+Chapter 5+
I Had To Pack Up Adam's Things And We Cancelled The Last Three Shows. And Postponed The Rest Of The Tour. It Took Me A Week Before I Could Even Go Near His Room. Finally Laura Agreed To Come And Help Me So I Didn't Have To Do It By Myself. We Had To Leave That Day To Go Back For The Funeral. I Had To Go Home To Bury My Little Brother. As I Was Cleaning Up I Found The Note. I Started Crying As I Read It. I Dropped It And Laura Started Reading It Aloud For Me:
"Everyone, I am so sorry....
Lynds I know your going to find this and sis I am SO sorry, but I dunno what else to do.
Mom and dad Im really sorry to you guys too. I want you to know that this was all my idea. I wasn't influenced by any movies, tv or music. I just didn't think enough, thats all. I want you to give all my things to my friends and Lynds. I know you'll never go in my room again anyways. So please, let Lynds look through it and see what she wants, then call my friends over. Make sure Mike gets my stereo, I know he wants it. Please don't get all sad over me, because I know in another 6 months, people won't even remember my name. I know you guys won't forget me, and I'll never forget you either, I love you all so much.
Lynds and Laura, thank you so much for the amazing birthday party! Tell Blink thanks too. They rocked! I had the time of my life last night. You two are the best! I love you!
Rachel, baby I love you and Im so so so sorry I kept this from you. Please don't ever forget me, when I told you I loved you, I meant it and I always will. But please PLEASE don't stop dating, you're a beautiful girl, the most beautiful girl in the world, please don't let all that go to waste. You have everything, beauty, smarts,charm and you have the best personality in the entire world. Show that off. Baby I love you so much! Again, I'm really really sorry!
To my friends: guys, I'm sorry I had to go this way but like I said to my sister, I dunno what else to do. I'm a really depressed person. Not like anyone would have noticed, I hid it well by laughing the loudest. I seemed like a happy-go-lucky kid. But usually when I got home, I sat in my room by myself, just planning this. I'm sorry I kept this from you. Tell everyone I said goodbye and please thank Mr.Davie for me. He really helped me this year.
Sis, I dunno what else to say to you. I know you and Laura are going to do amazing! You guys have exactly what everyone wants. And when I say everyone, I mean Zac Hanson. Do me a favor and when you go to the Hanson concert, tell the girl at the ticket booth my name and that I sent you. Just do that okay? Lynds, I love you, you're the best sister anyone could ask for! Don't ever change!
This was no one's fault but my own. Mom I know you're going to blame yourself and take little things like when I spilled the apple juice in the hall last year and you flipped and think it was that moment I decided, but it's not true. Mom this was NOT you're fault, it was no one's fault but mine!
I'm really sorry to everyone, I'll never forget any of you! Please don't forget me!
Love,
Adam"
We Both Just Sat There Crying. Laura Was Just As Close To Him As I Was. I Knew How Hard On Her This Was. During The Funeral I Just Sat There Staring. "Mark, Tom And Travis" Had Flown In For It And Made A Speech. So Did Laura, My Mom And Dad And Myself. At The End Of The Service, I Had To Admit To Myself That My Little Brother Had Commited Suicide. He Killed Himself. I Just Kept Thinking Of Things I Could Have Done To Make Him Change His Mind. Later On In Therapy I Realized That He Had Made Up His Mind And There Was Nothing I Could Do.
