Subject: Geordie Version of Windows 98
Microsoft Announcement. It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Geordie version of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of Newcastle.
If you have one of the Newcastle editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Newcastle edition may be recognized by looking at the loading screen it reads “Wndaz 98” with a background picture of a Brown Ale bottle superimposed on a photograph of the Tyne Bridge.
It is shipped with the Brown Ale screensaver.
Also note: The Recycle Bin is labeled “Shite”.
Dialup Networking is called “me mates”.
Control Panel is known as “how te fook aboot wi the settins”’
The Hard Drive is referred to as “Big Disk”
Other features:
OK = aireet.
Cancel = fook that.
Yes = aye.
No = nee fookin’chance.
Find = gan gerrit ya fookin sel’.
Goto = owa there.
Help = ah cannet dee it.
Stop = diwent move.
Start = hadaway and shite.
Settings = settins’.
Programs = stuff that daes stuff.
Personal folder = me shite.
Also note that Wndaz 98 does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks.
Some programs that are exclusive to Wndaz 98:
Tiperiter = a word processor.
Cullarin book = a graphics package.
Addin masheen = calculator.
Tunes = CD player.
Dole = accounting software.
Toon = a spreadsheet of Newcastle United FC’s recent scores.
Bevvy = local off-licenses by postcode and price of Brown Ale.
Porn = Internet Explorer.
We regret any inconvenience it may cause if you received a copy of the Newcastle edition. You may return it to Microsoft for an immediate replacement.