracker just exploded
The bright white flash almost blinded you
Seconds after the explosion white sparkles are still falling
That bang officially starts the fireworks display
Red flares, blue screamer, streams of bright green
Thousands of them fill the night sky for the display
But none are as powerful, as deafening, as magnificent as the magnesium
That thunderous magnesium rocket is by far your favorite
Many others have had the magnesium rocket as their favorite before
But none ever held on to it like you do
They always settled for more eye-appealing blasts
But it's not only the flash that attracts you
The initial shaking from the bang, the sparkles afterwards
But most importantly, the anticipation of that blast holds you
You don't understand what makes the rocket work
Even though you've spent years looking into it
Nor do you understand why you like it so much
But all you know is that the bang, the flash and the anticipation never change
Suddenly a new rocket explodes that nearly blinds you
But it had a very small audio effect
So as quickly as fades from the sky it fades from memory
And seconds later you hear a shot twice as loud as the magnesium's
But only an ugly gray appears where there would have been white
Next your lover's favorite firework goes off
And you remember how much you miss them and wish they were with you
You lose track of time as explosions keep occurring above you
While you think of them and how you loved them
Finally the great pause before the final the final magnesium rocket blast comes
That will signal the end of the display
And as it goes of and your stomach quivers again
You feel a soft hand take a hold of yours
For now your lover is back

Candle Light
I sit here at night in the dark
Pen and paper in hand
Green candle lit, but not shining much
Pen in my right, candle in left
Music fills the darkened room
And I find myself staring at the flame
The seemingly endless flame of the candle
Hours pass and it still burns bright
But not as bright as it once did
Before it would light the entire room
Nothing could block its radiance
But now shadows lurk in front of my pen
The same for my hand, and fingers
Dark contours flood the page
Steaming hot wax rolls onto my fingers
I knew it was coming
But did nothing to prevent the pain
Blisters form on my knuckles as it keeps coming
The precious light of my room is hurting me so
I need the light to write though
So I keep it going endlessly
What I write is incomprehensible but true
For I only write what I feel
The wax is slowly hardening and clinging to my hair
The searing pain seems duller though
For I write about the light and how I love it
How I need it in so many ways
And just as I finish telling of my adoration's of the candle
The candle burns out

Do You Remember
Do you remember our last night together
How unfinished business remained as such
Do you remember how your heart felt that night
How it felt when you saw not only tears in my eyes
But your heart, and my soul then and there
I remember it like it was last night
All the awkwardness of feeling I love more then I am
How material things meant nothing, yet in some ways everything
And the feeling of failure as you left my sight
Do you remember our last kiss
How meaningful and intimate our inner spirits were
And how shallowly we showed ourselves to each other
How two seconds of joy were to last us as many months
How one act preformed a million times in advance
Was what was supposed to strengthen us in our lonely battles
Do you remember the hug that night
Do you remember your reassuring words that night
How they implied a day was to be like a second
A year as an hour, a month like a week
I remember how I felt my innocence was destroyed
I remember how I wanted you more then I needed you
And I remember condemning you for un-realism
At the same time our own truths never coincide
For its when I know you love me the most
That I feel it the least
Do you remember how we felt before that night
I don't now, but as soon as you re-enter my arms
The months will have been as seconds, days as years
And I will know and feel all that is good and right

Unknowing Love
I cry out for comfort
But am answered by torturing silence
I long to be known I'm loved
Instead I'm loved with the absence of knowledge
I spend hours planing what I'll say to you
Only to lose my words in deep love
That mysterious intrigue of keeping silence
It hardens the softest of hearts
While making diamonds melt on your fingers
I know I love you, but I don't know why
Because I make you to be whatever I need
Your beauty when I am ugly
Your sage and experience when I'm reckless
But when I'm wise you are ignorant
Not knowingly or maliciously
But never are we the same from one moment to the next
"Change is good" so say the pigs
But my heart now needs something more steady
Something solid, something dependable
Something that is and always be true
So I cry out again for reassurance
Only for you to leave my faith to comfort me
I cry out desperately for needed contact
Only for you to walk away leaving me with only my memories
I cry for you to stay by my side
But you leave me alone at night to think
To think of how I love you, how I need you
And to think of how to answer my own needs
And its when I learn to live faith in every way
That you return to me to hold me
To kiss me, to sleep with me at night
For by loving you for who you are
Instead of for what I need you to be
I have answered all of your silent cries
And never again will we ever cry

Blessed
We crawl into bed and blow out the candle
We snuggle up together and hold each other close
We hold hands and repeat our vows
Our vows to always love each other
To never look at another person's body
To find complete and total happiness with each other
Despite our petty quarrels, differences of opinion
We kiss and go to fall asleep hand in hand
But my mind is racing too much for sleep
So after I know you're asleep I slip out of bed
I go into the attic to look at some of our things
I see the gas cap that I saved from my accident
I pick it up and stare at it in amazement
I flake off some of the dried blood
And run my fingertips over the inscription
I go over to a box that has some of my writings
I read some of my works from years ago
About how I found so much pleasure just in your presence
How blessed I felt just to be loved at any time
Then further down I read some despicable works
The ones I wrote in a jealous rage and fear
Fear of losing you, for you were my whole life I thought
How I thought the absence of tangible material
Meant there was an absence of true unadulterated love
And then suddenly the next work was different again
It was then that I learned why I really did love you
It was then that I realized you weren't my life's purpose
Rather it's splendor and reward for meekness
And with that read I remembered why I married you
So I head back to bed to be with you once again
And just as I silently whisper to myself how lucky I am
You roll over and say to me
That it's not just I that have been blessed

Sickness
Where once you were angry
You now feel guilt
For ignorance wasn't the culprit
Sickness, pure unadaulterated sickeness
The blue eyes now closed
Only can hope the heart hasn't too
For empty are the arms
Of the lover, the keeper
But full is the one's heart
Of love, regret, remourse
Miles away from the others hand
But held close at heart
Never to be forgotten
Despite all the valour of the many
More attractive, more inspiring
The sickness clutches to the soul
No energy for even the simplest of things
By the death bed vows made
Promises never to forget
The nights together
The days on the beach
The afternoons in the pastures
The evenings in the orchards
Death is simply opportunity
For rebirth, reincarnation
A song bird, or a strong tiger
A simple complexity, an advanced sea man
For the best is still to come

Pictures
The power you once had that was stronger then the pain
Has subsided and left you weak
Your body aches, tears fill your eyes
The cause of your pain isn't any different
But the pain is a million times more intense
You go to your cabinet for some pills
But you have nothing strong enough for what you need
So you go to your bed to get the one thing you know will work
You search under the bed and take out the box
You open it up and get what you need
Seems every teenager uses something like this at sometime
So, you use it and suddenly you fall asleep
Vivid dreams and horrific nightmares fill your head
One minute you are with you lover on the beach
The next you are left hanging on a cross
But it's not your lover who weeping at your feet
No, you see her with the hammer in her hand
"Come on Christ! Save yourself!" she screams mockingly
Then she sticks a spear in your gut and twists it
The next dream you see yourself looking at pictures with her
You see pictures of your marriage, pictures of you children, grand children
Pictures from vacations in Europe, and from the Temples in Malaysia
You hear yourself say how much more beautiful she is
In comparison to the massive golden Goddesses in the temples
In the last dream you remember you see her in a bed
Hooked up tot a million different machines in a hospital
Beethoven's 6th Symphony is playing in the background
She lies on the bed cringing in pain, its her death bed
And before she can tell you how much she loves you
A steady high pitched beeping sound emerges aloud
And suddenly you wake up and curse yourself
Never should you have dropped to doing what you did
For the pain is still there despite what your sleep
So you put her picture back in the box and put the box away
And you cry to yourself all night to try to get back to sleep
But never again will you sleep until she returns
For it is only her kiss that can mend that broken heart

Sixteen
Beautiful stained glass windows shattered
By a stone from a five year old child
Sweet angel falls hard from Heaven
Condemned as a satanic follower
Rejected from Hell as a traitor in the previous life
Lightning crashes and kills a mother doe
The tree that fell on her is still on fire
The brushes around the fawn catch fire too
Soon it will just fall as another victim of nature
Woman gets drunk and falls into the arms of a stranger
The make intimate love and are joyous
Twenty days later she realizes her pregnancy
But the child will just end up like her others on the streets
They themselves will probably end up pregnant at sixteen
Man cries out to his woman days on end
Asks for things he needs desperately
Woman gives him all he needs and more
Just not in the way he recognizes them
So he keeps crying, screaming, demanding
Never will the woman learn to give things to him his way though
Unfortunately he'll never learn to take what he's getting
Man finds out he has cancer and only days to live
Asks his doctor to save him, make him feel better
Tries all the pain killers he can prescribe to no avenge
But is cursed by family when he OD's the man on purpose
Woman dies and is in limbo
Sees a light with a tough trail a head of it
Sees a dark tunnel with all the pleasures she ever wanted
But doesn't know to go
Do you?

Gods of Love
Sleep sets in to end your long day
What once was holy now is a disgrace
You get to your knees and start to pray
To the Gods of love to displace
All the hurt feeling, broken hearts
Make you forget the loves you lost
At a picture of yourself on the wall you throw darts
Trying to re-learn yourself at any cost
You know all you need, just do none of it
You had her love, just never took it right
But now you have to rely on your charm and wit
To wipe the slate clean, snow white
For you are sorry for all your wrong doings
All your fallacies, mistakes and idiocies
But you must make it up to her without lousing
Any more or her faith, restore her believes
That you care for her for who she is
Not what she was or could be
And it's only in her arms that you find bliss
And only there you feel free
To be who you are, who she so loves
To hold her close to show her how you care
To become once again pure white as the doves
To be with her all your life to share
All the joys, the defeats, and the victories
And to live to be a hundred loving eternally

Obstructions
Unlike the sands in the hourglass
So aren't the days of our lives
Pains, misdoings, ignorant rages clutter
The narrow tube of spectrum for life we have
God's gifts given to us in love
Are stolen, shattered, and forgotten in lust
Lust for the flesh, lust for possession
None ask the blind man to see, the deaf to hear
But demand the lonely to be happy
Be content, carry on as if no obstructions
Lie in the way keeping them from
Joy, bliss, unaltered perfect peace
But sands clutter and cling together
Inseparably like a diamond in some ways
Impossible to keep together like two positive ions
So why do you try the impossible
Do you find pleasure in the intense pain
Get enjoyment from the suffering yourself
And more oddly and wrongly, others
Or can you just not feel it any more
You know it hurts, you've felt it many times
But your pains are different from any others
If they tell you hurts, you hurt them differently
Not always on purpose, in fact rarely on purpose
But the pain exists, the pain is present
The only question is
Will you ever be loved, feel loved
Without hurting yourself or others

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Early Poems

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