.home sweet home.
The trees flew by as I rode him in the family van. Everything looked so different from when I went into the hospital. Everything seemed so much more beautiful. Or maybe it was that I had seen nothing but white walls for two months and was happy to actually see something else.
"You have three days to practice before you have a gig." My father informed me. "We're just gonna do some old songs, get you guys back out there,....have you been writing?"
"A little," I nodded. I had plenty of time to write while in the institution, so I had written a lot. But a lot of it I didn't know if I wanted people to hear, it had all become so personal.
"Well, good," He kept on talking, "We're going back in the studio in two weeks, so that means back out to California..."
I leaned my head against the window to rest. I knew we had to get back out there, but it felt like it was too soon already. Three days, then a gig? Then two weeks and we're in California, attempting to make another record. I loved music, and I loved performing, but at the same time I felt like I wanted to just spend some time with my family, get to know them again. I had been away for two months, and only seen them four times within those months.
"How is everything?" I asked. Not everyone had come with to pick me up, just Isaac and my dad.
"Zoe and Mackie are getting so big, and they're excited about going to California, thats for sure. Jess is starting to become extremely boy crazy, its driving us all nuts. Avie misses you like crazy. Zac has been working on some new drum riffs, you should hear them...and your mother...misses you." My father explained to me.
We pulled into my drive-way and up to the house. Home sweet home. I let out a breath of air, and slid the van door open, and stepped out. I stretched my legs, then started towards the house. Before I was able to get to the front steps, the rest of my family burst through the front door. I was greeted with hugs and kisses all around. It was so great to be treated this way.
"You look good, honey." My mom smiled at me, then kissed my cheek. "Come inside," She grabbed my arm and pulled me inside, "I made your favorite, spaghetti." She smiled. I smiled at her. There was a sort of uncertainess about her, wondering if I would actually eat it. I just smiled wide, assuring her that I was, in deed, going to have some. I couldn't wait to have a plate full.
"Wheres Zac?" I asked.
"Right here," I heard his deep voice from behind me. I turned around, and my jaw almost dropped to the floor. He looked so..., small. His cheeks had become distinctly defined, his eyes had dark circles beneath them. He wore a baggy shirt and pants, that I recognized, and knew wasn't that big on him before.
"Hey," I said to him. He nodded his head at me. "How ya been?"
"Okay," He shrugged his shoulders.
At dinner time, it was nothing but chatter. They had tons of questions for me, which distracted me from eating my food, which I was thouroughly enjoying. I had forgotten how much i loved spaghetti, especially my mom's spaghetti.
At the end of dinner, I helped my mom clear up the table as all the others ventured off into their own little worlds. It felt so good to be part of the fmaily again. It felt like it had been so long since I felt this way.
As I was going and picking up everyone's plate, I noticed one plate still full of spaghetti. I looked at the seat, and noticed it was where Zac usually sat, and had sat that night. I didn't say anything to my mom, just cleared the rest of the table and walked slowly to Zac's room, wondering what I was going to say.
"Hey Zac," I spoke as I walked into his room. I got a 'Hey' in repsonse, a long with a head nod. "What are you doing?" He laid on his bed, playing video games. His shirt laid against his body, and I could see his hips portruding through.
"What's it look like," Was his repsonse.
"Are you okay?"
"Fine,"
"Have you lost weight?"
"A little,"
"Are you starving yourself?" I couldn't believe I had just asked that question. I knew he wasn't going to give a straight out answer because I had been there before, and I knew what it was like. It was your own personal thing, no one could take it from you.
"I'm not you," He replied hastily.
"Zac, how have you lost so much weight?" I asked, "I don't want you to do this to yourself, look what it does to me."
"Whatever Taylor," Zac stood up, and turned his game off. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about, now get out of my room, I want to be alone." I felt tears in my eyes from Zac's hostility towards me. I wanted to help him so much, but I couldn't if he didn't let me.
.home.
