Two very tired children barely made it up the steps to their rooms. Too big to carry and too young to fully wake up on the way from the car, they stumbled up the stairs, down the hall, and to their respective bedrooms before crawling into bed with their shoes still on. There was nothing inherently wrong with that, in Face's mind, and he watched with amusement as Jessica slipped into James' room to help him take off his shoes. She let him keep the rest of his clothes, probably because he was crawling under the sheets before his shoes even hit the floor.
Face stood in the doorway. He had no role in this sort of thing, and no real reason to be here. It was curiosity alone that kept him in place, quietly observing the real life enactment of mother and young son. When she kissed the boy's forehead and turned out the light on the bedside table, Face was pretty sure he was already asleep. Why make those gestures when he wasn't even awake to notice?
"He's going to sleep like a rock," Jessica whispered as she came closer to the door. She grinned. "I think we wore them out."
"Good."
"Their birthday's coming up next weekend. You think you might be around?"
"I don't know," he admitted. "Maybe."
"Well, if you are, I'm sure they'd love to have you. It won't be a big deal, just pizza and a couple of their friends. But if you wanted to stop by…" She finished with a shrug.
He stepped back, watching her as she pulled the bedroom door closed, leaving it open just a crack. She pushed her hand back through her hair. "It is kind of late." She eyed him for a moment. "If you wanted to stay, the couch folds out."
He shook his head. "No, thank you. I have a place to go."
She smiled. "Okay."
He glanced back into the room through the crack in the door. He found himself frowning at the silent figure sleeping there. "Jessica, do me a favor."
"Hmm?"
He dragged his eyes off the boy and back onto her. "For their sake, keep Cruiser at a distance."
She blinked, startled. "What do you mean?"
"If he wants to talk to me, you can tell him I'm available anytime. But keep him away from your kids."
She stared at him for a moment, then laughed tightly. "That's funny."
"Why?"
"Because he said the same thing about you."
Face stared at her, unflinching. "He may be right about that, too. Ultimately, it's your call. But I'm asking you, as a friend, to not give him access to them. The fact that he's kept in touch with you all these years…" He sighed. "It would just make me feel better."
"I wouldn't bring him around the kids. But honestly, I'm more worried about you." She lowered her eyes. "That whole fugitive thing doesn't sit well."
"I can handle Cruiser," he said firmly. "But I'd rather he wasn't anywhere near you or the kids. Or Murdock. Whatever he wants on him… it's none of his business."
She studied him for a long moment, then nodded quietly. "I think for now I'd rather just keep him away from everyone I care about. It sounds like whatever happened between you two, it wasn't good."
"No," he agreed quietly. "It wasn't." *X*X*X*
It was almost midnight when the phone rang. Murdock probably should've been asleep, but he wasn't really tired. Probably a good thing. There were only a limited number of people who would call him, and usually not this late unless there was a reason for it. Turning the volume on the TV down, he picked up the phone without taking his eyes off of the screen. "Hello?"
"Hey, Murdock." Face sounded tired. "I didn't wake you, did I?"
"Nope," Murdock answered lightly. "There's an all night Stooge Fest on channel 22, I'm in it for the long haul."
"Okay. Good."
Murdock paused, and the bed springs squeaked loudly as he turned to lay flat on his stomach, still watching the black and white screen. "You gonna be springing me for a mission?"
He didn't really think that was the case. Face would have just called in the morning, or shown up. Whatever had Face calling him late at night and sounding like he needed to sleep for a week, it wasn't about getting Murdock out of the VA. But it was a safe bridge to whatever was bothering Face.
"Probably soon, but that's not why I'm calling." He paused for a long moment. "Murdock, have you heard anything from Cruiser?"
Murdock's attention was suddenly diverted from Larry, Moe and Curly. Of all the thing he was thinking a midnight call could be about, Cruiser wasn't one of them. His confusion was echoed in his reply. "Cruiser?"
"Yeah. Has he tried to call you or anything?"
There was a vague feeling of uneasiness settling over him. Try as he might, Murdock couldn't put his finger just why. Maybe it was the combination of the timing, the hesitance and Face's question. That, and the fact that Murdock couldn't even remember saying good bye to Cruiser. He continued hesitantly, cautiously trying to figure out what exactly was going on.
"Nah, I haven't heard from him since we were overseas." There was a brief pause. "Why? Should I be expecting to?"
"I don't know. Apparently he got in touch with a friend of mine, asking about me. I just wanted to know if you'd heard anything. You're easier to find than I am and I thought maybe he'd try."
There was the strange feeling again. Face was worried. Not only could he hear it, Murdock could almost feel it coming over the phone line.
"You don't sound real happy about the idea of an old war buddy looking you up, Face."
There wasn't judgment in that; hell, he didn't understand enough to judge. It was just a fact. Face and Cruiser had been tight back then. And Cruiser had hooked up with Hannibal before any of them. It had long been in the back of Murdock's mind to wonder why he wasn't with them now. Or at least in contact.
"I'm not too thrilled about anybody looking me up, to be honest." Face paused. "Just do me a favor. If you do hear from him, will you call me right away?"
Murdock frowned at the phone. Something was very wrong when Face couldn't pull of a convincing casual tone. He felt like he was taking a pop quiz and he hadn’t read the book. "What's going on, Face?"
Flashes of memories ran though his mind at lightning speed. Fireworks and laughter, warm beer and crude jokes, a quiet little village and the meal the chief's wife was making. It would be the last thing she ever did. Cruiser with a little boy hanging on his neck. Rats and darkness. Bangkok and dress down. All of them curled together in a tiny hole, hiding from the VC. Closing his eyes, Murdock forced his mind back to the present.
"It's nothing to worry about, Murdock. Just tell me you'll call. Please?"
It was the please that got Murdock. And the fact that Face meant it. "Sure Face," was out of his mouth without a thought. As much as he wanted to know what was going on, he didn't have it in him to listen to that tone from Face. Nothing was worth that.
After a brief pause he let out a dry chuckle. "But if it was nothing to worry about, you wouldn't be calling me." It was just a statement of fact.
Face laughed. "Is that your way of saying I need to call more often?"
Face was trying to change the subject. And even that wasn't up to his usually seamless standards. "Well, you should call more often."
He paused for a second and licked his lips. When he spoke again, there was an unusual amount of seriousness and hesitance. "But actually, that was my way of asking what happened. Because I don't remember. But I know if you're suddenly worried enough about him looking you up to call me in the middle of the night, it probably wasn't very good."
"Nothing happened." Face sighed audibly. "Cruiser went his way and I went mine. It's not something I'm willing to talk about."
There was silence while Murdock considered what Face had and hadn't said. There was more to it, but nothing Murdock could say would get Face to talk about it. And did he even have any right to push it? It was Face's life and he had the right to decide what he would and wouldn't talk about. Murdock understood that. But then, why did it feel like a personal rejection?
"You're in a psych ward, Mark. What in the hell makes you think you can help him." He shut his eyes to block out the familiar, taunting voice in his head. "They won't even let you have a butter knife in this joint, and you think he's gonna expect you to help him?"
"Man, Moe could throw a mean pie," Murdock said, changing the subject quickly to silence that voice in his head. "Maybe we could have BA make us some kind of 'pie gun' for our next trip. I bet Hannibal would get a kick out of it."
Face chuckled again, and was quiet for a moment. "If Hannibal doesn't have a mission by this weekend, I'll come get you out for a night or two. Okay?"
It was a peace offering, probably an obligation he felt. Face was good at feeling guilty, whether or not he had a reason to. "Ah, come on, Facey. Like you couldn't get a date for the weekend? You gonna break the ladies' hearts if you do that. I don't know if I could live with the overwhelming guilt. Besides, its macramé weekend here, I don't wanna miss that. I had big plans for making BA some macramé jewelry."
It was all a lie; a cover up for the fact he needed time to push back the sudden onslaught of doubt, worry and insecurities. None of the team needed to see him like that. Least of all Face, who clearly had more important things on his mind. I was best to cut him free, give him an out. A way to enjoy a well deserved weekend off, however he saw fit.
"I'll be there at ten, if you don't hear from me before then. You can do macramé another week. Besides, I've been thinking about taking a road trip up the coast, and you love doing that."
Murdock smiled involuntarily. He loved driving up the Pacific coast highway. Something about being that close to where the land gave way to the ocean and sky, both of them going on for as far as he could see. It always made Murdock feel like he was flying. Just going any way they felt like, doing whatever struck their fancy, however they felt like doing it. They could be real people for a little while.
"Have a good night, Murdock."
He could feel a smile broaden, and some of the clawing uneasiness faded. Face had been given and out, and he was still going to be here. Maybe he needed a break too. "I got the Three Stooges playing for the next ten hours. How could I have anything but a good night?"
Maybe instead of hiding in his room feeling sorry for himself, relaxing with his friend was a better idea. For both of them. Murdock could try and find out about Cruiser another time. Maybe it would help him to remember that today was just as important as the past was. Maybe even more so, because there was something he could do about the present and the future.
"Get some sleep, Face, okay?" Murdock sighed as he felt the tension slowly ease away. "Lord knows you've earned it."
