Years of sophisticated testing will prove that the stain on Monica Lewinsky's dress is actually mustard. Mustard from the head of Bill Clinton's penis.
For security reasons, the government will declare it illegal to say numbers out loud. And the singing of numbers will be punishable by death.
The lamb shall lie down with the lion. The lion shall lie down with lamb. And Max Weinberg will try to get in on the action.
Marlon Brando will go on on a crash diet and lose 235 pounds, thereby earning himself the nickname 'Fatass.'
Gillette develops its sharpest razor yet. The first blade shaves your beard, while the second blade shaves your other beard.
A dolphin trainer at Sea World will shock the audience by getting down on one knee and asking his dolphin to marry him. The dolphin will say no, not because the man is human, but because he's not Jewish.
During his last days in office, while enjoying a hamburger President Clinton accidentally eats his own hand. Moments later, he eats his other hand. Only this time... it was no accident.
Pornography finally gets accepted into the mainstream when the Academy Award for Best Actor goes to Long Dong Hanks.
New research in geometry will result in the renaming of several familiar shapes. New Year's Eve in New York will be celebrated in Times Oval, and teenage boys everywhere will participate in rhombus jerks.
Mothers will no longer call for 'time-outs' when disciplining their children, but instead will use the more accurate phrase 'Now go sit in a corner and shut your hole while Mommy has a drink.'
Computers will finally be able to simulate human feelings. Unfortunately, the only one they choose to act on is 'horny.'
Pigs will convert to Orthodox Judaism but, shockingly, will begin eating pork.
The Jerry Springer Hotel Porno tape is finally released, and the public learns a horrible truth: Jerry can only climax while being hit over the head with a chair.
Thousands of men will successfully climb Mount Everest after Madonna legally changes her name to Mount Everest.
A new state will be added to the American flag, representing the 51st state. That state's name? Rock n Roll!
Thanks to new telephone technology, call waiting will no longer involve hearing a little click, but rather, feeling a little tongue.
