OK, here's the scenario, Abigail Leech, 58, is a woman who had a car accident in 1985, and her leg is crippled, she can walk, but her leg clicks and buckles from side to side all the time and she has to use a walking stick. Her only hope is an expensive clinic in Boston, Massachusetts, which is in America, but she can't afford to go.
But then she met John Hall, also 58, a doctor, at a bus stop, and they began talking. The subject of Mrs. Leech's leg came up, and Mr. Hall generously offered her the £500 she needed to pay for the operation. She was thrilled.
Since it seemed they both showed affection for each other, Mrs. Leech invited Mr. Hall to dinner at a posh French restaurant, to celebrate.
At this point, Mrs. Leech was sure that she and John were lovers.
OR ARE THEY? DOES JOHN LOVE HER....? FIND OUT....
This is an unedited transcript of the events between the two old "lovers" - recorded secretly by J. Sweet Spying Company.
Picture the scene, Abigail Leech and John Hall are sitting at the table at a posh restaurant, a well groomed Maitre'd arrives to give them their wine, which tinkles gently as it is poured into the crystal glass, Chateau Montgomerie 1978.......and everyone knows what that means.........
Still guessing? Oh well, it means they'll get absolutely plastered after the dinner and who knows what they'll get up to! And here is the only place you can find out, at my web page, so here for the first time is their first date in full:
MAITRE'D: Chateau Montgomerie 1978, monsieur...et madamoiselle.
LEECH: Ooh, John, did you hear that, "madamoiselle", such service!
HALL: Quite. (to the Maitre'd) Yes, we'll have two glasses of that please.
MAITRE'D LEAVES.
AFTER ABOUT THREE BOTTLES OF WINE, HALL AND LEECH START BEHAVING DRUNKENLY AND LAUGHING FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON.
LEECH: (with a drunken slur) You've become awfully quiet since we arrived John, is there something wrong?
HALL: (with a drunken slur) No, it's just that this is the first time I've been on a date for a long time, not with a woman as beautiful as you, Mrs. Leech....
LEECH: Oh, call me Abigail.
HALL: Abigail.
LEECH: No...how about.....Gail?
HALL: Gail.
LEECH: Abby
HALL: Abby.
LEECH: Sexy Ab Fab Abb!
HALL: S....s..s..s.......I need to go to the toilet!
HALL RUSHES OFF.
LEECH: (chuckles to herself) Perhaps Gail will do!
FRENCH WAITER ARRIVES
FRENCH WAITER: Your order, Madame?
LEECH: Well I'm afraid John isn't back from the toilets yet.
FRENCH WAITER: Would you like to take your order with your husband?
LEECH: My husband! (laughs) Oh no, we're just dating.
FRENCH WAITER: I see.
LEECH: I bet you think it's unusual to date at my age!
FRENCH WAITER: You should see what it's like in France!
HALL ARRIVES.
HALL: Sorry about that, must have been something....in the wine.
FRENCH WAITER: Yes, you have the Chateau Montgomerie 1978, that's dynamite, absolutely filled with energy and vigour and it tastes great too, one of our most favoured wines.
HALL: Two Seafood Specials please.
FRENCH WAITER: Good choice, monsieur.
FRENCH WAITER LEAVES
LEECH: Did you hear that? Filled with energy and vigour, that's something we're going to need.
HALL: Something we're........OH!
LEECH: You know I've suddenly lost my appetite.
HALL: So have I. (shouting) Waiter! Cancel the order.
FRENCH WAITER: Certainly monsieur.
HALL: How much for the wine?
FRENCH WAITER: It's a gift.
HALL: Great!
HALL MADLY AND EXCITEDLY TAKES HUGE GULPS FROM THE BOTTLE
HALL: (bad James Bond accent) Come awn, Mish Moneypenny!! (runs out of the restaurant)
LEECH: My crippled leg seems to have suddenly got better
LEECH MADLY AND EXCITEDLY TAKES HUGE GULPS FROM THE BOTTLE
LEECH: Ooh, Doctor, how can I say No? (laughs)
SHE RUNS OUT AFTER HIM TAKING THE BOTTLE WITH HER.
HER LEG OBVIOUSLY HASN'T GOT BETTER SINCE SHE FALLS OVER 13 TIMES TRYING TO RUN TO THE DOOR.
The End... or is it?
Recorded by La Restaurant Francais, typed by J. Sweet. The bottle part at the end may not be 100% accurate, we heard a lot of sucking and gulps, so we assumed it was the bottle.
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