>HOW TO SURVIVE A HORROR MOVIE
>-----------------------------
>
>* When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never*
>check to see if it's really dead.
>* If you find that your house is built upon or near a
>cemetery, that was once a church that was used for black
>masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed
>suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants
>who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away
>immediately.
>* Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
>Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just
>gone out.
>* As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to
>Hell.
>* If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for
>a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
>* Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're
>sure you know what you are doing.
>* If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall
>down at least twice, more if you are of the female
>persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are
>running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still
>moving fast enough to catch up with you.
>* Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knifes in one of
>those wooden block thingies on your worksurface.
>* When you're searching a house because you think there's
>something dangerous there, for God's sake turn the bloody
>lights on!
>* Never back out of one room into another without looking.
>It's always behind you.
>* Never, ever, ever turn off the paved road onto a gravel or
>dirt road.
>* Always make sure that your car has a fresh battery so it
>will start immediately in times of crisis.
>* Never say that you'll be right back because you won't.
>* If anything other than water (blood, thick goo of any
>color)comes out of a faucet, do not call a plumber. Leave the
>house immediately.
>* If, looking in a mirror, you see a figure behind you that
>you don't see upon turning around, you see a different room
>than the one you are in, you see a figure other than yourself
>looking back, or your reflection tells you to get out before
>it is too late, proceed to the nearest exit with all speed.
>* If you open a door and the room you see is not the room
>that should be there, do not explore it. In fact, even if you
>close the door and see the correct room after re-opening it,
>vacate the house.
>
>------------------------------------------------------------

>Quick Wit:
>
>"I was walking along the beach with your new girlfriend the
>other day, and the wind blew her hair in her face."
>
>"Oh?"
>
>"Yes, then the wind blew her hair in my face."
>
>"Yes, so what?"
>
>"Well, then the wind blew her hair in the ocean."
>
>
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