"He's having entirely too much fun with this."
Face's tone made it clear that he didn't disapprove. Cruiser hid his growl of disgust. BA loved blowing shit up, and Hannibal loved anything that made the VC piss their pants. Murdock would say and do damn near anything to join in on the fun. But Cruiser wasn't having fun. And he wasn't as amused as Face seemed to be, either.
"What else is new?" Cruiser mumbled as he crouched with his back against a tree on the opposite side of the road from Face. His tone made a few things clear too. He was in no better mood than when they'd started out this morning. Stay the fuck away.
Face shrugged. "At least he's not training us to death." He paused, eyeing the trees as if debating whether or not it was worth it to climb.
There was nothing to say to that. Cruiser didn't want to be here, but he sure as hell didn't want to be running drills. They all felt the same way, as far as that went. No need to point that out except to better appreciate the current situation.
Fuck that.
Murdock's grin was still in place as he took up a position near Cruiser. "This really makes the blood sing, don't it?" he said brightly.
Cruiser gave a heartfelt sigh. The tone was annoying to say the least. So was the man using it. And the fact that he wouldn't fucking go away. If Cruiser could have indicated anymore by body language alone that he didn't want to be chummy, he would have done it. But he was already doing it all. Tense posture, set jaw line, no direct eye contact, a scowl BA would have approved of. He didn't answer Murdock. Maybe the man would get the fucking hint.
"I can't remember the last time I felt so fucking alive!"
So much for hints.
"Nice choice of wording, Murdock," Face answered him. "You do realize the irony in that, I hope."
Good. Face would play with Murdock. That meant Cruiser didn't have to.
"Irony and I go way back, Face."
Face had apparently decided that up in the tree was a good place for him. He slung his rifle over his shoulder and grabbed a vine hanging down the side of one of the trunks. He tested it before he let it take his weight, using it as a rope with his feet on the trunk until he reached the lowest limbs. That was where he settled, and did a quick look around to see how much the new vantage point offered.
Murdock was beaming. His look was more like a kid in a candy store than a man in the blood-soaked jungle. More importantly, he didn't seem to be taking the hint. Energetic and hyper as ever, he was still waiting for a response from Cruiser.
"No wonder you guys are on indefinite status! This is almost as addictive as the rush of flying!"
Cruiser growled, under his breath. If this flyboy didn't go away, he was going to get his ass kicked. It was just that simple. They'd done a good job of avoiding each other the past few days. But this situation was just begging for an answer. And he was going to get one.
"Hey Cruiser, you been real quite like. What's got you so down on this fine day?"
And there it was. Of course he wouldn't get the hint. That was too much to ask for. "Nothing," Cruiser barked impatiently. One word answers were easier than saying something stupid like, "Because I don't feel like it." Murdock would latch on to "feel" like a fucking parasite.
"Come on, Cruiser. We're your friends. So out with it!"
Cruiser eyed the pilot - and not in any way that would indicate he was grateful for the attention. Finally, he shook his head slightly, lit another cigarette, and looked out at the road. Why was this so hard to understand? Face knew when to leave him the fuck alone. Why didn't Murdock?
"Come on, Cruiser, you and I both know that you'll tell me eventually." He smiled broadly at the heated silence radiating off of Cruiser. Did he think this was a fucking game? "How 'bout you just let me know when I get it right."
Cruiser growled audibly. Of course it was a game. Every-fucking-thing was a game to him.
"Is it the heat? The sappers? Did someone piss on your Wheaties? Did the base run out of your favorite beer? No, Face could always get more. Hmm…"
"Murdock!" Cruiser's patience was wearing very thin. "Just leave me the fuck alone! This isn't some fucking girl scout camp where we have to share feelings and run to the bathroom together."
Face dragged on his cigarette and smiled knowingly. "A for effort, Murdock."
Murdock laughed. Cruiser glared at Face and contemplated his death.
"Don't grade me yet, Face, I'm not done."
Apparently, Murdock had had his ability to take a hint removed at birth.
"Cruiser was just expressing his unhappiness with girl scouts and how women always go to the bathroom in pairs." In a tone of mock seriousness, he continued. "Is that all that's bothering you? 'Cause that's easy to fix. There are no girl scouts in southeast Asia and women go in pairs because they need someone to hold their purse."
If Cruiser clenched his jaw any tighter, he might actually break his teeth. "Murdock!"
With a self-satisfied grin, Murdock watched him. "Any other problems can I help you fix?"
Cruiser straightened. There was a definite warning in his posture – and his tone - that even Murdock could not mistaken for anything else. "Leave. Me. Alone."
Face chuckled. "I think he wants to talk about his feelings, Murdock," he instigated.
Cruiser's chest tightened. "Fuck you, Lieutenant!"
Face smiled at Cruiser and two fingers - with a cigarette between them - made an acknowledging, casual salute. With only a brief glare in his direction, Cruiser eyed a tree further away. Maybe Murdock would get the hint and stay here.
"Ya know," Murdock contemplated, "he's been talking about girls, so maybe he needs some help with the ladies. By the way, don't feel bad Cruiser. Lots of men don't know about the purse thing."
That's it. Cruiser had had enough. He got up and walked away. He couldn't go far; he had to stay within shouting distance of the bridge, and he was there for a purpose. He couldn't exactly ignore it.
But Murdock fucking followed.
"Come on, Cruiser, we were just playin' with ya. No need to take your ball and go home." Murdock followed him. "You can tell me, buddy. What's eatin' you?"
Cruiser spun so fast he almost made Murdock fall over backwards in his attempt to keep from running into him. Fucking bullshit. he'd had more than enough. "Murdock, I'm telling you once more, and you had better fucking listen. Leave. Me. Alone. Or I'm gonna knock your fucking head off and I don't give a good goddamn what Hannibal has to say about carrying you out of here."
Face straightened at the tone. At least he knew when Cruiser was serious. "Alright, knock it off, Murdock," Face said. "This isn't the place."
Exactly. This wasn't the place. That was exactly what he'd been trying to say this whole time. Not that it had done him a damn bit of good.
Murdock looked up at Face, apparently confused. "Knock what off, Face?"
"You're supposed to be watching the road, not Cruiser. Lay off."
Cruiser didn't say anything but his eyes never left Murdock, almost daring him to engage him again. Face climbed back down from the tree, probably ready to step between the two of them if Murdock decided to be stupid.
Murdock glanced back and forth. Then finally, with a broad smile, he nodded. "Right, Face."
He turned away, heading back to his original position, and Face cast a glance at Cruiser. "What the fuck, man?" he asked quietly. "You okay?"
Cruiser closed his eyes for a moment. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? What was this? One down one to go? Cruiser turned his glare on Face. "That applies to you, too."
Face raised a brow, challenging but not aggressive. "You know, if you got a real problem, maybe you oughtta talk about it. And if not, you need to suck it up. That's a CAR-15 in your hands, Cruiser. This isn't the place to be pissy and irritable."
Cruiser turned to face him square, eyes narrowed. "Thanks for the In-Country 101 lesson, Lieutenant. Now back off."
There wouldn't have been a fucking problem if Murdock hadn't been instigating. All Cruiser wanted to do was get this job done and over with. Face's eyes narrowed and Cruiser could tell he was debating whether or not to get into it here and now. Risks far outweighed the benefits. And before he had a chance to make a firm decision, Cruiser saw movement out of the corner of his eye. Hannibal and BA.
Thank God.
Hannibal was beaming. There was a detonator in his hand. "Any problems, Lieutenant?"
Face shook his head. "No sign of anything."
Hannibal resituated his pack. "Alright then. Let's find someplace where we can watch the fireworks."
Cruiser let Face take up the lead, and kept his distance from all of them as they started back down the narrow path they'd come. Even two men behind Hannibal, he could swear he was hearing him whistling "London Bridge is Falling Down" quietly.
Face hesitated at the door to the bunker they were using as a team room - just for the night. They'd be gone first thing in the morning. But they'd definitely earned a good night's sleep. At least, as good as it could ever be in-country. At least they had a place to sleep for the night.
Everyone else had come and gone to get something to eat. Only Cruiser had stayed behind. And Face, but Cruiser probably didn't even know that yet. There wasn't much here, in the middle of fucking nowhere, that was worth Face's attention. The notion of "food" wasn't all that appealing at the moment, and he had other things on his mind. The situation itself gave him opportunity - even obligation? - to talk to Cruiser. There was no place that either of them could go to be alone.
"I've got a bottle of vodka in my pack if you need it," he offered unassumingly.
Cruiser looked up and eyed him warily. Face read the look. He didn't need words and Cruiser didn't give them. He didn't want any favors right now, and he didn't regard this as a problem that vodka could fix.
Face sighed as he stepped inside. It wasn't much of a room - sandbag walls and mesh windows just to keep the bugs out. The bunks were hastily constructed and unimpressive. Uncomfortable too - sleeping bags on wooden slats. None of them were about to complain. It beat sleeping on the ground in Cambodia any day of the week.
Keeping his eyes away, Face sat down and set his rifle on the bed beside him as he reached into his pack, withdrew a small bottle of vodka, and took a swig. "Here."
He wasn't waiting for an answer, or for Cruiser to turn. He tossed it to him, trusting Cruiser's reflexes more than his aim. Cruiser caught the bottle out of habit, and stared at it for a moment, debating.
Face watched him for a moment, then sighed as he lay back on his bunk with a hand over his eyes. He was quiet for several minutes while he listened to Cruiser unpack. When he finally did speak, he didn't take his hand away - make no attempt to look up.
"Just tell me you're not gonna fly off the handle and do something we're all gonna have to answer for and I'll be happy with that."
"Fine." Cruiser didn't even pause for the offhanded answer as he took his shirt off and sat on the bunk, leaving the vodka untouched. "I'm not gonna do anything we all have to answer for."
Face let it lie. He breathed deep as he turned, tucking his arns under his head, eyes closed. He let the silence linger for a long moment before mumbling to himself, "God, I'm so tired."
It wasn't begging conversation. It was barely intelligible for one, and it was a universal statement for another. They were all exhausted. Especially when none of them had been able to sleep at night. Murdock's nightmares, and the screams that went along with them - came every night.
Cruiser didn't answer and Face remained quiet. He was disinclined to pursue a conversation he didn't really want to have in the first place. Cruiser said he had it under control. Face could take his word for it. God knew he was good on the ground. That didn't change just because he had a bad day. He knew the boundaries...
Face's thoughts were becoming less and less coherent as his breathing deepened. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cruiser kick his legs up on the bunk and turn his back to Face. It was the last thing he was aware of as he let himself slip away into welcome, much-needed sleep.
"Lieutenant?" The sound of Hannibal's commanding tone - or maybe that was just more Face's perception in his sleep state - jerked Face back to consciousness. He blinked a few times, but didn't move. In fact, he put his head back down before he answered, and tried to slow his heart rate.
"What's up, Colonel?"
"I just got notified by the captain at the base we just left that Murdock pulled a gun on some ARVN soldiers last night?" He sounded as curious as he was concerned. "You know anything about that?"
Face didn't flinch. "Wasn't a big enough deal to make an incident out of it."
"They seemed to think it was."
Face finally opened his eyes and looked at Hannibal, but didn't move. "If you're asking my opinion, it wasn't. If you're asking what happened, go ask Murdock. Hell if I know what goes on in that man's head ninety percent of the time."
Hannibal stared at him for a long moment, then stepped back, out of the doorway and out of sight. Face shut his eyes again.
He was quiet for a long moment, but the sleep wasn't happening again. His mind was racing now. After several long moments, he turned onto his back and put a hand over his eyes again. "Fucking hell..."
Cruiser turned onto his back. "What the fuck, man?" Apparently he was just feigning sleep. "Why're you bullshitting Hannibal?"
Face sighed. "I'm not."
"Bad enough to be reported means it was a big deal. And you know it."
Face rubbed the bridge of his nose as he turned his head away. "It wasn't like that makes it sound. Why the hell did they have to report it?" He wasn't sure if an official incident report came with that call, but if it did, they had even bigger problems.
The bunk shifted as Cruiser sat up. "I'm sure there's a thousand reasons to pull a gun on some ARVNs in the middle of the night."
Face didn't look at him, hand still over his eyes. "Believe me, I'm not trying to justify it."
"Right. That's Hannibal's job."
Face turned and glared at Cruiser. He wasn't sure exactly what Cruiser meant by that, but he was sure he didn't like it. "Yeah, actually. It is."
Cruiser glared back, clearly irritated. "Bullshit, Face. This whole goddamn thing is everyone's problem and you know it."
Face held his stare for a moment longer, then sighed deeply as he turned his head back into his hand again. "I didn't fucking ask for this." He paused. "Is it wrong that there's a part of me that just wishes he'd fuckin' snap and get it over with?"
It sure as hell felt wrong. But he was past the point of pretending that part of him didn't exist. "It doesn't matter how you feel about this." Cruiser's voice had a sharp edge to it.
"Yeah," Face answered bitterly. "I know."
"What the hell is going on with him?"
"How should I know?"
"You spend more time with him than anyone else does."
Face frowned at that, but didn't answer.
"If anyone has an idea of how bad this actually is, it's you. And you'd better fucking come clean about it."
"I've got nothing to hide. But Hannibal's made it pretty clear that until he goes off - past the point where we can cover for him - we just have to keep pretending like everything's fine." He turned and locked eyes with Cruiser. "But no. He's not fine."
That was not what Cruiser wanted to hear. His eyes narrowed into slits. "That doesn't work for me, Lieutenant."
"I don't think he's going to fall off the deep end and go on a shooting spree. But -"
"And if he did, would you fucking cover for him?" Cruiser demanded, his tone harsh.
Face stared at him for a long moment, startled by the question. "There's a difference between being not fine and being dangerous. He's not fine. But he wants to cuddle, not to kill."
Cruiser stood and walked to the window. "Out here, that is dangerous, Lieutenant. And I'm not risking him going off the deep end on the ground."
Face laughed, without humor, and turned his head to look at him. "You're not gonna risk it? What are you gonna do, sabotage him to keep him here?"
Cruiser glared. "Sabotage is not my deal."
"Hannibal knows he's messed up; don't think he doesn't. He still puts him out there, on the ground. And he's a fucking pilot! He's got no business on the ground."
"He's a fucking liability. It's putting us all in danger out there."
Face's eyes closed and he breathed deep. At least they were on the same page. He didn't expect that Cruiser had a solution, but he sure as hell didn't have one either. "Tell it to the colonel, Cruiser. 'Cause right now you're preaching to the choir."
Cruiser was silent for a moment. Then he turned, walked back to his bunk, and grabbed his rifle. Slinging it over his shoulder, he headed for the door.
